Maybe experiencing mental illness after being 100% well functioning in a job working full time, has nothing to do with my mental health, there is no reason, substance, or issue boiling over or left behind, or difficulty, Ive not discussed in public, discontinuing any system of support, after working hard for 7 months, resting and tired, it was not until I worked full time and got a job, that mental health interfered with my ability to function and to continue working, as evident by notifying my work as soon as began experiencing symptoms for no reason, I was just doing well and shared online on a good day, I am doing my best, I’ve never doubted myself, or not doing my best  handling a hate website, threats, death threat, attempting suicide by overdose back near August when it started, any person who is supposed to not be hurt exposed or threatened, maybe overuse of the terms, emptying my body, shutting my brain off, disabling me, overwhelming my mind into a depression isn’t about me knowing what to do, or ending my life for no reason after just working hard for 7 months to get well, my doing, it’s never the standard expected that I fall below, or who I am anywhere on earth a wellness without clarity, or a person disguising a condition or capable of having some unknown mental disturbance in the middle of work embarrassing for me, to get voices on breaks, have anything to do with beef or consistent with any life I have lived. It’s not until you have everything that voices strike and to me that’s the pattern and that’s the goal, any moment at peace, with love, doing well, minding your own business, recording or trying to work, accomplish small goals in life if not about what I look like appearing well, then its not my faith or my doing, require photos to prove or disprove likeability, or be concerned with my face or question running healthy lifestyle sober disciplined student some privilege related to ethnicity, it’s been described by me, as something occurring when in balance it’s earned, Ive never described it as having anything to do with love and sex, or now to address incorporating “voices” or any other issue thought funny for me to be paranoid about, try to figure out my mental health or be concerned doing well. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life, was to talk about voices, on any level, and the biggest mistake in my life, to not handle more things in private especially with concern for being threatened, which did nothing to prevent voices, unrelated to any lawsuit, anything I should be expected to be strong enough to handle hate or dislike. If there is any moment to know how Im doing, Im sure whatever is causing me mental illness, is not my fault, and I don’t need to worry, delete or leave up anything said or recorded during the experience of mental illness, blame alcohol, or voices, or job loss, or any email or anything about me written and all my years recovering recorded related to anyone else in life, for the first time I was doing well, then suffering on a level not able to blog, enduring symptoms that being able to write now, does not prove, confirm, or explain why I could not speak or write or on how many levels or how many years does it take to create an unknown version of me after performing well, that you blame alcohol for, while in the middle of court, any moment in life proud of myself I could finish one week of work was my goal and was able to, about me being unsure if I would be able to do the job have anything about my fate, or report voices on breaks, I worked hard anyways, there’s no excuse for how and why any mental illness should occur new, mean anything about my mental health, I don’t think Im pretending to be well, I don’t think Im an actress, Im sure you cannot fake disability for 12 years got o so much schooling to become eligible for a job working toward a goal in life, that requires constant reminder upon having a life, nothing takes me away from life, or explains anything gone about me, life works in miracles, and so does the fate of others, when I hear voices, instead of not reporting I need to learn how to report what Im hearing and respond to it in public, the lesson after so many losses, is why should I not deserve to recover not suffer need to experience mental illness in public after months and years of opening up about bullying voices, detailing several forms of information scientifically proven to explain or why 34 years of life without voices, justifies a worsening of my health. Overall I think Im in control of my own health, so please don’t accuse me of speaking mentally ill in public after getting a paid position in law and feeling good about myself, make my mental illness about anyone at all, it’s clearly my life my suffering my body my mind, my phone, my computer and no contact or person I have ever met in life, or undivided purpose should be so dedicated to see how many times I can be broken down, not care what I sound like hurt or upset flipping out tormented I don’t need to ask for forgiveness for my suffering or apologize for my Instagram Im not hurting or offending anyone, its about my mental health not about making fun of what anyone thinks voices are, remember its not about accusing me of having done anything wrong, I am not living life, or a person who loses their life, doesn’t comprehend their own wellness, clearly upset and refusing to hit my head, or commit suicide, not bother anyone, express myself as I am, has nothing to do with work or paying for a corporation, I can make myself happy, I am someone online doing well, who is not passing tests or being mean to anyone, or have not clarified on many levels what voices are politely, sometimes I question science and what meds are for, and maybe continued systems is nothing sober or on any meds in treatment or period of wellness or system of blogging or popularity can guarantee or explain, and Im sure no one is making fun of me, I don’t work for the government, I don’t have a job, I don’t have money, I don’t have tech support, protection or an explanation for why I sounded mentally ill online, why would I be under so much pressure can barely blog, working hard achieve the best result in my entire life a high paying job, have anything to do with anyone else, or anything about my blog, or voices, or hate website, when someone gets hurt and cant handle life and doesn’t deserve a negative treatment and be punished like I did that to myself, eventually I don’t have to perform or be strong or stay sober, or blog, or try Im allowed to discontinue putting effort forward if Im suffering and maybe the best way to illustrate what happens to a person shouted at and called mentally ill, was everything that needed to be seen to justify calling me names on a website, again its not about who I am or what I want, its about what people think, and if those are the words that hurt me, and if that is the kind of person produced after years of discussion, what have I lost, nothing, being human, isn’t a mistake, no one disclosing disability, randomly gets well doing something wrong, or should be blogging in a period in life where blogging should suddenly feel safe, if you are experiencing symptoms and no one cares about death threats a hate website or a job, then what am I doing so wrong in life, that’s hurting anyone, I would say nothing. You can only work so hard to be well, and do not be mistaken when things don’t work out for youl, where did I end up, in the ER, and almost in the hospital, so that’s not me fighting, that was after punching my head crying on knees giving up, needing a med to fix my life, it doesn’t matter the issue, I don’t need to show up to work different or show up to court stupid, lie or pretend like not showing what my mental illness looks at shouted at not necessary to mention the assault in Alabama repeated use of the N word, not relevant to reality or allowance for anyone or any diagnosis to just explain or know whats causing me to be bullied, hated, flip hate, ruin my life, and act like God did that to me, or scotus did that to me, or anyone online did that to me, or that reporting to an investigator was important and an issue dealt with I believed to be under control, ever about judging why would a hate website cause me mental illness and voices and suicide those are not private life crisis that you grade me based on how tough I am, court is probably about who I am, court is probably nothing about voices, or about me having done anything wrong, hate is a real assault injurious to you head to your body, I would never lie or make up a new condition of mental illness after having a job and doing well, and maybe that’s the lesson, its not that Im not strong, its that my wellness is not believed and Im expected be ashamed of flipping out for once in my life, expected to handle everything perfectly or be in a job, or expected to write online perfectly, whatever hurts or trust has been lost, whatever was keeping me from blogging or difficulty improving my stats, is that same amount work discipline meds, and time to recover as any mental illness or ER photo, in case my Instagram didn’t fully explain “bullying voices” dysfunction or justify any diagnosis, stop accusing me of lying, Im not living 12 years over again, or undergoing Invega for 2 years work this hard doing everything right to be able to show up and work, and in a second for any reason you can be hurt and that really proves nothing about life or says anything about me as a human being, or how life is supposed to work, or wellness, God would never hurt me, God would never force me to write online not in a good place, manage a difficulty, without concern for my health, act like Im somewhere in life, or somewhere poor, or someone able, or someone disabled, who is supposed to just take it in life, the worst way to justify voices, is to fail, speak in dysfunction, or not be able to work, that’s me losing in life and Im sure God did not do that to me, and Im sure I was working hard. Instead of continuing to give power to things that entitle anyone to be mad ot upset with me, you cannot predict life, you don’t suddenly become someone not loved, or get a job you don’t deserve, what makes you gangster in life, is owning up to your demonstration and God giving you your abilities back, is how Justice works.