You get to choose which moments define you, please don’t be too concerned as to where my head is at while in court, or deny the fact Im under a kind of pressure in life, that is real and has nothing to do with anyone else. I’ve never felt so pressured to explain my mental health on a level so traumatizing to me, yet not a big deal to everyone else, and Im still not sure what is the solution, for maintaining wellness. One of the biggest changes I’ve endured in life, is going from someone who privately underwent treatments and for years worked hard to stay well, to be in a position where I am in court, and nothing from my past matters, and question how does judging who I am right now, mean I have to explain to the public, requirements, or be subjected to sabotage or difficulties while I am in court and being assessed. To me this is not about the public, my mental health is my right to privacy. I think in terms of voices, I can continue to have thoughtful discussions. I think in terms of my pen name, Ive never not been in support of everyone, or a person going through a lot, who cannot help others, or a person is who is ever confused or doesn’t make sense. I think in every way I worked hard and have been humiliated because of mental health and being on meds, happened, and just do my best to move forward, and be sober. There is nothing that I can do about it now. I just have to accept being at my best and working and accept whatever happened to me and my mental health after leaving work, and really not make a big deal, or require me to apologize to anyone, if it’s only ruining my life, it’s up to me to improve and fix myself, life is not a game. You can work hard and in your honesty, not be appreciated, and Im slowly realizing how damaging being in court has been to my mental health, how destructive being in court has been to my freedoms and my ability to live life and improve live free of harassment. Im at a point in life, where its up to me to live life and not let anyone or anything bother me, and to focus on my health. For the first time Im going through something personally, that I can confidently say has nothing to do with anyone else. I don’t have an explanation for what caused me mental illness after working full time, and just do my best. I didn’t live 39 years of life, and survive so much trauma to be treated like a joke or ridiculed for being in court, or any hate website made. Im at a point in my recovery where I can accept that I cannot control what people say about me or what they do to harm me, and to just focus on myself right now.