Written before blocking hate website.

If that’s what the website said and that’s how I’m being judged and if that is who is hurting me I’m not sure at what point my diagnosis should matter or am anyone complaining why did he win and I sound mentally ill anyone who is suddenly wrong or criminal or working hard in life to a point I’m alive and 39 years old there is no justification for humiliation and voices and causing me suicide repeatedly isn’t hurting anyone to report a website causing voices or later share what was said. I think I’m being clear on the issues it’s not okay to call me offensive it’s not okay to disrespect me and criticize any of my prevention efforts. It’s clear he’s winning I’m not sure why he keeps contacting me. I’m not sure why the Judge is upset if I got hurt or cares when I was able compared to now is not a confusing subject. He called me these things and ruined my life and lost my battle with mental health to someone victimizing me and using court to accuse me of threatening him. I’m the one committing suicide simply asked for help to get the website down. There’s nothing changed about me please don’t accuse me of having a bad life or blame me for anything not working out, I’m not a bad person I didn’t endanger mislead or deserve to be criticized for my leadership and hard work. It’s too late to talk to an investigator or be concerned about meds or sobriety if I’ve been sick for two months since getting a job I really have no obligation to help anyone or be blamed as causing concern to anyone. I’m not racist or homocidal or at fault I’m not inconsiderate of ages or my losses a bad human I’m not criminal I don’t have to change I don’t have to let my life be ruined. He doesn’t deserve to humiliate me in public just to call me schizophrenic and accuse me of being mean I don’t deserve to be called pervert. Don’t blame me of a hate website make up explanations for why Trump was shot using a hate website to ruin my life disrespect me or accuse me of blaming anyone I’m not. I didn’t change I’m in court what’s complicated is not about who I was and what life was ruined it’s about why am I alive right now what’s the point of improvement or getting well in how many ways do I have to lose of not matter or become suicidal until whoever is hurting me feels justified or better. It’s too late he hurt me he ruined my life it’s too late for therapy book or job apps, I’m not schizophrenic, threatening me with voices and trying to get me to punch my head isn’t funny or a public subject I said I did my best I’ve been clear on the issue I was kind enough to let everyone win and not commit suicide and I’m not sure what the problem is or justification for ruining my life and calling me mentally ill or why should anyone care if I die or end up in the hospital how is that bothering anyone else if I’m giving up or don’t want to be alive I don’t know why the judge has had it all I have to do is work hard so no one is shot, if you decide to call me pervert and think calling me pervert is why Trump got shot then let’s put the hate website back up. If it’s unclear what a mental health crisis is related to everyone’s mental health the issue would be not you use the same subject to defend a shooter or accuse me of mixing up any subject or think that a closer use or comparison of my life to any crime is needed to accuse me of being at fault. All I’m saying is whatever the issue is I lost, my life has been ruined, I’m not offensive, it’s not okay to blame me, it’s not okay to victimize me or accuse me of harassment it’s not okay to expect me to just get well and deal with voices and say it’s my fault why I have voices is not what schizophrenia is. The extent to which I’ve been harmed demoralized and caused mental illness repeatedly humiliation in public is whatever product of whatever hate you imagine is whatever you think mental health is or what life is about, I don’t have to talk to anyone accept the difficulty of humiliation and repeated use of voices to harass me cause me to punch my head or give me a hard time wrongfully access me of being sick or hurtful I didn’t do this to myself I didn’t hurt anyone or falsely report or ruin my life I don’t need excuses if you want him to win I don’t have to be alive and that’s no one’s business why my life is ruined or over I didn’t do this to myself I didn’t choose to die be wrongfully accused or called offensive is not okay. Accept the reality of what’s presented. Life isn’t a game you expect me to just fuck up and did fur no reason ignore a hate website. Then why the fuck should anyone care about my mental health or be concerned about why I’m alive and how my life is ruined or should care if I die or not he made it clear no one should care about me I did my best I don’t have to be alive I give up I didn’t days writing you know if that’s what you want mental illness then that’s what you get whoever said it was okay to change me dehumanize me. At this point I give up on voices you chose him I don’t have to be alive it’s too late for court it’s clear I don’t matter no one cares if I did or punch my head and theres no cure for voices, life is whatever you think life is about. I’m not an addict or dying or some pill alcohol joke what don’t you understand about hate and mental illness you got that you wanted you let him win and accept the truth it’s not about you if anyone is trying to kill me and it’s not my fault if he’s making fun of pretending to kill me and act like if I die or ruining my life is fixable.

Reblogged: 01-08-24