Building Resentments …..

Today I started working on my book drafts, not sure when I’m publishing, but keep trying to afford be good enough to fulfill a dream in life, make a book and be an author. Working on a chapter on voices, editing and rewriting my voices research paper, working on Chapter 8. I’ve submitted 10 Chapters so far. It’s been difficult to decide on what to write each day, doing my best to stay positive, and be honest with my audience, and be a helpful sounding board in life, nonetheless.

In AA we learn by Step 4, “resentments” as defined by google.com as “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.” In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Step 4 is where participants work through their resentments. This step involves creating a “searching and fearless moral inventory” of oneself.

Some tools for working through resentment in AA include:

Writing down resentments: Note the person or thing that offends you, the action that caused the offense, and how it has affected your life
Considering your role: Consider your role in the resentment
Being willing to let go: Be willing to live without resentment
Praying: The AA Big Book includes a Resentment Prayer on page 552
Understanding others: Consider that the people who wrong you may have been spiritually sick [1]

Then in Step 11, we are required to ask ourselves everyday, if we were “Was I angry or resentful today YES ___ or NO _____” like a check list of things to go over at the end of your day, to check in a see how you’re doing. [2]

When I think of anger at this time, and voices, what’s different is that Im not drinking over it, Im not self-harming over it, I’m not giving up. I’m being supported, I am being supportive, my writing is improving, and Im working hard to move past what fighting voices sounded like and move forward, and stay sober and never let that happen to me again in life no matter what I hear.

In the past I have been very decisive in clearly listing terms hurtful, and have openly communicated this issue in public to the extent that no one has been offended, male or female, nor any age group or type of audience or Country, failing to read, or suddenly subside in number, due writing on the subject of hurtful terms, thankfully, no one has beef with me, expect maybe voices, so that’s something I will have to continue to work on, and continue to improve, find my voice again, and not allow my voice to be changed, or let myself be taken the wrong way, read with dislike, that much is still within my control how I appear and what I say, be in control of my word choices, and be careful when making decisions, in all my communications private or public. The issues stirred by voices reflect the following resentment (or anger) toward me, in terms of my mental health or disturbed.

Voices Saying Negative Terms:

Don’t want you to be happy.
Don’t hold you in high regard, or respect you.
Think that you can be played at their leisure.
Are used to represent issues to change my demeanor.
Are used, to affect my stability or success preventing self-harm.
Are too sensitive to any discussion of suicide, dissatisfied.
Are offended by things in the immediate, which later cannot be repaired.
Constantly nothing written well is good enough.
Constant judgment as to use of caps lock or cursing or battling voices.
Constant dissatisfaction with writing provided or who I am.
Constant testing of who I am, not accepting of any work quality.
Respond poorly to bad photographs, and causes and increase in voices.
Support hate websites, and don’t consider how that worsens voices.
Voices, continue to counter anything written as to voices, or their origins.
There is constant feeling of being told Im not good enough, try to hurt me.
There is a constant misinterpretation of who I am no matter what life or photos shared.
There is consistent inability to move forward, based on observing me over the years, online, and by watching me work 3 paid jobs, or spend 7 months in treatment.
Voices started after Law School, during a period I was sober and a long distance runner, committed to my physical health, after losing 40-50 lbs, and being fit.
Voices are people who are not on your team in life, but support one another.
Voices, create for a constant negative viewpoint of mental health, diagnosis.
Voices, constantly confuse audience type, writing location, or sense of peace.
Voices, constantly want stuff for free, and unwilling to wait for publishing a book.
Voices, work in support of negative terminology provided by a hate website.
Voices, continue to cause mental disturbance to cause disorientation.
Voices, continue to speak without love, in direct purposeful contact, unwanted.
Voices, are people who are going through your things judging you.
Voices are people who are not accepting of stages of your mental health.
Voices are people looking for an excuse to dislike you, not like you, erase you.
Voices are people, who don’t appreciate privacy, or what treatment is for.
Voices are people who give up on you, get angry at you, then expect you to help them.
Voices don’t value photography and life story shared on Instagram, or respectful of your fears in life, there is constant demoralization and infliction of unwanted closeness or humor inappropriate through knowing me, using “love” or “fame” to not support me, or to not support me to relate to others better, and continue past breaking points, crying or downs. Unusually critical don’t take anything serious, overconfident, do not recognize the value of hard work, constantly treat you as a salesperson, judge your character humanity.
Voices just take a look at you and act like they know everything, put you down.
Voices are being used to harm me, require losing count the number of times reported, and at no stage in addressing voices, has peace yet to be achieved.
Voices, are people, who try to make you look weird, to be misdiagnosed.
Voices are used to try to ruin your reputation so you cant work, blog, or be paid.
Voices constantly take things the wrong way, constantly disrespect housing arrangements, access financially to money, seeing my life, seeing my story, disrespectful. Or trying to make my life look easy, making fun of the wrong person, who doesn’t humor herself or others in stuff deplorable or politically incorrect, period, does her best.
Voices are not representative of my reality or personal interactions with people.
Voices want to cause me mental illness, disrespectful of logs or timelines.
Voices constantly consider emergency laughable, or Instagram unprofessional.
Voices continue to require extreme measures to be supported, to make them stop.
Voices think that victimizing me makes me guilty or them my guilts, is wrong.
Voices think they know what causes lawsuit, or know more about lawsuits than me.
Voices constantly don’t appreciate any discussion proper, constantly insulted.
Voices constantly compare you and try to argue that youre not good enough to ear a wage, or be known, have a world wide audience, meet politicians, or be respected.
Voices try to make you sound mentally ill if you repeat what they say.
Voices don’t comprehend your independence, diplomacy, or mental state of mind.
Voices cause you constant pressure, increased heart rate, put you at risk, stroke.
Voices can be mitigated through expensive therapy treatments for solution.
Voices is a condition, where they person hearing voices needs to be supported.
Voices is not an appropriate use of misidentifying me as able to hear others.
Voices don’t think Im writing my good work, and don’t care how achieved.
Voices thrive and get motivated to increase in use, upon downs, or instability.
Voices constantly use mental health as an excuse to use you to represent them.
Voices constantly don’t appreciate reports diplomacy, privacy, tone, or content.
Voices don’t represent the people.
Voices occur by a hate website written and those terms repeated in support of hate.
Voices do not know me, do not love me, and do not sound like me, by my reports.
Voices don’t understand what is code, overpopulating me, or identify theft a joke.
Voices don’t appreciate what a fight looks like after being harmed.
Voices seek for you to change, watch you speak well, prefer you don’t speak well.
Voices pretend that they are people who can be trusted, or pretend to be street.
Voices reflect a kind of anger, during a time I have stated is inappropriate.
Voices are inappropriately angered is not my fault, is not their right to use fires.
Voices have no right to use fires, to back an anger or resentment toward me.
Voices preceding fires, do not respect my limits, stopping points, or temperament.
Voices continue to be racist toward my photos, genetics, and my story.
Voices don’t care if Im scared, do not recognize Im not guilty, treat me as guilty.
Voices just want to collect things representative of mental illness, to try to sue you or threaten lawsuit, to reinforce themselves calling you a ______ ______ or _________.
Calling me those terms does not inspire me to fight after I said I wouldn’t fight.
Voices have no limits, they are not a trusted body of decision makers.
Voices are people keeping track of you, mistreating you as disabled, steal.
Voices occur anytime I am in love, or now have a paid job, performing well at peace.
Voices prefer for a person with derogatory comments, to humiliate me size me up.
Voices, continue to be dissatisfied with my writing in representation of CA.
Voices continue to use lawsuit, substances, or poor humor, to demoralize you.
Voices, constantly try to create confusion as to coming from me, or them.
Voices, are people who do not respect me as bipolar, or spiritual.
Voices, do not care why Im scared or what scares me, they continue anyways.
Voices continue to use anger and hurtful terms, to change my disposition.
Voices continue to fight me, and expect me to curse, or look grose.
Voices continue to accuse me of being a drug addict or mean.
Voices are people who see everything, and try to remove you from consideration.
Voices are people who do not respect fans in support of me or countries.
Voices are fixated on whether or not people read my blog.
Voices are continued in the event that I am doing well.
Voices continue to make me not feel well, to make themselves feel better.