After a few nights of voices, I once talked about 2017, not much seems to have paved way for acceptance of me, my life, my condition or my story. And maybe that will always be a mystery, what did I do or say, that was viewed in private to cause a lawsuit, and continue to figure out my presence in public, how has being turned on, or hate websites made 4 years ago and again this past year 2024, affected me in life, and worsened my condition and experience with voices. Sometimes I feel like nothing I say is good enough or helps to prevent voices. Sometimes I feel like there is constant motivation to not support me, or just go with what he says, and really that makes me think  about why should I be alive in light of an unmonitored unknown number of views to a hate website, was clearly reported and so painful causing argument, minus writing online, that caused me to overdose and call 911, in what way does an experimentation or lightness required to not support me, in favor of who is hurting me, and clear on how dysfunction or writing less, or speaking poorly, or not properly, has resulted in continuing to face voices, again, these are not your losses, my life is not about you, whoever voices are, repeating things someone else has said, claiming to know me or be close to me, is nothing about my personality or the deciding factor to accuse me or try to oversimplify my life, like anyone can see everything just looking at me, life doesn’t work that way, that’s not how analytics happen, its about who you are as a person. What a hate websites improvement and discontinue the spread of hate toward me, and discontinue talking to a DA, or sharing incidents of calling the police or making fun of my moments recorded in words, know that Im not stupid, I don’t see people as stupid, I don’t see people as weak, I don’t think Im smart, I worked hard to get into law school and got good grades living honestly, and no I will continue to this day to improve and stay well, and not end up in jail or arrested, or let myself be accused in public, or constant rejection of things that I say, express concern thoughtfully, and continue to prove that Im not guilty, I think the more you question me, and require heavy treatments and question why Ive been medicated since law school abilify was recommended, why not start with how did voices get worse after two hate websites, forget the moments I worked and did well or sounded well, and nows time to focus on what do voices have anything to do with fires, and start there in terms, of how is my writing innocence, can life having been affected by court, my battle and no one else’s business. I don’t have to delete conversations, start over or close blogs, continue to look bad, like that’s anyones peace, or accuse me of reading people or being critical, I worked hard to feel good and to be alive and to have a website, I have shared honestly, and maybe it’s the sense of humor that is lost as to who I am, with no concern for what I look like, already creating disgusting misrepresentations of me in public, and Im doing my best to move forward. This is not about the public, if I experience voices, and put in immediate danger of harming myself, then that is something worth discussing in writing, and worth staying sober for, and if I so decide can tell court anything I want to tell them, afterall my life is not about voices, and voices misrepresent me, and a hate website misrepresented me, and no I cannot explain to you why fires occur, or continue to be disrespectful toward me and my life or what I have to share, as though my perspective is false, I have done nothing wrong in life, or bad, or criminal, to deserve voices or any illness period. Im a good person, Im allowed to contact NTSB and report anything I want to report on the subject of voices period, its not about me, when you make things about voices, voices are not people, voices don’t exist and are called delusion, voices don’t care how suicide happens, and without empathy for a fan or for myself, continue to harm me, voices, just want to make you look weird. Having this diagnosis, only started to become damaging the more it reinforced hate websites, and they more damage that it caused to my life, the harder I had to fight, and is why I got a job, instead of suicide, that doesn’t mean Im some wimp that you keep using a word, or tech, or alcohol or story to humiliate me over and over again, is not the code, is not how life works, disturbing me, and then expecting me to help or constantly ambivalent as to who the people are, who voices are, who is a lawsuit about, what is my life about, discontent with books thoughtfully written, its what type of person do voices want to be connected to that hurting me is not about me connected to them.

The Photo is Wavelengths: Because they keep trying to take meds away so I sleep.