Texts to Justice Sotomayor 

Why it’s not safe to share story staying home it was taken the wrong why (why are others memorialized improve) while using voices to accuse me of not being recovered or call mental health selfish or court mean I’m asking for help or letters and don’t deserve it a person who did something wrong or inappropriate to share my story in private and did share in group discontinued communication isn’t how to address the death of my family or OJ or accuse any blog post relevant to contesting my sensitivity to public did my best write a book without mention proper at the time I think the focus is on demoralization disability barely well in time to talk with my Dad apologize for being hurt doesn’t mean I’m guilty of my eulogy insincere or contacting a sponsor for help mean my issue is having difficulty to talking to people you accuse me of meaning I did something wrong to him or them or OJ or Todd or Taylor expect me to just take it and accuse me of being gay and using one job in film or award as strategy to change my ending for allege else’s happiness.

It used to be everyone’s okay something’s wrong with me.

Then it became something wrong with others you accuse me of being wrong.

Then it’s not knowing my story or not knowing me accuse my work online as inconsistent or said something wrong that shows I’m not taking court seriously if the permanency of court coming to mean disbelief telling me to stay away I’m sure fired fema and CA state bar would not reply if I denounced anyone on my team didn’t help means it’s not okay to change my story

What doesn’t exist are voices 

That solution is not helping normalcy who needs help 

I can’t afford this forced system of exposing me not in a book form be downgraded for all the moments I can’t speak is not for you for them how you judge a woman with eggs as incapable of stopping reproduction of stuff wrong with me or unable to correct mistakes

It’s a good choice to stay home if my website isn’t good enough improve it figure out why a post removed keeps repeating use of hurtful series of words make fun of me not knowing what to do accuse me of being controlled or predictable or a curable disease I was positive view reading as preventative not someone that needs to constantly suffer compare me off meds to me on meds expose me engage me lose my peace make fun of where I am a jail story or unimpressive example of someone who has learned the hard way to not go out not drink not drive subject to missing a ride invited to a party to see family a photo taken of me driving behind the CHP is my loss my life ruined losing to voices and being sent to jail isn’t worth testing anyone accuse me of running around gone disabled lost my touch isn’t good enough plain and simple the judges words “not a rigorous program”

I liked a mother daughter video and just remembered they’re watching my face and now accuse my life as not being cute loved is not too late to show photos clear on how a bad soccer photo and college photos failed to diffuse rumor of relapse or being farted on my own face looking bad a person uptight who went to rehab not court ordered told I’ll be okay did what I thought was right and up until 2013 after the bars told my parents not to give me money helped in terms of relapse recognize to not do cocaine clearly shared how I can’t handle fighting punch my head isn’t about being cool with cops put in jail or not put in jail mean I’m up or high up or arguing for privacy over 12 year development not sacrificing solution failing …

Updated writing after sharing private discussion. Content written for the public.

If you want to use OJ to treat me like OJ and tell me to leave that’s how you fathom life and peace and what you decide is disability clearly isn’t about me or my blog posts or bothering OJ or not remembering where I come from strong enough to be alone recognize people as not strong enough to withstand conditions I’m put under didn’t change my Dad didn’t change anyone everyone got to be normal but no at this point in time I’m 40 I can’t afford to get in trouble cursing after an Eminem song was cited to told personal story is about what’s good enough to make others feel special about (why am I not me) and why do ok others get to be me talk about me (and how should I know when things are better by mere observation not someone’s story I never made a you can’t handle the truth story spreading misinformation) I said beatle  juice a person capable of preventing fights stopping from argument described properly not use my blog post to accuse me of being “unwanted help” I didn’t emasculate Todd or believe I hurt someone I loved I’m not overanalyzing court in denial someone I loved was hurt that I’m accused of OCDA reading  my blog to know how Todd feels someone told I had a prior who they did not believe was criminal forewarned to stop talking to someone who could not be replaced and who is not responsible for an overtaking of voices or excited to be hurt by me now use sickness to spread a hurt or futility or use website to keep blaming me as changing into something offensive forgetful I get what alcohol represents an excuse to rationalize an upset toward me (kicking me out to justify a system of support you expect me to ever ask for help again or question). Means ending up in the ER being sent home not suicidal checking my heart rate was low is not me pitiful allowed to talk to someone described as “pleased” time to make me fight (a woman) get sober (continue to get voices) unclear what’s controlling whats real or what for who or what anyone is going by I’m doing the right thing to be alone forgo privacy in therapy with clear disturbances why me of all people is being accused of saying a word or suffering a fate in common to my story no one knows and telling me is how you tell what you can predict about me or a changed definition … life isn’t about me working hard causing disability make me old compare me expect love from me or constant amazement with how many times “voices” get supported and I’m called mentally ill or how many times am I misdescribe did valid argument is my issue with Hestrin not a person who is connected clearly disturbed by any system isn’t me causing him to be given a hard time if I’m able to communicate prevent a harm I’m not “coming across as too strong” or a person recording singing not critical of Taylor Swift of getting into a club or be treated as OJ asked to leave proper to say my wellness is what’s wrong and my observation of who I love is not for me think his happiness is (to disallow me from feeling good) has turned into (not staying well and by use of my comment unclear how sober working hard wasn’t rigorous enough) mean any trusted system isn’t being abused or make fun of how bad things happen or require me to email or suddenly have a detailed solution while addressing voices (mean calling it delusion isn’t working for everyone hearing sick ass pervert pervert fucking loser) I’m clear on it being what voices say it’s not about accusing me of failing to disclose or strategy or withhold solution or need money afraid to write an OJ book a person who isn’t good enough to be valued discouraged or accuse working hard and confusing a hard life or writing as (voices defenses of calling me dericlict and no one wants your pussy no more and pervert suck ass pervert fucking loser) calling me lesbian accusing me of masturbation in public make fun of any campaign or writing like I’m supposed to just take it mean I can’t handle guilt or joke care what others thinks or incapable of fixing myself with a condition not acknowledged isn’t about why would friends or my Mom be upset with me or told to not blog now not the solution after working paid and expected to be the reverse of my definition of a role model to make me not stay well nothing work out for me accuse me of being criminalized disrespectful to BLM once a part of not use Todd as person hurt who later improves mean I’ve changed not handling voices well or make fun of the benefit and use of voices to be “dissatisfied” ruin my Voloco octave ranking to a word highlighted by a persistent use of voices I’ve not blamed or no known system of guilt inherited or mistake deadly or self harm or punishment some known disappointment doesn’t mean it’s okay to accuse me of drugs or alcohol or a lesser life made fun of make jokes about who I am means I’m not going through something and other people are being hurt disabled or unable to prove whether I’m a soldier or not a person welcomed back to life instead of making fun of me being sober drive by a check point on my way to see a soldier is not what tells me what’s wrong or hiya to make “set up” jokes or accuse me of felony or DUI hear my story expect me to move on, sometimes maybe the best solution is being some place serious home not bothering anyone not accuse me of not listening hear my story use court to tell me I’m not a victim or use voices scaring me or relapse excuse make fun of schizophrenia definitions or voices and recovering and later expect me to live disabled isn’t helping anyone if I’m not viewed as smart or innocent it’s not me upsetting anyone who thinks everything is simple or use my words or focus to exclude me clearly give me time to be faced with a dilemma requiring me to stay home my absence from AA or tardiness or emergency or timing in life is not spent unwisely expected to stay still or try to criminalize me return to normal is not about reality and everyone else’s life that doesn’t need to be offended by me and if my words couldn’t help others and I turned into a scared hesitation discomfort voice delusion dislike fear flyers job duration or experience it’s not the meds telling me what’s wrong with me that alcohol or adderrall or the word “cocaine” or “court” is me not accepting how things look, sometimes the best was to be offended is to be told what’s wrong with you, and accept for others to be in a better place that doesn’t require me to be disabled or old for a happy ending to occur or person to be right knowing whether or not I’m going I’m make it or end up sick a person with a medical history or sense of life insensitive to age or later strength improper for contact I think attacked (vulnerable) makes the elderly vulnerable I think respect follows in terms of whether or not I’m respected I think events occurring are not in the power of any diagnosis treatment online content place in lies online offline at home out a “location joke”

Working toward solution takes times it as me who believed in writing as a solution for voices it was me who describe how challenging it is to help it’s not my job to share and help and accuse me of losing a game I’m not playing or not fun loveable a person go you judged after books and job and handling another hate website expect for a solution to be “voices” or disturbing my peace or create difficulty fighting me while using the word “schizophrenia” or any focus or looking bad question my take in life on me on them about filtering my exposures living a life not by mistake ignorant of other peoples feeling what they can tell of make now the time to not accept apology after not fighting forced to fight dishonor all prior writing use words or rumor to be done with me and accuse me of being senseless can’t tell what’s wrong with me or worrying others as though I don’t make sense it’s unclear what “voices” took the wrong way, or what system for solution is expected to occur private or public meaning not abuse systems of trusts I think by the point voices took offense to me questioning why I was being called derelic I’m clearly not communicating an experience of fires as a mass trauma “wildfire” or “expected to take lightly bomb or fire costume ignorance” is not about making fun of me watching the news writing my own deal at the time the person convincing others of threat or a person who lacks faith or ability or a person who is wrong who cannot prove themselves or be trusted with meds or job, or not allowed to work blog or openly be criticized about the use of “politics” a later happening resulting from hate websites (a recognized continued difficulty voices where I do feel who I am or what’s said about me or whats taken away or mean I should be offended by people comforted not need to the persons who’s life doesn’t belong places or is somewhere public or “shocking” unclear on what’s good enough “sufficient” responsibility or ever in the future require me to be loved or some place contacted of right now is about how is what’s wrong with me and by disclosing an issue not because of meds mean I’m guilty I think the way you made fun of how difficult breakups were and forget any moment I deserved to reconnect instead of viewing in the positive “how does he know to connect” a person confusing anyone or condemned told to stay away difficult I honestly don’t think being accused insulted accused of cheating of not working hard means me punching my head shows asking the police for help unstable something that happened next ungrateful or not forgiving have been through so much now’s not the time to accuse me of taking anything to heart from me or unclear what is known I think whatever the basis is used for watching me as not the code or losing to voices isn’t about forcing me to fight on every issue reverse all my work to misrepresent issues to make me sound stupid after getting a job and say I did that to myself or relate to a movie about an experience with voices in a movie doesn’t make me mischief or a witch or at fault or a person who just gets used to be ignored and punished for every reaction and told to not do this don’t do that expects a person working hard unpaid is not undeserving of a job paid expected elsewhere forgetful of a system or who I am or what I sound like a person giving up or someone who said or described sickness or ending up in the hospital or taking a Geodone only upsets voices maybe I haven’t put in detail at what point a type of sickness is my fault or by stating to not abuse systems of trust doing my best see the public necessity to addresses doesn’t mean I’m abusive or voices are abusive toward me expecting a quality or ability to produce and blog after describing what it feels like to manage a blog or grow an audience isn’t about my goals unhelpful if God or some reality or system of guilt or brave commentary is not about everyone being affected or hurt if he said that and that’s how you see me then your free to observe figure out where I end up or what’s true, is your making fun of my experience with wildfires and accusing me of not working hard failing to provide solution. It’s what do voices represent and how much writing and editing and rewriting is required to establish a system both voices can exist and any observation of life exist I think past the point of treating as a person less than who is wrong who is changed who is offended fought critical of what’s in short or accuse me of lying I can’t control what’s code or how writing if being fought have turned into excuses to call me mentally ill or be hurt so many times you question how others are hurt if I’m hurt ….. I’m doing my best I’ve always described solution as occurring through writing in spite of voices I’m taking meds doing my part to figure out what’s wrong without sounding mean of cutting support not trying to get away with being critical of any woman or company defensive or someone who has a good life no one attacks no cars honk at no person looks at no one asks me to leave no person connected with no place online anywhere with a secret way of life elsewhere someone you make fun of for speaking online or being taken of meds pushing myself not lying about disability is not me not loving giving up on dreams or forecasting what the people want changing my life by making mistakes a person who described suffering a losing my blog and ability to get a job a good reason to feel without purpose in life nor about me teaching people to hurt me or accuse me of lying or being uneducated or not a medical professional with 12 years experience is what it is “shocking” to force me to tell people what I’m called a difficult conversation in therapy. So instead of not being amused by goal setting accuse me of not managing a difficulty on my own working toward solution based on the facts and knowing what I’ve said not contesting voices or require being accused of being high or a cocaine related injury you accuse me of being too stupid to attend law school.