If you ever get lost people pleasing and worrying what everyone thinks, one of the best ways to overcome that feeling of what if, is to be someone who shows that you care. It’s usually in all the details not necessarily the overall big picture that you need to get in the immediate. People appreciate something well said that shows that you are thinking wisely, and in that way, people can be okay with you, not feel policed by your opinions or outlook, and there’s a lot of team spirit that can go into staying well, if you show that that feeling of wellness I for everyone not just you.
I got another book by Gabrielle Berstein I haven’t read yet, called: “Self Help: This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.” [1] In her foreward, she explains how she plans to teach us to embrace all parts of ourselves and to “stop vilifying each of those inner personalities and instead embrace them with compassion and forgiveness.” [2] She describes one of those personality traits as “knives out” aggressive protector. In my early sobriety this time around, leaning toward step work, and focusing on my side of the street, I noticed periods of myself getting carried away in argument, defensive, and that must be that “aggressive protector” version of myself if stuck in argument, only doing myself more harm than good. I think when defensive, instead of reaching a feeling of mutual agreement, you leave yourself on a side of conversation that’s hard to approach, or needs to be corrected by someone.
I think it’s hard when you feel a certain way about yourself, and don’t want to get hurt, to validate yourself and your feelings, through affirmations. I find myself doing that a lot when it comes to defending myself against voices. One of the biggest challenges with voices, is being able to differentiate “something not existing” from what is existing, keeping your audience in mind, people who generally don’t think poorly of you, support you, and enjoy reading your work. I think a lot can get lost in translation, in being defensive, it makes you less approachable, and it can be an isolating feeling, to be on your own feeling a certain way, hard to put into words, not get hurt in the process of opening up. I think as a writer, you become very vulnerable the more you share about mental health, maybe isn’t the most simple way of describing symptoms and thoughts, but clearly is an example of how “voices” a symptom, can change one’s writing to be about other things, they maybe are not inclined to discuss out loud. A lot of being a writer, requires you to filter, this is how you achieve clarity, learning what not to say, I don’t see there being many rules though when it comes to voices. I hope to sound more brave and articulate, than someone suffering helpless, who doesn’t get it.
Reference:
[2] “Self Help: This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.” By Gabrielle Bernstein. (book)
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