I’ve not been too shy about my fears as of lately, beyond the little things you worry about, people being mad at you, what others think, rumors, being exposed, career ending traumas, in the end you just have to keep going. I can say the scariest times for me, have been getting in trouble, mostly sober, but because of mental health issues, misidentified as something else and that’s okay, eventually it was not a problem, how I looked, no one worried, everyone glad to see me doing well, I guess its nothing I should ever worry about how someone else can tell there is something wrong but I cant or take me to the hospital, I will just have to continue to have faith in different systems of support, and pray to never get punished for my mental health, including this week in court.

To face my fears, I do take those leaps of faith, later in life, it becomes dangerous to take risks like traveling alone, being out at night, going to the bars, you will find your moments in life, even if you are not exactly where everything is happening, in your world where you are that’s whats happening, not whats going on elsewhere, don’t be ashamed for partying a little less or taking breaks socially, there will be moments again, where you are invited to reunions, look through pictures, reconnect with old friends, and talk about life, and hopefully have things to share about beyond mental health.

I used to go running at night everyday for years, sometimes late at night, I was that brave on my own, a night owl, but later had to change my schedule to wake up early, and do everything in the day time, not wait until nighttime to run errands, go to CVS. To face my fear of being alone, after a breakup, and working for year in a job, and that job ending (unpaid). I found a newfound sense of determination becoming a long distance runner. And later ran a half marathon, even on meds. The point is to never give up, even if you have nothing, even if you don’t know how to begin, even if your overweight or trying to lose weight, the goal is to just begin. It’s the results later on, after being disciplined in your approach to wellness, and feeling good about yourself, that you can do more in life, or run for longer, or set goals like I did to run for an hour everyday for a month, pushing yourself to do crazy things meaningful to you in life, is about being strong. Never lose sight of what makes you a strong person in life. Maybe it was just me who found that through running I felt strong.

It’s okay to be afraid of fear. I am not someone who watches scary movies, so it’s not in  my taste to watch scary things, or crime shows, or detective shows, but I have. Later in life with mental health, they don’t even recommend watching the news. You will have a lot of fears in life, and challenges ahead, the goal is to be confident in your decision making, you won’t always be able to predict what’s next, or even know if you are going to make it, the more you know yourself, you will know, how to make better decisions, set boundaries, and not live in fear of things, procrastinating and not getting started. I would say that that ability to learn how to do something that you don’t know how to do, is what makes us unique, in different jobs, different educations, so be proud of that much about you. We all have a different sense about things, we wont all ever feel same, or know what to do, but be thankful for the support that you get in difficult times, that is what I’m most appreciative of.