I am probably that person, who had everything, or lost everything, or started again, or had good news, then bad news, who sounds like a life isn’t fair story. I just think its important to note that I did spend the time focusing on the insults and how they have affected me, I didn’t think that any of my statements would cause a repetition of any mistreatment of me. And maybe that’s something Ive experienced that no one else has, and maybe that’s the definition of voices. Something you go through that no one knows anything about makes it out to seem worse than it is, which causes misdiagnosis, and results in being given a hard time in life, and thought that you are sicker than you are.

It doesn’t make sense that I have done so much work, to live a good life, and I have no idea why my story would not be supported. I think of all the people who have worked hard and been supported, or fought for good things in life, and said meaningful things and were supported, and I wonder why of all people am I not supported, and what is the purpose of not respecting my privacy, or trying to force this, doing well, hard time, nice to me fluctuation, in treatment, as though I don’t know how to live my own life. We may not all have the same moments of arrival in terms of clarity and seeing everything as a whole. But hope that the more clear you think, and view success to be a matter of, you don’t discount me and what Ive been through to be deserving of having a good life too.

Right now I don’t feel like talking to anyone. And just want to focus on myself, and what went so wrong in my life, that I collapsed, being fought, or didn’t make it, why should I die of all people I wonder, what have I ever done so wrong to deserve to die, or be punished, really think about who I am, and whats worth my time and energy sharing online. It’s again its not about being this secret person online, that others read at their leisure, who you expect to be treated as something else in real life, and decide that I should adjust, or have not given my best effort to be able to blog and also be a normal person, with sound decision making skills. No I don’t feel like going to court, on the basis that I don’t know what everyone’s happiness is, I don’t know how things should be, I don’t know how to tell what should be funny or cute at a time like this, if this is how Im treated after discussing bullying voices, I don’t even trust tech, and refuse to put up with being lied to, disadvantaged, not afforded the same opportunities in life, as a writer online, and that’s not fair.