I think being honest about voices helps, I think I was punished for managing a series issue privately, and no contacts period provided solution for voices, no method of writing, calling for help, or messages, and Im sure that is not always my fault, or because of meds, there will always be a reason for others to not care, and that is not my job to be cared for or be loved, or be famous, or be mistreated as a cause or a problem, or someone who is not living life to the best of her ability. So appreciate my honesty. I do take it personally, when I work hard and I am open take the time to share my experiences and offer solutions for voices, does not mean hearing my psychiatrist describe self-harm as “frustration” or a therapist telling me “these are not my voices” are describing moments supported, to try to change my life to unsupported, or be blamed, I am not working hard to figure out how my information is being used or concerned about who is checking or hacking or stealing my data, right now I am focused on staying alive, and being the reliable human being that I am who does not blame, or explain things nicely, not a mean person, or educator or treating anyone tough in a bothersome way, or provoking anger or offense in others, I think if you are made to believe in things or use dislike to judge my character, then thats something that I cant control, that a job or publishing is not going to solve voices, even though Im doing my best, and it’s not something thats not a big deal that you just get used to, at some point I have to move foward and work toward preserving my peace, Im not living life complaining, or refusing medical care, or getting sick on purpose, not lying or being harmed or in some drug induced place of no importance in life, accuse me of trying to be important, or not in the solution, all I said was one post, before voices decided to challenge me, and I have no way of bringing up voices differently, to not accuse me of insulting anyone or not being helpful for a condition, that is new not something I ever suffered from regularly, does not mean anything is my fault, or if I get hurt, just assume I said something wrong, or rubbed someone the wrong way, or am unintelligent, or replaceable, or focused on anyone else’s happiness but my own, I dont view myself as a threat because I have a life that I dont need to share or be made fun of for what I have to say anywhere, and if I am hurt that is not my fault. And meds are necessary, because the meds are required to be independent and to work, and to overcome disability, or being bullied, to not be dependent on anyone for love, or be made fun of for any step work, or sex experiences in life. I dont know what else to say proper, when I am the one being hurt, I dont know what I have to share or leave up, or talk about or suffer from to say anything thatv I cant say in writing, I think Im not giving up, you can only ask for so much in life, and be helpful and try to be helped in life, before you are hurt and not benefiting from writing and sharing to the public, and thats a new issue, negative input, and expected output, I may not get everything right, and you may believe in some system that hints Im not a leader, or dont pay attention, or ignore me, reject me, or think Im going places in life, or not going to die if I dont get a job, or fix my blog, or figure out why Im being hurt and if Ive been hurt its okay if Im too late, I dont believe that there is any reason to light California on fire, that is no ones fault, when everyone is improving, I dont think what was said about me enlivened anything dark, to accuse me or my audience as having learned anything or accuse my stories or a knowing of me as transmitting any kind of unwanted feeling or sense of being in life, that you accuse of being violent or unintelligent or criminal, thats not how I am living life, and I dont prefer to be put on a system of being belittled or put down, when I am not having sex, not being social, have barely started therapy, still openly blogging, and accept everyones peace, as equally disturbed by bad news, and I dont think that Im that, its my life, I have to keep myself alive, I dont have unlimited meds to be made fun of after a few days home from the hospital psushed or accuse me of being suicidal, or hearing any voice male or female, you accuse of being an acutual person, and call me delusional not accuse me of having an victims, or accuse my writing as not being professional. That I think is wrong to make fun of me aggravate saying stop, and to not care what is causing me sickness, Im not short tempered or mean to age groups, ot not smart or cool enough to be given voices, or waste time trying to connect with or influence a younger audience that I am not corrupting, or living absent to their innocence, or tolerance or not be disappointing or hurtful. I think I was hurt because I talked about the few instances of voices and what they sounded like and as a result I was hurt, and by not connecting with court, Im not living in defiance, or living offensively, or someone who is living unsupported I am lucky to receive medical care, dont accuse me of not being deserving of the life I have living at home, and by the terms to stay well, dont accuse me of abusing meds, or alcoholism, or delayed visitation to meetings to address my own issues in life, AA cant help me with voices, being off meds cant help with voices, scotus cant help with voices, George Flyod cant help with voices, Eminem can help with voices, California is not taking me to trial I was found not guilty, however I move on in life, is at whatever pace I am living however brief a moment of wellness is disturbed, I know that nothing is my fault, and not especially fires, and whether anyone is keeping track, or calling me dead, or using words, to suggest Im dead, or make Mel Gibson jokes who was shown on Fox News, trust that I am not living life having made no mistakes in life, or unable to address an issue by saying a word, and should not be accused of racism, thats trying to change my entire life, and I have not been alive this long, to just get rid or me, who does that to people, since when is everyone required or entitled or use whatever means to hurt people with force more powerful than my own mental health, and maybe those are things this person overcame and are forgiven for, Im not using any system or support male or female, or anyone who is living life blaming anyone, or having any conversations in private, cant just go back to normal, or make light of voices or who reaches out to support, and it shouldnt matter who I am speaking to, all that matters is Im in court, and no one is talking to me, and Im doing my best, therefore I dont have to explain what court is for or what is going on and why, if no one is talking to me, or be made fun disconnected improve, get a job or be punished, I didn t do anything wrong, to get a job I was well, I have never lied in my entire life, and I dont need an excuse to not be put in jail or someone who you treat as belonging in jail is very insulting and a derogatory use of bullying or forced isolation judgmental of the quality of my life, or my innocence.