One of the best ways to move forward is to spare your opposition the agony of defeat, which can arise through improvement, that fear of making other people feel bad or jealous, that sense of guilt you feel (whether that’s a voice) or a feeling or thinking about others, not wanting anyone to feel bad, thinking wrong about you. Who’s to say that everything is to change so greatly that everyone is suddenly proud, and happy, and overcomes all at once. Feeling heard and knowing what your audience wants and needs, comes first to personal issues. Its been difficult with so many personal updates at times, to be in a place in which all can benefit, even when considering the big picture which is for everyone to put together in their minds, knowing me or not knowing me, with assistance, offered perspective, or figured out on your own. Not sucking the joy out of life, means rolling with the punches, and being open to differing view points. I find that my gravest difficulties are when I don’t feel well, and cant snap out of it, and be myself again, it feels like this lingering sense of guilt, or unwanted feeling left over from something that no one wants to takes responsibility for. Can you imagine if everyone was responsible for everyone else’s mental health, what kind of world would we live in constantly getting sick everytime one of us falls. So have faith and a firm belief in yourself, to carry yourself through those lingering moments of uncertainty, to be without good news, my best advice is to keep busy, to create good news, how else is life supposed to evolve and blossom, constantly bombarded by the past and unstated conflicts that would be a nerve wracking, and uncomfortable experience in life, walking on egg shells around eachother, no moment should ever be so intense, that anyone has to put up with unwanted pressures in life.

So far Im doing okay in my recovery, got to rest for a month, and working on my return to blogging. It’s not been perfect processing what went wrong, I have never collapsed in my entire life, and take meds, and this has never been a problem for me, but then again we are only human and can only push ourselves so far dealing with things beneath the realm of reality, yet create a space in public that speaks to the realm of reality. I haven’t finished watching the movie Molly’s Game yet, but recently checked my Facebook and am getting friend suggestions from Kevin Costner accounts, with one friend in common through political work who knows Barack Obama, I volunteered for his organization a long time ago OFA “Organizing for Action” when I was in between jobs. MY friend request was accepted, to an account we are not sure is Kevin Costner, and I am allowed to message his official account on Instagram, which only few celebrities let you message their accounts anymore, not without permission. Ive enjoyed sharing my story so far, with difficult parts in terms of health and voices, but maybe those will always be the most difficult parts of my story to discuss, I don’t think the person, or blog post, is ever going to create a moment for me, fully having overcome a condition, and not experience it again, I always viewed mental health as something you manage everyday, approaching each day giving it my best, and lucky to be new pen pals with Kevin Costner, so far so good. Im working on overcoming addiction to adderrall and staying sober, and don’t wish to let anyone down, not even him. There is so much of life to live and be thankful for, whats not inspiring about a beloved actor, with a beautiful career, starring in the movie The Bodyguard. Im a huge Whitney Houston fan, and in talking to him, Ive found that its been helpful to reflect on who I am and what I have to offer to a person of his status, and reminds me to get over a lot of the negativity that gets piled up, from taking extra meds, or drinking, or harping too much on the past. I hope that everyone else continues to feel inspired, and keeps faith in the good things about life, minus the controversy, of anything that can go wrong writing in public, so far so good.