In spite of everything I still write, even if things are not perfect. You can only do your best. Right now Im focused on my sobriety of over a month now, not drink, work on my temperament when I get voices, not leave home travel or call 911, and do my best to deal with life on lifes terms. Im going through a lot, and having trouble being consistent in terms of discussions on voices, are not always the easiest. I think everyone is doing great, and doing a good job of being supportive of one another. Im focusing on myself, Im not outting a system or any secret to any industry, if anyone I think I was the one exposed and outted mischaracterized defamed, demoralized, humiliated, and embarrassed and that is what was causing me mental illness voices, and affecting my writing. There is not much that I can do about now, but pray, and stay sober and do my best to move forward an be positive. I have a job interview on Wednesday with the Red Cross I was selected to be interviewed by phone for a year round position, and lucky that I got accepted to volunteer at their organization. I filed for disability and should be getting a check in the mail soon. I went to psychiatry today to discuss voices and what the best solution will be, and to discuss what is going on for me, what types of life stressors Im going through in life, cant afford live disabled of be taken off meds, or be sent away, Im not strong enough to be sent away to treatment, I got chest pains in sober living, it’s a very rigorous schedule and did my best pushed myself for 7 months, off adderrall. Im going to hold off on applying to law positions right now, to not stress about adderrall or need the med to work. I think I am improving, I still get hurt from time to time, not feeling good, its really hard for me to blog right now, and stay well considering everything Ive gone through. Its not helpful to argue or fight with voices that makes me sick, and not worth blogging about, my stats go down in the event that Im made to talk about voices. I think everyone has been through a lot, I don’t want my health to take away from the positive spirits of others going through their stuff. I wish I didnt get sick, and could stay well and always write well and get jobs, that’s what Ive been working towards my whole life, one day.

After returning to blogging based on my current life stressors and symptoms I’m going to not blog if I’m not feeling well, I can’t handle voices and backlash from the hate website it’s been 7 months of dealing with being hurt suffering from voices and doing my best to blog everyday perform in spite of being hurt and got a full time job I did my best I’m proud of my work if I need to rest I need to rest I’m none of those things he said, even he admitted it’s not true and not even his admission did anything to solve the symptoms. I’m going to focus on treatment and therapy start journaling and it’s not a big deal if I don’t blog, workout, take it easy rest, as recommended, or work. I know when I get well life will be good again and I’m okay taking a break minus the pain and suffering of controversy including not suffer any unwanted attentions or increased negative judgment over my right to privacy or medical condition, I don’t think I deserve to be given a hard time by anyone right now I got hurt he is getting punished for hurting, let me decide what my purpose is in life and what my options are before judging me or making his words my reality that much I don’t have to explain to anyone I don’t deserve retaliation or bad mouthing, sabotage, negative commentary or judgment I work hard live an honest life do my best and shared everything I have it’s really not fair to call me anything bad it’s none of anyone’s business who I am if I’m being judged there is nothing I can do about that now this is my life and I don’t deserve to be hurt life’s not a joke that’s not his you treat women this is not how you treat people who speak in public live sober attended law school and get jobs.

I need to take a break from blogging this is affecting my health and I’m getting voices as a result of talking to anyone which is not my fault and I’ve called 911 twice since symptoms, I’m not schizophrenic Dr Majid of Cedars says I’m not schizophrenic the police told me I’m not schizophrenic I’m a writer and attended law school I don’t deserve negative attitude or being given a hard time or get bad looks over mental health when I’ve been writing for 12 years working on getting job no life is easy everyone has to work hard to get sober to get a job to not get in trouble to earn a wage to have a life to be somebody don’t call me a loser, I’m going to continue to call 911 to report bullying voices to stop bullying voices and go from there.