After working on two books, and after disclosing treatments I underwent for voices, and forward about self-harm and overcoming that hurdle in life, including honest about how in August without writing overdosed on diet pills and if you view that as a suicide attempt or not handling a hate website well, then I suppose 7 months of working hard improving talking to this person, and establishing a sense of peace with this person, was not good enough to solve voices not even his support or change to being nice to me and not posting a hate website. In the end Im not pressing charges, Im not prosecuting anyone, Im not blaming anyone, and Im sorry that my discussion of having voices in common to his statements, was not appreciated as my experience honest, and voices has become something that Im being mistreated as accusing someone else as giving me voices, then bringing up my past or medical condition accused of having sickness or issues with voices, as though Im not medicated or unaware of whats wrong with me. It’s clear that Im doing my best, I can’t handle being called that and started punching my head today, and have discontinued talking in private, just had therapy today, and clearly I have no solution for honoring 4 years of hard work and being forgiving and not punishing accepting whats wrong with me, having compassion for others witnessing me punished or being overmedicated and sedentary, not forgetful of emergencies when Im taken off meds, rest for two weeks, or choose to go to the hospital, I don’t think Im someone living life, making anything anyone fault, or not gracious about being able to afford support forgetful of the years invested in staying well, and its unfortunate that he got punished, and its unfortunate I didn’t stay well got voices and work and had to leave my job, which at the time I was still talking to someone with a website up, being a strong person, dealing with voices, no matter what the causes are, clearly the solution is not citing to a website no one has to admit to seeing no one appreciates stats found and shared, clearly my devastation my self-esteem, someone who picked herself up and kept trying, and didn’t let anyone treating me as stupid or any exposure be so punishing in life, I cant explain at what point anything amounts to anyone being punished. I cant explain why I was sued, or not allowed to talk to people, and do my best to not talk to anyone and maybe that’s the solution for voices, to say in public because of what he said, I am not believed, because of what he said, no one cares that I got a job, no one cares for my losses, no one cares about me, no one forgives me, no one appreciates my work or privacy or work in public or photos, and no one can empathize with a condition of voices or diagnosis that is convincing others to treat me as sick or accuse me of saying sick things or blame me for their sickness, and that’s not what a diagnosis is for to accuse me of mental illness, as though Im not handling life as an adult, not give me a hard time about 1 accidental overdose in August, not accuse me of overdose or being at fault for ending up in the hospital, I can respect that anyone who sees me dying as amounting to something relevant Ive done wrong that I could not fix, to say that God does not protect me, no one loves me, no one believes voices, no one think poorly of him, no one supports me, and no one feels sorry for me, and to consider the upsets of others or negative terms not about calling me “loser” on 03/04/25, and prior to almost dying, and again in a new conversation.

Im allowed to give up and not have a solution for bullying voices, and I don’t deserve to be punished or mistreated in what way does anything that happens to me have anything to do with anyone else I don’t know, why would I be called something and end up punching my head after being honest about mistakes disclose personal details, or not bother anyone or complain.

I cant fix everything that is wrong in the world. I didn’t give up on John Cockrell, I didn’t press charges, I didn’t blame him, I didn’t live a life, not give equal attention  and opportunity for people to get to know me express themselves, and get through life supported, it’s not up to me to get hurt or require me to suffer from a condition to bring up his hate website or question my life or what hurts me, I think if Im being called that I don’t have a solution, and John Cockrell’s support of me or everyone on Facebook who loves me, is not good enough to convince someone who doesn’t know me to respect me and there is nothing weak about my composition or anything disappointing of me getting a job with a hate website up and doing my best, and he improved, if he improved then the purpose of just getting this person to stop hurting me was necessary for everyone to move on, in the end there is no police force that can find voices or figure out whos saying what or where it is coming from, and no medical diagnosis, or punishment or court, or form of sobriety or length of time or improvement that prevent a person from calling me that in life, and that’s my loss.

Please respect after 4 years of working hard doing my best this person was never punished, I was able to get through a lot and no one was blamed for anything, there is nothing about me in life that makes me a loser, that hurts my feelings, and by hurting my feelings and punching my head that communicates to voices to not hurt me, Ive had enough, at a limit or stopping point, and begins again a condition that I overcame. In the event someone brings up suicide you call that selfish or giving up or reason to be hard on me, I cant win everytime people are mad at me and hurting me and that’s believed to be my fault, I don’t know what else I can do to make everyone happy and feel represented Im not villainizing anyone, this person had ample opportunity to be helped by me witnessed nice to me, witnessed mean to me, nothing shared good enough to help anyone figure out solution for voices, not his job to watch me suffer, and maybe there is no solution for other people taking their anger out on you, its not my perspective in life that is sick, or my experiences in life not real, Im not lying, I get that no one believes me, and calls me delusional, no one sees him as bad, and no one understands whats the big deal about a hate website, in the end its not my job to get hurt and just recover do my best get hurt again or be blamed or blamed him, that’s not why hes being punished, while battling voices, its my job to be the kind of person who doesn’t get called that this is not something law or life or job or money or communication privacy or privacy or therapy can solve, and I don’t have to keep trying to keep going, Im allowed to rest, Im not okay with accusing me of dying on purpose, Im not okay with calking everything an overdose, Im not okay with being called sick terms, Im not okay with my discussions of bullying voices, Im frustrated to have no solution for bullying voices, Im sorry.