When it’s Serious ….

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When it’s serious what needs to be observed is being alone, focusing on my return to blogging, and my difficulties are not for entertainment or excuse any condition is and has never been the responsibility of someone else to correct or help me with. 
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Please trust that the more serious things get can result in changes to my writing to composure online, that seriousness and the more elevated the pressures become makes it naturally less and less likely for me to talk to others, move forward, or find solution in private communications mistake being given chances in life to improve or taking for granted my own health or what happens to me. 
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I get when statements like I’m doing my best or positive descriptions of others can’t amount to a solution for losses, anything about life beyond my concerns or reflective of the subjects of addiction or recovery or mental health an example of someone who recovered who underwent treatments. 
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Maybe it’s not by my losses or legal education or connections in life to speak to the subject of wrongful death as it relates to OJ, but clearly ever not a case or concern, or allowing myself to make mistakes in life or be accused of not being in the solution to create excuses for others to not care or be insensitive to my story or try to change my story or change me or change what others thinks of me over rely on my positive representations or commentary and use it against me or blame me for a thinking I was open to sharing not created by what’s existing or a reflection of what’s in me you identify as a guilt or more and more true or requiring further or continued communications about until solution is reached question my knowledge of the law or gearing my writing. 
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I did everything that was asked of me if I’m resting or home there is no person in life private or public to mistake my writing as for identification of problems or question solution working for everyone at this time, not about me being wrong or accuse me of overdose or suicide if not courteous to everyone’s feelings and my timing in life stating it’s not okay to be too late questioning once why am I hurt and require so much writing and don’t stay well does not mean I’m hurt everytime I’m well imagining or delusional or creating complication to anyone else’s understanding in life. 
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Trust that the more serious things get isn’t required to isolate me or expect me to just talk to court to deal with everything and have listened taken into account other peoples opinions on solution including my medical care. I’m sorry as the issues and seriousness elevates this makes me focus on my writing need time to think and nothing I expect anyone else to help me with and get that my issues in life are so serious I dont belong most places and get that my safety needs are a direct reflection of whether or not I can be trusted a measure of whether others are in danger don’t take lightly public safety or break down mental health to an easy subject not leading a life that encourages improvement and acceptance. 
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When it’s serious it’s okay if I’m not able to help everyone, it’s okay to accept what’s not accepted, it’s okay on varying levels of success to beyond beneath affected not overcome not belong not allowed to move forward or not survive court to any extremes but I never made life scary or lived a life worrying anyone not doing as I’m told, or not living life as though I can do wrong I think that’s a new subject of distrust and distaste non acceptance negative judgment. 
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All I know is when things get serious my options are to talk in therapy, trust verified accounts, take risk in any communication not look bad or make others look bad, not make things about confusing me is not doing a justice to anyone telling me I don’t make sense is not doing a justice to anyone and the more serious things get this tells me to be alone or be offline not talk to anyone stay home think about who to contact what to say and figure out my own solution for what’s been done to me not make a game out of difficulties to no end let up is not me giving up others but because of court I’m judged harsher. 
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I have to think about how voices separate me what solution is prevented think about all my hard work and moments I tried believed in myself, figure out court really think about why I’m being punished and not allowed to talk to anyone rethink why should I be judged as not good enough or why should I be punished for the actions of another not allow myself to lose everything or not be able to keep up work be accepted can be in public make it to my next court date is about everyone’s happiness. 
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I don’t think I will ever win when it comes to reporting voices and for there to be no solution for bullying or level of seriousness that it stops or things good enough or let myself lose or suffer in life or lie or complain or go through things in life at my expense nothing hard to understand that I’m making anyone else try to comprehend.
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2:22am just messaged him I’m not doing okay on my own took meds I’m supposed to go to bed 8/9pm to not worry him. I guess try to stick to a schedule to help build trust something we are all working on I’m sorry everyone is going through so much and wish I could do more or say more things right than wrong to help make a positive difference in the world.
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Note: I put in a good effort to utilize my ability to blog to be light on interpretations share an interpretation that could be wrong to instead accept help discuss better a subject without mistake or looking bad and speak for a new communication without living at anyone’s expense be given a hard time.
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Need to try harder and not give up. A lot of room to improve and continue to do my best and speak to life in a way that’s open and honest and forgiving not critical helpful timely and do my best to get well so that I can blog and be social.
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written: 03/03/25