Originally Written: 03/03/25

I think the issue being represented right now is how can someone get hurt publicly while in connection to me, and that not be his fault a similar circumstance to when Hestrin a DA’s client/defendant sought to take priority in interest during a time I was in connection and speaking to the person who the journalist were criticizing why at that time was I able to reach out to a writer introduce self be in a place in life where by because of who I am respected as doing well is why heard not to the same token can you be situated worse off in life contact anyone or make requests specific to your feelings or who you are does not mean what’s in jeopardy is my own campaign or present risks to others or lack awareness or ability to address what I’m accused for or in what order I presented in confirmation to what he said not a simple lesson on losing about words or the meaning of words or subject of racism.

Need be addressed by who I was or compare to who I am now after requiring continued difficulty on the subject of Hestrin’s client requiring defaming who I am talking to while I’m connected to OJ who is in jail and he is not required to testify as to why his wife died though something private was disclosed publicly I don’t think Kevin Costner not showing up to the Academy Awards and Miley Cyrus showing up to the Academy Awards after he stated on Fox News why he would not be attending is a casual mistake while in communication with me a matter of what my responsibility is to not take chances or jeopardize people’s sense of reality and public relations to the extent I should be questioned again and again or be punished for fighting Hestrin’s client. 

I don’t think anyone considered the timing of anyone’s death or me being hurt is not the quality of life I’m living to the extent someone else can diagnose me or be confused for someone who is schizophrenic.

I think I’ve always done my best I cant afford constant setback and challenge of my mental health or words scripting or not scripting amounting to words to describing any solution found prior to the timing of me collapsing mean I’m losing or that it’s okay to call me things. If you want to challenge me I am more than prepared to have these conversations in court without making anyone who took me to court feel bad or burdened to discuss what I’m presented with beyond themselves is worth everyone’s care and happy ending at this point to trust the information provided as truth and not make a custom of sending me to the hospital or punishing me or expect me to just take it or expect constant public demonstration or communications outgoing to government 911 or court or by email.

I think ultimately it’s up to me to figure out a diplomatic solution to what I’m going through even if you are calling me out on why the focus on Hestrin’s client and why it’s not okay to hurt anyone I’m with as a member of the Associated Press paid a fee that is not doing anyone a justice to expose to anyone is not for the public’s peace or the public’s right to pick and choose and expose and blame like there’s some predictable series of connections in life or judge the timing of death as contingent on my own health and doing what’s right question my fitness my health my age my life expectancy treatments use of my instagrams is not a failed campaign in my hands or my property better off in the hands of others.

I think I currently have the least money and never required money in 12 years of working hard to earn payment for tuition knowing I’m an addict told my parents to not give me money no cash no debit card so that I could not go out or be able to do drugs so that’s something about me as a person doesn’t mean my strength or sense of comfort or confidence or a knowing if things going to be okay judge my future as not happening or require delay not consider my own strength as a woman and human being who is dealing with serious circumstances not a person trying to outwit not calling 911 or writing to anyone not a matter of what others think something about me.

I’ve not be shy to describe myself as someone who cares what others think. Sometimes based on someone else’s life their help is from their viewpoint a solution I have to accept that my words my my viewpoint are a solution to not be confronted about a song or lawsuit filed by Bruno Mars or a card on my Instagram or photograph taken on a beach run necessary to bring up being at a meeting and someone saying the word Bruno at a meeting I’ve attended many times then be asked speak attending after relapse drinking is not about who I am or make the disappointment or confidences of others about who I am in a room is not to take lightly Miley Cyrus among the few who attended the Academy Awards, and not scared to tell Whoopi Goldberg I am a princess and tell Oprah I am special no matter what book I’m reading or who you are networked with no matter what details in the past were provided no matter how I am treated no matter what anyone’s views on love or sex is about or sense of pride am confident enough to make it about me because it’s being so clearly orchestrated to accuse me of saying something racist when all I’m contesting is a lawsuit -which mental health diversion has been granted requiring several types of treatments to get letters written for me not ashamed to state that I can work hard to extremes and for that to not impress anyone or be good enough for court by todays standards. 

Based on an overall assessment of life and losses is not for me to be used to read and focus on others is hurtful not the solution but to read and focus on my own words is the solution to not pick apart of create systems of bringing down trashing or bring up my reputation does matter and what’s said in AA and who I meet is not fit public discussion and their confidences are not for attack and I’m not to be used as sensitive or require constant excuse or judgment examination and testing of who I am in spite of what’s happening not afraid to have the conversation again that in spite of what leadership was speculated.

It’s not okay to see my good work undermine Shorty Awards or require trashing me for an inappropriate social adjustment not deserved and no disrespect paid to anyone I’ve spoken to is about me because I am making it about me.

I am making it about me not because it is bothering me but because it is required of me I am making it about me because of what I’ve said wrong and who’s deaths were not observed as affecting me am not someone who needs to be told by court or anyone how life works or question the vitality of my own life or system of staying alive as required documenting everything is a place whether hacked or under any circumstance is no place I’m hiding or in place of speaking in public someone who can afford mistakes. 

I did my best to address losses without help and support from anyone including a lawsuit and it’s unfortunate to not be credited for my analysis use my writing against me view my wellness an unearned or not in reflection of what I’ve done wrong my Dad gave me permission to get a job, I messaged Attorney Shapiro and he represented OJ, it’s my correspondence with SCOTUS and their deaths I’m affected by and have an equal interest in living a life that doesn’t shame me as being unnecessary or unimportant. 

I’m sorry that in lieu of everything I’ve done on my own to help others, the subject is stuck on mistakes and connection to me regardless of punishment not a subject I should be held to of all people or circumstances am not stupid or mentally ill or schizophrenic not dating not married not having kids working in going back to work, it’s not okay to suffer from voices after only seeing a season for free on TV on Yellowstone before I even worked up the courage to continuous blog described getting voices while talking to him after the hospital not worth overdose or suicide be shot in the face in a conversation talking to someone who left a show in one few episodes I saw not be the focus on what’s gone wrong is not my fault or the system vision of my medical records from the hospital is not permission to blame me or accuse me of overdose or use voices to call as overdose is not my fault is not the government required calling 911 a few times to report voices and take down posts I don’t think I should be punished for what I sound like.

Im not asking for forgiveness or going to just forget life like everything is okay or just get sick like that’a more helpful to just let people ignore me or not read then it’s none of my business what others think of the fixation is on his website those are not things wrong with me those are not things I’ve done wrong my sexual preferences have remained the same I can’t afford to take chances or take risks qualifying myself on many levels with an ability to write to SCOTUS without getting in trouble is a system that worked for me which I was being told to not do or made fun of for how I was or what I was going through.

So there is no light way of everything being okay if you are going to see his words as true can’t accept me saying wrongfully accused then those are the terms I need to defend myself against.

If a name is brought up that’s something I can call Attorney about who responded like I did to a mass shooting in Colorado before fires happened, again is my story no one is God trying to bring people together if I defined distaste in a tweet later interpreted as morality I’m assuming that one thinks it’s immoral for me to contact a celebrity I don’t know but respect but have connections in common to communicated to, not let a basis be unclear or any court predetermined who’s to be hurt or confirm who is doing the hurting.

I think if you are defending a hate website nothing in 4 years was good enough no explanation or concerns shared good enough as to a loss no number of 911 calls or neighbor complaints good enough to tell you who’s winning in life or what the public’s peace is it’s not me breaking boundaries going against what’s cool or gambling with a breaking point in others to which all suffering is viewed as dependent on a team solution dirty my hands or not in court disconnected not taking to anyone beginning today.

I can accept his punishment is his job to explain and it’s my job to not be punished continue to be open to distrust not steal a website that represents me or criticize my commentary or ability to connect to with my audience after stats were shared 50/50 or more men.

All my photos are covered whether you believe it or not but that’s not how respect is achieved or belonging among a trend of music or class of women who can be trusted sexually to the same token I am not practicing sex or feeling good off anyone I’m not lying to anyone changing adjusting or have sex problems. I think the problem with me is what he has said to make me look small or my family feel small who’s attitude is being judged is who loved me and viewing me as detached or not someone who can be relied on to behave proper and be in public not require constant viewing have trust issues.

I think the trust issues are with me by no demonstration or quality of writing career placement or discussion or diagnosis can we confirm a solution is doing taking me offline off meds losing property or going by his words or judging life as taking on the direction of someone hurting me overcame and 4 years later expect me to just overcome or question a report. If life could make everyone happy I could get hurt no one punished I can recover everyone is given an equal opportunity to know me or study my writing not be disqualified or require constant hardship as though court is for everyone except me.

I can’t change what people think court is for but it’s not to beat me up make other people boss ignore me make me not a priority. Is good reason to stay home not something I’m trying to win in life prevent an easy solution.

If you choose to ignore not care believe be affected be insulted by how I’m hurt it’s not my job to make things go away for people by disabling me and putting me to sleep. I spent many years working hard to get a job, I don’t look stupid I’m not the joke I don’t make people feel stupid I’m protective I’m spiritual it’s okay to say because I blog, lives depend on me.

It’s okay to not believe my photos or not want anyone to believe in me but it’s not okay to hurt me to change my face or expression to something that resembles guilt in poor reflection of race consider me avoidant of tit for tat.

I’m not asking for anyone to understand me I don’t need voices to tell me my life isn’t going to work out and to stop trying and everytime I get well be made fun of put under different pressures in life be on my last leg.

Don’t be disappointed by my fight in public or dysfunction or difficulty I need no excuses no life experience is story or email to expose to judge my competency or attitude in life as disorganized like I can’t find a solution to my own problems in life through writing talk things through as though I don’t know my own story or my own version of code not changing or deleting anything don’t deserve to be judged as watched if these are confirmations of what you think I’ve done wrong then as I’ve said before allowing for my interpretation of reality as reflecting moments in life I am presently being judged for this is both an opportunity to share what I know in public to view my perception as guilt without giving me an opportunity to share what I’ve said in acceptance for solution found by their representation of issues, person protected Kevin Costner person confronted Leslie Fischman, awards ceremony used for confrontation The Academy Awards, conversation private or circumstance or instagram or term addressed in error is what you think I’ve said in error, lack of opportunity to write to court and discuss in person my interpretations without a harm to me (win or loss) is either telling me what I’ve done wrong, require confirmation of me having done something wrong, require a pattern of men’s health not being represented by me, using a strategy of intimidation to vocalize addressing Hestrins client/defendant again, not giving me opportunity to talk to DA Hestrin, is about figuring out what I’ve done wrong is not for anyone to tell me what I’ve done wrong or in public or by private communication call me stupid or a life in common to a loss blame me as a person who cannot be trusted or sustain life a giver or producer or life advice that works.

Bring up what brought me down in life as satire public at the Academy Awards address race and my Instagram loss, and preference stated in such a way requiring me to speak and it being no one’s fault how life is represented and not my choice to be given a hard time no one can help me no attorney can advise me no therapist or psychiatrist or manner of correspondence can correct a problem with me or disapproval or highlight or address Kevin Costner or their attire a reflection of who I am as a person question my appropriateness likability sense of things being well or okay or stupid a power given away or too stupid to make anyone feel good not something I’m taking lightly anyone’s health or loss.

I can’t change how I’m viewed life will always be something to someone some way that communicates to people in many ways representative of what is and that’s okay and maybe the lesson is until things are right and losses are accounted for can people find comfort in feeling protected and be trusting of those who with acceptance or privilege can move forward in life and if I need to keep trying to keep disconnecting I can call 911 to announce that like I did before the California Wildfires am not someone dishonest or living guilty or having issues fail to represent my own audience or populations of people. And if my description makes me look guilty because this is who I am and that’s what I saw then I can accept that presentation as non acceptance for my story a collaboration to confront a later statement to Academy Awards beginning where I am, and up to me to write and publish books or get a job, and I need to be alone that’s okay isolation and more socialization was something I was working on in sober living.

I can’t change how a person sees me a stupid or wrong I can’t fix my life if everything is taken from me or things are done to me to generate a writing to say something I am falsely judged as not representing my own kind.

If that is continued preference for others but not me I can’t become more beautiful or more alive or more important or more hardworking I don’t have to share personal details and get hurt or make anyone look or feel stupid these are not mistakes you observe life and channel people types you just destroy at your leisure bring up money or how I lived 12 years of life (2013-2025) question the legitimacy of why I am alive or what’s keeping me alive and that’s okay to scare me tell me I’m going to jail and for me to have responded in writing proper to court should not be expected to not listen or bring up race or grow accustomed to no one helping me and ignoring me being their solution then I don’t need anyone’s help if nothings good enough no one talks to me I’m pushed forced to work harder than everyone else, not good enough, I don’t have to accept what he did let that end my life, I’m not alive for that kind of disrespect I don’t threaten others I’m not in anyone’s life everyone is doing fine as far as I’m concerned I am well even though no one else has been through what I went through and that’s okay I can stay home.