The solution for right now is to accept my difficulties in life, punishments, challenges, and not rush through my 12 steps I know I’m a good person and have not hurt anyone. I know based on collapsing to stay sober, it’s okay to be taken off adderrall or vyvanse and offered no alternative Ritalin and can accept because of court this is what’s being recommended to me by the psychiatrists I’ve seen. I only have one story my own to describe to each doctor in detail and it’s up to them at this point what meds to prescribe me, at a point I’m willing to accept had I not pushed myself to write for 5 days, had I slept, and not been prescribed a med that requires trust and discipline to be used, as a result of my health failing that’s something that scared me is something I continue to be punished for and forced to keep recognizing my own health or near death experience as not anything that anyone wants and to accept the complications in life following hospitalization. Including changes in medical care when I’m reminded if I cannot be helped, do my best to be honest informal doctors of what was said in the hospital, and share my medical records of a private experience taking time to recover not get hurt again, therefore I gave all medical care opportunity to not be blamed and see a copy of what happened in the hospital and did my best to be a good patient not let my medical care take personally or accept blame either be recognized as doing their best. In the end it’s been no one’s fault I can accept how collapsing is viewed as my fault or viewed as an overdose and can accept that working hard writing was mistaken or battling voices was mistaken as to my honesty sobriety and recovery. Right now is a good time to be honest going through a lot but also not burden anyone to help me accept that with my truth or information these are decisions being made for me, am willing to describe to court my issues and what I’m going through prior to collapsing I don’t think not showing him those medical records I didn’t know I had found them much later after submitting a request was me being helpful however anyone else gets told to not prescribe me that’s not the upsetting part of losing a privilege with disability. If it means everyones peace to take meds away then that’s their peace and I still have to do my part to stay well stay sober move forward in life survive court in all my colors stripes stars based on who I am and as stated in private am not someone creating difficulty for others in life or require constant communication from me to make things way I don’t think I’m anyone making anything hard to understand a person of my word. I can accept I’ve been through too much and know my own limits and get to move on get over subjects not get hurt or punished and also to accept my own innocence not give permission or make it okay for anyone to hurt me be on my best behavior stay home focus on myself and my health in this critical period in life not let anyone down. Everyone’s been through a lot there’s no better person to handle a difficult subject other than a professional who you trust, can confide in and are not hurt by and I’m lucky to be trusted with hardworking professionals who have helped me in phases in life improve, be pushed, accept what’s wrong with me, and keep doing my best although I’m not a therapist, psychiatrist, internist, or mental health professional, sponsor, or sober coach. The solution for right now is to improve my health deescalate serious issues ask that the public to accept emails to SCOTUS NYDA and my Attorney at this time along with public discussion led by me for starters. I can go back to AA right now I don’t want to affect vulnerable populations or be accused of relapse or call collapsing an overdose with a low heart rate and being tired. And do my best to be in a place by next month and can work help support others, be clear of voices and issues negative towards me, at some point in time have a story on sobriety I’m comfortable sharing with everyone but right now I’m focused on court and who I am being able to get job not getting hurt not be blamed not be accused not misread my 12 steps I shared get hurt accused of being hurtful is not the solution I have a good life have worked hard to not be treated poorly by anyone or the courts.