I wouldn’t say I’m the most submissive to treatment and recovery but eventually I did it and decided to get help despite living at home and preferring the privacy of my own treatment team and not having to go to group therapy. There’s been up and downs getting acclimated to everyone’s temperament and issues but think I’m doing a good job of being me and being respectful of everyone’s journeys even if my own is not respected or sense of peace aggravated by having to open up and share about disability and what I went through. It’s not the kind of stuff that brings you closer it just makes people feel they have the upper edge on you or more ability do a better job of not being a doormat and set boundaries in terms of what I’m willing to put up with interruptions and preferences and all.

I look forward to moving home in a month and going back to LA. I’ve learned a lot in treatments, the fights …. the drama it’s all a learning lesson not everyone will get along and comfortable in each others spaces in life but hopefully they group us proper and continue to give us an outlet to share in private, look forward to therapy tomorrow.

Today I was put in a BIPOC group it’s for minority patients people of color, I feel good to be recognized and that as an issue I’m not ignored or stuff happening outside of treatment not ignored either as issues affecting us within. I just hope to get through it in one piece. Didn’t really feel comfortable disclosing so much but hopefully it helps describing lineage and stuff and who I know or how I grew up or who I’m proud of and how far I’ve come, everyone has this issues. I know I was not comfortable talking about the war in Israel it just made me feel unprepared but mentioned the anti semitism has just made me more quiet and to myself than usual want to be able to be myself and mentioned using a pen name online to not being identified as Jewish or be discriminated or judged due to the war. Nor was I prepared for discussing other treatment centers not allowing us to watch the news and mentioning not watching TV here in treatment for 4 months but listen to Fox News podcasts everyday so I stay in touch with everything and listen to other news outlets too.

Weird day, left early and worked on an individual assignment just wanted to go home and rest I’ve not seen family (will be) in 4 months that’s so long! Yesterday was a good day I led a meeting by chance lucky someone there to give us the supplies and we ran the meeting ourselves I was asked to lead last time but declined. So was proud of me for stepping up to leadership yesterday.

Not sure what’s going on but doing my best as always. The day before the school shooting was talking to the DA about gun violence prevention so it was on my mind but did not anticipate that it was going to happen the next day, just means to stay prepared no matter what season of the year it is. Stay true to my campaign (since 2013) and really stay focused even if it’s a bad day in treatment no matter what the politics are socially or celebrity wise or controversy over fan mail or who I talk to. I can talk to who I’m allowed to talk to and will do so when necessary …. not everyday …. when there is something important to say I say it.

90 Days sober tomorrow! 🙌