Where is Up? …

snowy mountain

Originally Posted 04-20-21

I don’t know if everyone had the opportunity to watch MSNBC today, to hear the verdict and discussions afterward. One of which, our question was answered: What is prevention?

  • We were told today enough is enough.
  • To acknowledge and lift one another.
  • Be well, be accountable, pass laws, and train.
  • We were told accountability means more than words.
  • And we were told to never give up on hope and change. 

What do the following points mean to me?

At a time like this, is hard to get going, and even if you feel like stopping, its always okay to pause, reflect, and ask for help if needed, even if you cant get everything done, on your own list of things to improve upon. Everyone has a different system for staying well, my system is: taking meds, staying home at night, not drive in circles, keep my room organized, keep my computer organized, write everyday, journal if I can through the tough stuff, keep in touch with people via messenger or email, and be someone who is easy to care for, tolerable to be around.

In the past I have attended AA meetings, with ease, Ive never been to an AA meeting, after this much trauma in life, but I suppose nows not a good time to isolate, I have the option to attend zoom meetings, just not to talk about anything addiction related, and I think that what you are in avoidance of eventually becomes a problem for you later, if you are not expecting for it to happen again to you in life, it happens, that’s just how life is, if you talk about your past, its not a justification for overcoming a problem, it will always be a ticket away from you in life, a ticket for someone to not be on your side, or a ticket for anyone to hold reservations as to your health. No one wants to be at fault if you get sick, so this is not me being meaningful on purpose, this is me responding to costuming, which I would never expect to be interpreted as a direct hit on my ability to speak freely or what about, Ive never been one to not report, or to hold a grudge, and I think because I wanted to volunteer for the LAPD, and have run every major concern past them in life, that eventually once found to be on the wrong team in life attacked, as though the basis for wanting to be a volunteer, meant for anything like this to happen. I can understand the politics of caring, and it will be by who you know, others don’t. 

You can live a thousand dreams, and make no steps forward, that’s called fantasizing about your potential, so what to do in the event that you cant imagine a way forward: learn. This is why school has been so important to me, it gives you something to focus on, other than yourself, or anyone you are vying for attentions from, and this is how you get strong, in the event that you are made to feel lost, for any reason, why continuing your education, is not just something for the well to do, wealthy, or intelligent, its available for everyone: such as Coursera. That’s not killing time, wasting time, or being stupid, that’s making sure you stay smart, and continue to learn about the many ways to think about life, beyond your experiences in life, which sometimes might not tell you much about your own self-worth, or anyone else who maybe hasn’t studied as hard as you, been tested as hard as you, or have to push themselves as hard as you, through disability and back, hospitalization to recovery, some don’t make it back, and many die due to drugs and alcohol, or misinformation for that matter, lack of success, and Ive never wanted to be one of them. So if lifes not working for you, work for it, try hard, and never give up. Life doesn’t happen thinking about it, it happens when you are in motion, doing things for yourself in life, that others cannot do for you, and that includes learning, rehabilitation, reporting, behavioral health issues, thinking, and moderation. Don’t ever feel rushed, I feel like that’s a constant theme for proving guilt, scaring you, rushing you, not being nice to you, shouting at you, accusing you of things, and this is how you go haywire, it stops you from thinking how you were, so that you remember what is said, and that’s what throws you off, so when you regain consciousness of your life as is, don’t end up places you are told in life, that’s not how to improve upon yourself, taking threats to heart or committing suicide. Which is why I went to the ER, if there is nothing left of me, that simply means that Im not willing to continue loving someone, or be the person I was with them, past being hurt. And that doesn’t make me a strong woman, that makes me a wise woman, not to die, by threat of force to my brain, body, personality, reputation, integrity, or be harmed in the process of others coming to know them, by looking at me, or hearing what they have to say reading all my work, to see whats impressed upon me, sounded through me, or read from them watching me. 

How to lift others? I think if you don’t know how to lift yourself, you become a disappointment, or a downer, an excuse for blame, or source for hate, and that is not what was prompted by me based on a previous experience, it just means that Im not a Kardashian, so in the event that I appear to have supported others through their difficulties in life, being on their own, stay stable and be successful, that doesn’t mean that I represent them, The Simpson Family, and that’s how you being someone who grew up close to a family, get treated as an opportunist blogger. I think if I responded once well to a crowd, I think I know them, well enough to not be sided on.

Being well to me means being out and about, not scared to live life, and its based on those odds in life, that I know whether to move forward, stay home, or get help. That’s having a green milkshake thrown at your windshield driving on Wilshire in front of a Temple, a white bmw x3. That’s spread across my windshield, sticky green, a Whole Foods shake, I was driving circles at the time, after Whitney Houston passed, the first circle, around the block February 11, 2012, there was a news van already there, thinking, what to do in the event that those who are gifted and suffering from addictions, what will help. And so I decided to participate on Twitter. -I already texted Julia Roberts and told her I would not let her down, one text. I saw the new Richard Gear movie at the mall before it closed down, after I bought shirts for AFM working in film, she told me to buy blue button up shirts. I was prepared. Ticket switched, given to the engineer, paid in my name, put his name on my ticket, and lost $900 cash, Im assuming because the Youtube video take downs were not successful, and I was emailed not threatened, how my presence was viewed as the cause, I don’t think I was controversial yet, having been sued, but wrote a long letter to the court with her, on a folder, and did not submit what I had to say. And that’s when I took down the Shorty Award nomination too, I figured to move on in that way. Without mentioning the past, somehow that later became ammunition, for threatening suit. 

So if it means more than words, then attending AA meetings again will be the solution, learn to simplify my problems, not be made to tell all, like that’s going to help, I don’t have anything to hide. There will be some who respond in the positive to you in life, and some who respond in the negative to you in life, based upon their expectations of you, because of what they think of you, based on where you live, what jobs you hold, the friends you’ve had in life, or who you’ve dated. You cant be in 5 places at once spiritually, you can only at best focus on one person at a time, to me that is the best way to make someone feel special, unfortunately anyone who I have focused on 2017 to 2021, complains, and that’s probably because I don’t stay well, get sick on my own, which is not their fault, but also they should not be noted for or blamed for.

So never give up? Ive written about #stopsuicide once. Here is what I said: 

Motion for World Peace

Volume #2


Submitted To: The US Supreme Court

By: Leslie A. Fischman

Re: Mental Health Issues – Personal

Suicide is not the correct to any amount of pressures to prove oneself or others wrong in life, there is no burden more trying than overcoming the false belief that something that has not been done cannot be done. It takes a strong belief in oneself, and a high degree of care and attention to detail, to overcome whatever battles cannot been seen, to which you are affected by. Some things you cannot rise above in life, that includes loss of esteem, loss of confidence, and depression, all conditions leading to a bipolar condition, is the responsible holder of a condition, to better themselves, and not be blamed for the conditions of those around them as contagious via association, that’s not mental health, that passing negative judgments upon those who are not well, and not being understanding nor recognizing the adversities they face. Behavioral health issues and tantrums are a clear manifestation of unhappiness, either unhappiness as expressed to one by another, or an unhappiness within oneself, felt as though they are not where they want to be in life, or achieving the level of success of reaching the aptitude of intelligence they think is deserving of the good time spent toward their studies, career, and relationships which fail to blossom. Reasons for mental illness are protected by our right to privacy and HIPAA, whenever someone shares their lives, that is never for the purposes of studying of their lives, nor okays the going through or investigating the illnesses claimed by someone, who is not yet trusted or believed to bearing the diagnosis diagnosed, that’s not believing in someone not because one thinks they do not deserve to be treated lightly, but that they feel this person does not deserve forgiveness, for some hanious reason as flyers, or blogging on Twitter 2012, whatever correlates to those who are well known, well liked, is easily displaced upon those who are not well known or at the time well liked by strangers as known, its your beginning condition upon entry to any social setting that leave a first impression, the point at which that first impression was made, is only known to those observing, and the number of people observing and affected by a poor representation of someones wellness, is none of the business of the person to whom issues around them are being diagnosed without them, but those diagnosing issues, benefit from knowing someone who is not yet aware of the negative opinions held about them. From which points are informations most likely to be disseminated from, from people that know you, not necessarily those who are close to you, or have access beyond just conversations with you to know you, god forbid go through your personal spaces in life, to figure out whether or not to trust you, how capable you are of completing tasks on your own, and whether deserving of credits for your own hard work and effort put toward achieving in life, is thinking beyond whats most important right now moving forward, don’t harp on the past could’ve should’ve would’ve, who is to blame for feeling drained and for what reason one was drained, but whenever any set of informations created are mass produced and shared, a loss of identity occurs, what seems arbitrary at the time, to share notes, has devastating consequences to the creator, as they are connected physically to those documents, which have been disseminated behind their backs to more than those to whom receipt was approved of, or even made known. A lot goes on without in life, that is just something you have to accept, its your exposures in life, and knowledge that is being reviewed to see whether you make decisions based off things you read, or whether you know the difference between wrong and right (I just threw up in my hand). 


Im sorry if I was not the role model that everyone needed at the time of George Floyd’s passing, I think that everyone deserved a better explanation, of the causes for anyone zoning off course, from their projected plans in life: marriage, job, family. I think he did an excellent job of representing the values that we hold dear, overcoming a record, and having a child. What more can you ask of someone, who is able to find someone to love him and give him a child. That’s faith. Had I known the issues associated with victim blaming, I would not have dated someone who later identified as married, I think that means that you will not be liked in the future, Im assuming that most mistresses or women outside of relationships are not law students, or bloggers, so never be that other woman to anyone in life, that they are made to be inspired by, it could do the exact opposite, leave anyone fanning you, made to feel lost, or like I explained as possibility, be misidentified as high, that’s being a warm person, they think youre more well than you are, stronger than you deserve to be, or representing a team in life attached to OJ. So that’s not his fault, that he didn’t score perfectly, if the cars not on help him home, on Wilshire, if I was not well or could not drive, was given a ride home instead, that occurs if anyone is wandering, or seems broke, or lost, means that they are not doing well, that doesn’t mean that its their fault, or should be the basis for attack, the name of the store stands out to me. It will always be by a story you later share, that it gets made to believe that was known about you, treat you as being known, or being use for code, before supporting Brady, I think that’s a misuse. I don’t know how long the store has been there for just saw the store name “cup” and recently made a joke on my Instagram referring to the Cup a Noodles I had in Boracay (food poisoning) with the @CIA hashtagged to it, that was without knowledge of the location of the arrest. Where he died. 

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