They say that through sobriety you change, and although you wont notice in the immediate others will, and that’s part of the beauty of changing, or losing weight for example. The main goal is to stick to it, even on hard days, or if you feel like everything’s going to be reversed on you, it’s hard to believe the life you are able to create for yourself once you start dealing with your problems in life, you become less ruled by negatives, news, conspiracy theories, opinions, rumors, gossip, and you learn to focus more on the task at hand. Instead think what needs to get done in order for you to feel more like you again, and a little less about all the other things in life, interfering with your focus. When you put on the blockers, put on the blindes, and all you see is you, that cuts your fear in half, your worry in half, and your paranoia in half, what really is? Life can seem that way sometimes, hellish, out of control, or in setback, sad, pain, agony, suffering, like a pain your can’t fix, but your mind is stronger than that, and your doctors are stronger than what your mind is convincing you of, no end, there is always an end to suffering, you have to believe in yourself, if you want to get out of those places in life. 

That’s life, you have to learn to manage you, and also what life throws your way, whether that’s friendship, or romance, attraction, fighting, forgiving, dilemma, conflict of interest, excitement, sadness, you name it, you’re human so you are allowed to feel all those feelings in life, and still get to be you, you’re happy self, the one who is grateful for the life that they have and the opportunities that are afforded to them in life. 

In sobriety I have made many friends, mostly through the AA program and women’s meetings, people who I am acquainted with, who are excited to see you, who you can chat with quickly, and who recognize that you are in a different place once you get well. For example, my other home group, I started attending 2017 that’s when I first started working on this new life called sobriety, I was never a big drinker, drank on occasion, and never at dinner, and only in college at 21. So … that quickly didn’t last, the night life, its good for some, and some fail, and I was one of those who failed with the boyfriend nightlife routine, and also casual dating, it made me go absolutely nuts, no one ever explained to me sex only relationships, I just learned this 2021, talking to someone I was hooking up with, it’s not even called “dating” or a “boyfriend.” I wasn’t sure whether to be insulted, or just accept a boundary, I guess that’s just life, how it goes. Some things you learn the hard way, as though you’ve asked for things in life, given boundaries, but I haven’t even asked for that much in life, and okay with how things are. 

What Im learning 2022, is to no longer use mental health issues and meds as an excuse for not living life, or not working, I worked this year as full time as possible and with pay. That’s a huge step in the right direction for me, and interviewing again for jobs, find a new placement, keep going in life, Im not sure what happened at the last job, but someone got shot at the gas station I go to, so I got a little hurt in the head, and wanted to stay home about it. 

So I’ve gotten through the impossible parts, and now Im at the point in life, where I want to start doing things, attending functions, show up, show my face, meet people, talk to friends, that took me a long time, to get through whatever it was that I was going through personally, in the thinking department. I think my best moments were online through blogging, I tried to record everything as I went, and Im glad to have finally witnessed some improvement, but that doesn’t mean that things cant still not work out or go haywire again. 

Relationships, you are recommended to not date in the first year of sobriety its been 9 years since Ive dated, so Im looking forward to seeing my new “friend” in life, (ex-boyfriend), and take things slow, not sure how things will end up for me, but enjoying his company for now. I had difficulty transitioning from a loving relationship to #toddspitzer (check-ins) through messenger, to talking to my new “friend” but since he doesn’t like texting, I didn’t have to change much, which Im thankful for, and still able to be there for other friends, who need to talk, need support. However too much socialization, my head freezes, that’s just me, I can only handle things in small doses, best one-on-one. 

Im the kind of person when things aren’t going well hard to approach, Im just as scared in my own shoes as anyone would be scared to ask me what’s wrong do you need to talk, this was before mental health awareness month and mental health day, the times have changed in a really positive way, even some jobs allow for mental health days, like my job at the magazine writing, that was very thoughtful of them. So now Im in a place where people acknowledge me, walking down the hallway or in the elevator spoken to, or texted by my Ex to hang out, or someone making an Amends to me I haven’t seen in a few years, and being hit on by someone in my neighborhood, I feel apart of life again, I feel like Im having a life again, my life was composed of only blogging for so long, the writing part, still need to work on the web development aspect of blogging, which I didn’t have time to continue learning. 

So don’t be threatened by people who have it going on, I think we all got cut loose in life, during COVID, to ourselves, and now we are back in the arena of life building and making a life for ourselves, and it’s kind of like sobriety, when life stops and you are just using or drinking, and the days fly by without getting much done procrastinating, it happens, so just like recovering from COVID, there will be a learning curve that you have to adjust your settings to, everyone becoming more lively again, things being less scary overtime, learning to talk and hold conversations in a positive way, not complain so much or be scared of getting sick all the time, and handling life with what you’ve got, less money, more money, job, no job, friends, no friends, boyfriend, no boyfriend, hook up, no hook ups, success, no success. 

Know that in the heart of hearts of everyone is a “movement” maybe not everyone is on board for the same reasons to help make positive changes occur, but that doesn’t mean stop caring, or care less, or become distant to basic social graces. Its how you carry yourself you are treated in life, so if you are ever worried if its about looks or clothes, or demeanor, or face features, it’s not, Im a different size every month, my face looks different from week to week, and I keep moving forward for some reason, I keep being given chances in life, that’s how life should be with everything within reach, that if you put the effort into your day and into your relationships that things will become easy again not hard, that’s how life should be, enjoyed, happy, thoughtful, calm, at ease, not on eggshells, fearful of every interaction or what others think. Know that everyone has your best interests at heart, my following, my IMDb, or Alexa Rank, it’s the audience they are tapping into, what is liked about me, what is being maintained by me, and what there is to work from or to identify in that audience that can be developed. There aren’t many bloggers online who are blogging about life in a way that is connected to entertainment or celebrity, so I was hoping to offer some insight into a “lifestyle” where they are around but you have your own life, to illustrate that people are people, sometimes no different, and go through the same steps in life to recover from whats ailing them. So although my #dontdodrugs page was an idea pitched to the AA Office, I was told that I can blog but that it would be considered a non-AA meeting, which means that what I have to discuss will not be limited to sobriety language or mental health language, and in a language that Im most comfortable with, given the size of my audience, and the potential for growth, what do I feel comfortable with being online in a permanent way blogging, that I can’t remove or can’t take down, so it would be talking about things that Im comfortable with and allow for as part of sharing my story, or coming forward about an interest, or delusion, or difficulty.

Like everyone it takes time to realize and recognize what is bothering you or what youre having difficulty with, never assume that anyone above you is trying to manipulate you to think anything about yourself or others, you can always be in control of what you think, you can always share a comment, be proactive, join a club, do volunteer work, or meet others in the community who similarly want to reinforce the exchange of ideas and outlooks from different backgrounds, including mine, or others on Instagram sharing their lives with everyone, that’s more helpful than it is not. Don’t compare yourself to how others share their story in life, or how much they are able to share about themselves I’m someone who keeps most of my pictures to myself and does not put pictures online. That’s just me not wanting to be meditated on and read as a person, in an obsessive poignant way, take up memorable space, with photos of myself, since this is a sensitive story and one that was highlighted in the news, apart of.