Im not suicidal but Im in a lot of pain, not handling bullying well, I was well for an audition then I got pressure then didnt perform animated, so thats not God telling me not to be an actress the role is not inappropriate its suited for my body type and think that I deserve to light up and be animated in a professional way for a career that would appreciate to see me well, unfortunately as a blogger and based on sex issues, I dont think its appropriate as obese or with “schzophrenia” and face dysmorphia to come across as gay soliciting for attentions from women like Im some kind of bad influence, why Im losing 60 lbs and prefer to date in real life now, only when Im doing well, pick one. Based on what type of pressure I can handle I think Im just getting stable and marriage and baby is too challenging when people have diagnosed you as permanently mentally ill then that relationship will not work out, when youre treated as having a secret life of talking to yourself, or running everyday, think thats mental illness, or fake inspiration or effort well in life.

The nightmare wont happen so long as I dont let anyones energy intimidate me, as far as Im concerned its a bluff, the more I allow myself to get small or insulted by it, the worse I look like Im small inside, or not as smart as I am online, unimpressive, and life is like that, by look, skin color, health, everyone thinks theyre doctor, and if youre not healthy, treats you as not well enough to be known, hurts, because I mentioned that maybe one reason why I was selected was because they saw a future in me, I dont know how fans know who to pick or focus on, but because I said that my future was destroyed and when trying new things, told I am sick, so that Im made to think that Im sick, so I dont feel good, lose confidence.

Just got a job today, talking to a lady who approached me, helping someone in entertainment, hired on the basis of my knowledge of social media, creating cards, placing ads (took a general assembly course) and general interest in life coaching and she is already a working professional with a career, can help her with website stuff so she can focus on work, it’s a lot of work, but its easy to view, #tech, I actually knew more than I thought I did. And will start epic training for my Mom, day job, working through mental health issues, I think the dating and the crushes on politicians is creating a different energy toward me than Im physically equipped to manage mentally with my diagnosis, and the legal ramifications of threat, has been scary to work under those conditions, where people are upset by you, or dont believe in you, there is really nothing to buy into, Im not the structure to a dynamic thats working for everyone, I acknowledge the other side of things would be to advertise in mention of things in common to me, by negative referencing to make people think that I have a dark side, or bad, or fit the description or have done something or said something to deserve that kind of acknowledgement, so thats the risk in sharing your story, its not a family name or “household” name like a Joaquin Phoenix, but you are only an easy subject so long as you stay well, its in sickness it becomes about what attachments hurt, you can’t always explain for feeling hurt, and it would be wrong to assume that I am being purposefully hurt in a way I am supposed to recognize, I think I do maintain boundaries and dont overreach my abilities in life to help others, I only have energy for things Im able to give attention to, you become limited if hurt, its really no big deal, being open and fun, singing, modeling, or feeling scared, or intimidated, or sick, that doesnt mean self harm or suicide, it could mean burn out or confusion, or losses, and feeling drained, its nothing to be worried about I have always though that suicide becomes an issue upon mention, its then misunderstood as you are in crisis and I think thats hurtful to the mind, for someone to speak well and then for people to think that Im suicidal or give up in life or schizophrenia then it will hurt to think of me, because I dont match the feeling had by people who should not have to change how they feel once they do not like me that I cannot control I also dont need to be affected by not feeling well, thats something outside of my control, when I cannot perform to the standard thats wanted, so that is why or how you get drained focused on, its if people are thinking that, then they dont feel good about you, then you will not feel good, so Im assuming this is about creating a similar excuse for any dislike thought delusional, I have not given up faith, I think it can be corrected not remain a permanent issue of thinking there is something wrong about me to explain for something wrong about anyone else, Im not that close to anyone, Im just a blogger, and the issues dont hit deep until someone is hurt, so if Im not hurt please dont hurt me to explain another persons hurt or make me defend anyone trying to justify hurt, by hurting me to explain hurt and the treat me as offender to create a situation where you say offender suicide hurt and sex, and then convince me to die or convince others that I have harmed them, I was well, because I was well I was made sick, and this is so I dont feel good, because people think that they feel good, and think that I deserve to not feel good or feel like Im dying, when there is a issue with me not being the person I was, and made to suddenly not feel well for any reason, I dont talk about others, what has been done to me just needs to stop, he can take it to court, he doesnt have to message me and threaten me or pretend to be well and talk to me like Im dying or mentally ill, thats really hard to accept that I was nice to someone who then convinced everyone that Im mentally ill, that damage cannot be undone, and the road to public speaking will never be a textbook subject, but I was someone insulted because I did not video record and put ample material online, and was insulted by how I got used to speaking and writing under different conditions. #blogger#blog#mymollydoll

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