Since gun violence things have not been going well for me why I decided to discontinue working did not return after a few weeks rest and did not follow up although was told in the event they have work for me can return. So it’s not the job. It’s the gun violence then how I feel afterward. In that instance in figuring out what could’ve gone wrong without everyone knowing me yet not famous, accounting for who does know me, decided to blog again and gradually got my strength back in the process, in all defeats, mischaracterized as slutty or trashy not loving determined and thoughtful creating videos talking practice public speaking and selfies to monitor my health improve and not know what’s failing when I lose beauty, it’s taken time and meds to figure out what’s causing changes. I’ve since discontinued modeling and videos to focus on my writing and output it doesn’t make sense in distress or insulted to show face that can’t make a difference past people not liking you, you look stupid anyways they don’t like your face and you don’t seem genuine if they think your stupid or have done something stupid sexual mischaracterize you as feeling good by sex and by sex bad things happen I think I’m the kind of person who can’t have sex when I’m not feeling good and takes me a long time to try for it again and I will have had long enough to get to know someone before comfortable sharing look like.

Since 2013, I’ve done nothing but write, on anti-psychotics, lost jobs internships and kept going. There will always be losses and those who give up since I can’t repair what they went through or thought and since I can’t explain the pain pressure silent treatment and rejection of me in the event I feel sick I’m assuming others think I’ve done wrong and want to see if I recognize what is wrong with me all sexuality face body dysmorphia issues aside. And I blogged, in positive spirits creative shared my thoughts on evolution film or music and wrote quotes. When things are difficult and you don’t have experience working and put on meds this disables you to be in bed all day and I would run at night. I made a job for myself working at home and writing to the courts. It’s now clear because OJ was accused of wrongful death people want to know if knowing me sick or well causes death or whether making fun of me causes death or to people in my life, straight forward answer is if I’m in danger or not liked I cannot blog if I look bad or make others look bad then people will direct hate towards me like I’m in likeable or to meet is sad or causes relapses and should know that me existing or known creates a competitive energy I don’t think anyones competitive energy causes me death or them death to be how they want to be in life and neither am I the carrier of a force or bad luck or failure I bring others down or make feel bad or look bad or contemplate life in a way they feel disabled or not good enough too late, this campaign in the one place of mutual understanding people improve by not being me and what drives their interests are all my experiences in life not shared publicly only privately to blame my stories not public anymore as though it makes people apart of something they don’t want to be apart of or connected to someone with no future or a short mind no depth or cannot see predict or prevent create a situation in which people make White Lives Matter jokes, Santa Claus jokes, Stormy jokes, Monica jokes, Breakup jokes, Usher jokes, Cheating jokes, Sex jokes, War jokes, and Hitler jokes as though one is leading in a path for destruction to judge someone who self harms as not loving themselves or because given a hard time punished or confused made to believe they are sick because of what you see wrong with them or based on what someone else has done to them believe them and try to victimize people with another persons vagina make me video photo to appear worthless so I feel shot looked at, like my head is meant to be shocked stupid to sound upset or add pressure and dislike to make my energy strong then wrongfully accuse me of having strong energy around others or influence others to be directed to focus on my energy made unstable to create a belief of sickness coming from me not in who did that to me so he would be protected so I would be blamed and make myself look bad and others.