Addiction is one of those terms that hurts to hear or be made to identify with, but you become what you are, either you cannot help yourself, or you have thrown your life into dysfunction, occurring when doing something that you don’t understand is hurting you, and is causing you to not feel good. Not everything works like drugs told to not do something, do it, develop a dependency on something at your own expense, and wind up not feeling good, so what is the price you pay for your time invested. Later in life you learn that the more well you are is why you are surrounded by people, unaffected by most, and wellness occurring around you, and its upon not doing well, well its not you who needs to be saved, but its you who were doing well, could be relied upon, who has suddenly become dependent, and that’s something people cannot help you with, what causes you instability. You learn later in life, to be independent and stable, and that’s how to not be affected by others, its upon instability that that becomes a feeling that you need to work through on your own, and figure out the causes for that. No one knows your life well enough to tell you what to think about, that’s your job to assess you life as a whole and what is causing you to turn to substances to feel good, and end up not feeling good. That’s the lesson on trying cocaine, a social drug, expensive, small doses, and it doesn’t take a lot to feel good, but if you don’t already have anything to feel bad about, well that’s a dangerous position to be in, where you don’t feel good and don’t know why, that’s a feeling that no one can explain to you, so that’s your first experience, with there being something wrong with you no one can explain to you, and needing to get help, doing something to yourself that has caused you harm, in the future that matters, as to things going well for others, its will be deemed a detriment to the psyche of others for you to not feel good, or to be doing things to feel good, at both your own expense, and at the expense of others who think youre well, or who respected you, and come to view you in a different light, that’s hardship. One you don’t feel good, two lost people can’t help you, and three become distant to those that mattered. It’s a slippery slope addiction, either you bounce back from it, or you take title to all the derogatory and antagonistic and pessimistic viewpoints of what treatment means. For some it means you have fallen into a class of people, who cannot help themselves and need to be helped. It is true many do not recover confidence and self-esteem, it would take a well person to bestow that belief in a person, or else be ruled by that discomforts of others, it seems as though you never know who is in charge around you, until others are and you are not, that’s a good trait to have, wakefulness, or energy, a bad trait, would be sadness, or inability. There is not one way to determine when something is wrong unidentified, it will most likely be based on the overall health and performance of those around you, not all were meant to know everyone and be apart of the hustle and bustle of town, but those were the ones who were strong. It hurts the image of everyone, to be misidentified as someone who has it all, and then has a mental health issue on drugs, or an instability, so what you are doing wrong, is cocaine. It takes a good person to prevent a harm for occurring, that would be a friend, who has never let me down, under not trying or trivial situation or Twitter expose during my first job in Century City, I thought it was fancy and thought a fancy blog would match that quality of placement in life. Then you learn about privacy, once you cannot help, you also cannot be helped, that the cure all, place taken from someone who intends to help, who then is viewed as harmful. Either things go well for others, or if your own advices are not taken, things take a toll on you. So that’s everyone except me protected, would mean only I look stupid, I think 2020 was a situation of everyone including me looked stupid, and that was a feeling that could be felt across the board, not just in my home, and like addiction you never know what you are doing is stupid, until you get hurt by it, and like cocaine, you would never know that taking selfie or videos of yourself would be harmful to your health or the opinions of you, justified or not. So in the event you are ever made to question who you need to prove wrong, put your health first, that’s the surest way to a better life, worry what everything looks like secondly, and make sure everyone around feels informed and safe and certain that you have no intent to gamble away the respects of your own family, let alone a blog, or who you support, or what credentials made in honor to the issues you’ve suffered by, exposed, it would be wrong to hurt on similar merits to illustrate a preventable harm, if it cannot be cured with love or sobriety, book, or blog, photo, or video, then we can now argue attachments detachments, likes in common, friendships, and interactions and to what extent they matter. I think it matters if someone passes, it will forever be reminded in our hearts and in our minds, and we will always want to know and study how things were what things were like publicly and privately and would always want to make things better, more well connected, more supported, with more faith, more trust, more sobriety, less hurt, and clearer identification of issues, that we hope, it would be wrong to assume that any one persons story is so sad that a person with a life would be hurt by a person who has not yet lived life to fullest and explored socially and not yet accomplished academically, there is time for enjoying life, and its when you have worked hard and earn those breaks in life, to chat and have nothing on your mind, and can appreciate others, life become more difficult when you are isolated to issues not of your own making, until it becomes a solitary issue for you to inherit alone, either convinced of, or changed, it will be when you don’t know what is wrong changed, and that’s what makes people snap, its to not conform or it is to react and respond in conformity give up, so don’t give up, and become a lesser version of yourself, and don’t allow the negative judgements or speculations of others convince you that the error is occurring on your path in life, on your path, in your past, or dead center in front of you, if a shame or blame is going to happen in life, then when its time for you to face those functions of life and reactions, then face it head on, that’s nothing to chant or pray about, if its just step work, then its not your job to assume the roles of others functions in life, which would be about acceptance, and bolstering the esteems of others, whats certain is in fact, and there is only so many times facts can be revisted until you run the risk of creating for a shorter version of events to be learned to a mind that has not endured the years of disability or pressures when alone, changed or becoming less than who they are meant to be in life. When a life is lost that affects everyone, it hurts to mention, it hurts to talk about, it hurts to wonder how or why, and it hurts to revisit what your life was life, and to describe a moment in time, as though you are supposed to know what a feeling means, or an ability means or something noticeable described to which you should be held responsible for before something bad happens. If the gift is in knowing then so be it, if the gift is in preventing, then let it happen, if the gift is in protecting, then let one try to protect, if the gift is in getting to a better place in life then lets see life come crashing down on me as I make my way to a better place, and if its not meant to be, then let the hurt happen, is better than a worse case scenario of enableing an unnecessary attachment to genders gender roles and ages of maturity, I think everything hurts at the age of maturity, and everything has the potential to wear us down at the age of smart, so whats a hurt that cannot be revisited, and cannot be fixed or prevented in time. It will be in the time lost addressing a hurt accused of that time is lost living your life, and that’s a harm that you cannot defend and have to work your hardest to prevent, a harm that you cannot see or identify that another has felt in your presence, and that you cannot undo, someone who is harmed by you. There is nothing that can explain for a person who is identified as harmful to people property or their surroundings, its not anything Ive addressed, because I wouldn’t know what caused me to be mentally ill and to not be more aware of my surrounding, vigilant, and maybe that’s the lesson in getting in trouble, that if youre not careful who can be harmed are those closest to you or people who know you, and if you are capable of causing harm to people you know, then that’s a tell tale sign that you are not strong enough to be around others, if you cannot tell when you are harmed, or worse yet, be judged as someone capable of harming others because of who you are, and so respect is lost. Its hard to love people who we don’t feel good by and that’s the lesson in love, either you improve and feel protected, or you don’t feel good enough, and that’s not for any magazine or school to decide what makes you feel good, of value, and make others feel certain about you in the future, this you learn dating, that your relationship is only as good as your future expectancy. So when should these words matter, in law school. Well if you’re not thinking of it then you’re not applying it to things you know, so you wont use your legal education to apply to your own life, or to make decisions for yourself, then why are you in law school if you are not learning to get smarter for your own strength, if it hasn’t hit you yet why you are well, and you don’t have a clear purpose for why you are strong, just be sure not to cause harm to anyone, or be viewed as person capable of causing harm to others, or to anyone you know. This is the lesson in caring for victims, you become them, as an identified target for understanding issues either faced with or made faced with, and that’s Gods hand, either you can speak through those difficulties and a lesson is learned based on the perspective of a victim, or you take it personal, which would mean defensive, and assumed that you take things the wrong way, if treated as something you are not, either way should not matter if you are good, and either way is preventable, with enough support outside of issues, and without identification of people from a persons life to cause death, which was the risk in preventing, not to make special by name and story that would defeat the purpose of people falling sick to early in life, it would mean that writing on twitter was not adderrall addiction, it was an actual interview, and because that could not be explained to me mental health issues and death, I had to experience life for myself to understand how possible or what could have led to a mistreatment or series of experiences in life to cause a person to not be here anymore, and that hurts when people who admired or loved are not protected and who is responsible for maintaining a strong suit in everyone connected to you, to stand out in a way, to which they are recognized as being special, and left alone, does such a condition of being known exist. Whats a force that brings down a family, it will be something that seeks to make known that God or a good feeling does not lie within a person, to say that a person does not have life and strength to protect another life, or is someone misidentified as not having life, or be wrongfully accused of taking a life to have a life, is how someone is punished or tested until they have nothing to see whether they are good or whether by connection, and then again what is sought is prevention, and prevention will be by who is okay by you, who allows you in their home, and in their presence, and the same issue will be what is allowed what is not allowed, and past the point of being harmed, blogging was not allowed. Blogging is not addiction, its you learn enough skills to build a website, then you manage it everyday and check on it, and check your progress, and write for approvals, its not a space where you can expend a tone of energy and expect that things are going to go great, you are responsible for every word, and anything that doesn’t make sense, and coming from my story, spare the time of others to enter a space of thinking about life for themselves, not unless I have a solution for it, but not if I am being used to prove a harm exists, at that point, then it becomes the issue another is faced with. At this point to just reassure everyone, I will not talk about anyone, because its not a poetic safe phase of life where Im figuring out whats wrong with me describing others, I think its more about people being able to be themselves, and to prevent death or pain or suffering, or make anyone feel bad if they were going by another system of respect, and saw me as the disappointment, or eager learner, I think Im tough enough to be nice to everyone, and would never make anyone feel like they are late, or new and strong, or should be anything other than who they are. I think when you can make everything about me, or use me for inference or reference that’s an easier route for those who chose to view me as guilty, and that’s something I cant change about my record, needs expungement, and with that comes risk, of things getting worse, or to be viewed as things being worse than they are or were, and there will always be faith issues, you might be too young to understand what spirituality and prayer is for, but its for the elderly and the wise and the accomplished to not inherit a risk or a harm you have suffered or claimed suffered by your timeline or life choices words or outputs, it will always be how you talk about life, with a negative lens, will want more, and not one will explain to you why that’s of issue and why you reacted or responded to the loss of Navid and Sarah, but let that be a blessing in disguise, for whatever happened to me later in life, is not of issue personal, and take account for my own indecision or choices in life, and how my life was viewed to have been thrown away or purposeless or to feel good, nothing feels good about being lost, insulted, or getting in trouble, and life is hard thereforeward and nothing can explain what put you in that condition mentally and no one is to blame, when you are not well that’s something no one wants to take responsibility for and that more that happens for you in life, sometimes the worse you look, and no person is such a chore to help in life who should have it good in life, other than a person who can learn how to have it good in life through writing, journaling, therapy, and loving again. That not one needs to own that feeling hate, disgust, indifference, insult, those are all tolerable feelings for those who have not suffered at the same extent or through the same lens as me.