Like everyone, in difficult times, no loss goes unnoticed, and only recently its become clearer that there is an unstated belief that people known are the cause, or their deficit, lifestyles, choices, rejections, luck, words, or directions in life. Whats too much. It’s been my experience living at home with two aging parents, to be healthy, live a disciplined life, be present, working hard, and to avoid unnecessary embarrassments in life, those are things that the elderly don’t have time for, people who are not improving, and if they don’t improve are hard to care for or disappoint, this is how taking risks with your reputation and your health can affect others. A heart attack, “The 1900s mark a period of increased interest, study, and understanding of heart disease. In 1915, a group of physicians and social workers formed an organization called the Association for the Prevention and Relief of Heart Disease in New York City.” [1] Why do I bring this up. Because most of the time I hear voices or negativity in life “delusion” and just recently in real life, it’s something I have to figure out that no one can explain to me, what is wrong with others, so naturally sometimes things will be wrong with you, in the event that you don’t recognize what is wrong with others. This is the battle for staying well, to not get stuck on the unnecessary and to improve, the most full lives, are able to compartmentalize their problems well and not waste the time and energy of others. So what could be so draining or dangerous about a blog attached to an anti-gun violence campaign, would be if there was work left to do that was too hard to do, would be leaving a burden with people, who 1 don’t feel well, 2 are scared, and 3 cant fix what is felt is not good enough, and some people don’t have the time to care so passionately when they are directly affected by a problem, especially loss. So I can only relate in that I recently experienced disorganization following the loss of a DJ, I have no experience with celebrity losses, only my own “schizophrenia” unrecognized status of known and expectation, not someone you would expect to be sick. This is how allowing people to help in ways that they can, without having the bear the day to day responsibility of keeping track of everyones feelings and do and do not lists and approvals, is only for those who face a harder audience for acceptance, which is nothing to explain or complain about to those who simply appreciated that everyone was doing well, and finally coming to some understanding of life, and creation of content new, and growing past former dilemmas faced by other startups and writers, when things get serious, know that someone has been there before in any face of not knowing what to do or what to say, most things you want to know more about, feel that way, overwhelming until explained to you, or haring from someone about something your feeling.

So Im just going to guess, Im assuming the losses are amounting to a pattern, that they cannot identify whether related to my condition or pain with schizophrenia. I think I know when Im not well or sick, and privately I may have been in less mature phases, Im not in a fun mood because Im losing my progress, and not saying the right things, and being rejected, and that’s for me to figure out, why the upset, what have I done wrong, and what is too late. I have already contacted godaddy, and the FBI, and the police, no one could help me, so whatever image took hold and was the accepted version of truth, you know if it makes people to feel good that there are people in life, who are underserving of being respected or made special, then maybe that’s the controversy in the film, how could someone like me who spoke well, get hurt, disappoint her whole family, look stupid, and in what way does a behavior or song elicit for reactions that are condemned by others. I only have schizophrenia, so I would only know the different phases of stupid, upset, cranky, positive, clear headed, pain, medication dependent, sobriety, there are only so many different channels of the mind that you can capture, before you wonder what is your fault, and to what extremes. If its okay to say, because I was hurt, and made to look stupid, that is why I am not recognized or minimized as belonging, and that’s how creative works serve to test your spirit, do you see the beauty in reflection, or are you capable of appreciating a version untrue, and to what tests in life, do you make sure not to relive things or have things set in history as being your own fault, or by who you love, protected, eventually those who are perceived to have lost a stamina, found in another, is when everyone has complained and no one is happy, and something went wrong, and let this not be a lesson that until something wrong happens to know, know when to check on how everyone else is doing. This is the problem with isolation, convinced things are worse than they are. Whats a good stopping point, if things are liked, loved, then disappoint, we have to accept that whoever we see as representing those figures and stories in life, are to give us meaning and awareness, that we may try to smooth things over and not make a big deal, but what hurts is what recognized. So ultimately don’t take anything to heart, be reassuring, that no ones name is used in vain, and likewise those who are celebrity, would not wish for any memory be placed undeserved.

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