Life is not a game, not success, not feelings, not people, not identities, not Instagram, not photos, wellness is a condition to respect, it reflects things going well. So what made things go well for me. As I was requesting for placement, overcoming schizophrenia, I shared what I am working on as a job I made for myself with a future employer, as well as any political standing to a story, and who I am, what I represent and who I support. And maybe that was my fault for messaging, I now know that people don’t want to hear from you, they don’t want to know you, they think you being enthusiastic is annoying, they don’t want to hear your story, they don’t want your emails or background information, all they go by in the end are negatives and no matter how you present yourself, seek to situate you worse off until you end up in jail dead, disliked, or in trouble, and now that I see how it is, why should I be compliant (to threats telling me to go to the hospital why am I not allowed to stay home or go through difficulty what does that have to do with anyone life is hard I shouldnt have to know what to say or how to fix things at all times, and who is to say I dont) and allow someone to contact my family and therapist (unthreatened and compliant), only to threaten to charge me with crimes I not guilty of speaking online (based on how I was trashed and by whom and no one helped me), and being who I am. I am a writer, I have not lived life, Im not having fun, Im not self soothing, Im not being inappropriate, and Im not not being loving. I have limits, I have reservations, I have privacy concerns, and I have a life that deserves every bit much of being protected as anyone else. The only reason I was made to look gay or naked, was to disqualify me from consideration to make fun of me as a woman who is rejected to wrongfully accuse me of not deserving love or being bad luck, and that’s how a woman is treated who is honest not to mention in tech. In tech they go through all your things, they channel you, they pretend like you are not you, they wear your face and your material, and try to spook you or scare you to see how you feel if anyone else is you talking to who you love, Todd. And Ive had it with competitions and everyone getting to be special except for me. Then why should I be loving, why should I date, why should I support, why should I commend, why should I compliment, who should I advise, who should I talk to, who can t help me. Clearly this is a game of making people look stupid, like everyones been through more than me, you all have jobs, lives you all are not thrown in jail, you all are not mistreated, and you all are not victimized and shamed bullied, and made disoriented or look difficult in the face, why is that done to me?

Thats so hurtful when you cant talk to the man you love and support online, and your therapist drops you as a patient and gets to talk to him, and doesnt respond to your calls, or tell you what was talked about. Thats so hurtful and traumatizing, to inflict pain and try to make me jealous. Get sick. Why does she deserve to talk to you, and I am not credited for all the positive work I have done to stay well and work with others. Instead you scared me so my energy is strong so that I can’t be loved, is what you did you tried to make me jealous and intense so I get rejected, as offended, and thats what done to me.