I’m not suicidal I was going to IOP (since cancelled), I went to the ER twice, I’m fine I’m not feeling well for no apparent reason and it’s frustrating me that I have to write when I’m not feeling well or to be confused as someone who is sick or doesn’t know why they’re sick why can’t I just rest a few days or take it easy why does life have to be so difficult I haven’t done anything to embarrass anyone had I been someone who didn’t deserve respect I wouldn’t have attended law school and worked so since when am I not accommodations the feelings of others.

So in the end when there is a problem that you cannot solve, or a sickness that will not go away, there are still options. I think the word “suicide” is over-mentioned, perhaps the dilemma with launching two websites with history of hospitalizations, in what way is anything being amplified that we should not be exposed to, well speak until you get sick, you may learn the hard way what life is like if you get sick, or get in trouble, you either live life apart of, or feel defeated and threatened, that’s life, everyone has something on their mind that you don’t, and everyone is at peace and strong by something that they have learned and are proud of, that you have experienced yet, so these are stages in life. I think people who have passed due to suicide matter, I think over-popularizing their deaths to mean that something was insignificant or defective about the decisions or lives of people. It has been my experience that you put yourself into question before anyone else does, you will know something is wrong before anyone else does, what you appear to others or what others feel, is the result, so even if you’re 30 and have mental health issues, don’t be scared about “communication in general” there may be moments lost, hurt, upset, or in difficulty that doesn’t mean give up, or suicide, it only means that you need medical attention, or speak to an able bodied person, who can talk to you, to not convince you that any condition is permanent or things are so far evolved not in favor of you, that you wont make it in life being anyone known or respected, because that will change or be similar or lead back to something about you, that will make people feel bad that apart of them came from a person known in common not known to them. These are basic life skills to being liked, and maybe loved, we don’t always recognize and forget that when we talk about exes, people don’t want to hear it, and no one explains to you why, but I think it’s something about giving power to the ex, and then the current not functioning, it’s about what your life was like, so getting to know people, that’s common to relationships to not inquire, I think as a blogger the standards are very high in terms of keeping accurate records of everything and when working to keep track of what you do each day, that takes wellness. So if its ever unclear when I stopped working hard at home and keeping track of everything, it was because I was given a mental health issue, and punishment, that made it difficult for me to apply for jobs work, feel good about myself, or talk to anyone, it made me not talk to anyone, not confident enough to get a paid job, and embarrassed me. I think the lesson is that although you mean well and that you have energy and think things look good and think that everything is okay, you wont recognize the permanency of knowing people in life, until there is ever a bad experience to question your own life, who can explain that, I don’t think anyone needs to know that much about people, to be sure about people, but it is that way, and in my experience when Im close to people, somehow I get sick, so although people a better by wellness, for some reason my love gets lost, so Im not sure how that happens, usually your mind is somewhere else more important, in my case, my mind is online on a website, my twitter, Instagram, iphone, book writing, emails, so that’s where my mind is. Relationships occur when you don’t have a lot of things to do, or when you feel comfortable by a person who you know is not harming you, I guess that’s the test with mental health issues, how harmful are mental health issues to others, and how harmful is a person who self harms or who gets offended, in what way is a persons mental health hard to understand or too difficult to support, in what way are problems solved when people don’t get mental illness, in what way is writing with a diagnosis of “schizophrenia” considered harmful to my health or to the health of others. In what way is a new handicap supposed to make me feel good doing the only thing that Im able to do in life besides running,. Make people think that what I was able to do, is harmful to my health, if writing was my solution for feeling sick self harming or voices, then in what way will things be better if I am not doing something to combat a feeling of sickness being left with anything else to focus on in life, in what way should I get sick consumed by anything not created by me, in what way have I isolated, I think Ive been on social media the most so I should be the last to experience deficit about connecting and communicating with others, therefore there will be no example of what mental illness looks like, for me its been physical symptoms, so if that’s what leads to upset, then that’s a mental health issue. Therefore feeling good is important to be around people, because if you don’t feel good then they think that other people wont feel good, and that’s why to stay home when you are not well. I don’t think my life is occurring in anyway wrong that I should get suicidal or anyone, I don’t think anyone is doing anything wrong, life goes back to normal it should be that way, that’s the solution, so Im sorry if me getting sick is confusing, or me studying life coaching, whatever later happened to me, it was because I was all of those things and studying, and got sick so I would appear like Im not able to or have a bad idea, so be it.

Starting IOP this week haven’t been feeling well since I stopped working … so I’m doing my best, went to the ER twice sent home. So it shouldn’t be any worse than it was for me … so doing my best. I’m trying my best to speak well not be bothered by anything I wanted to date work have a life so I need to go to IOP first and get well it’s been a lot mentally I’m sure there were inspiring moments things made better or things getting worse but I know that everyone’s health is important so not waste time in question … get medical help … be better in a month fix whatever is making me not feel well or what would upset anyone about me fix myself … so I can publish a book.

Resource on the Subject of what is sickness what type of sickness is it: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1991-24560-001