Don’t be ruled by your past, if you have made it this far, be proud of yourself, what do you have to be thankful for? We have all had experiences in life that we regret or dishearten us, the good thing about life is that you don’t have to stay in those places in life, you can overcome those hurdles and be a new person, brighter, and more proud, so accept the experiences that shape you and your thinking and decision making skills in life. Had you not lived life the way you did, you wouldn’t be so wise, you wouldn’t be so tough, and you wouldn’t have the outlook that you have now. The problem with revisiting the past is that we can be too hard on ourselves, not forgiving enough, and re-traumatize ourselves, over the same mistakes over and over again, and you deserve more than to punish yourself over whatever had not gone right in your life, eventually you have to accept the flow of life, and how you have come to be, and appreciate more where you have been, and not forget all the good moments too.

In order to start over after a setback you must find the solution. [1] Sometimes merely visualizing where you want to see yourself in life, isn’t good enough. You have to put the work in. Educate yourself. Whenever I feel lost or out of sorts I get back to studying, reading books, listening to tapes, pick up a podcast, follow a blog, hearing from someone else other than you is sometimes the recipe for getting out of your own head about things. You can’t stay stuck on the same tangent and expect different results, sometimes starting over requires us to shift our focus and our thinking, so don’t be afraid to ask for help or seek help out there on your own. Be honest and open minded and take time to self-reflect. [2] This especially helps with negative thinking, how many times must you go down the wrong path in thinking and wind up feeling bad about yourself before you say hey you know what I recognize that Im sounding this way, and I don’t like the way I sound, and this is something that I want to change about myself. Sometimes setting the goal and knowing what you want to work on, help you get the job done.

Harvard Business Review talks about “self-incrimination,” [3] it’s when you overanalyze things, hard on yourself and wind up making yourself feel worse than you started out. I’m sure many of us have experienced this when we talk and talk and make ourselves sound worse than we are, who are we trying to negotiate with, who are we arguing to, what are you trying to cover for, or convince others of is or isn’t true and why, what is your goal, what do you want to happen for yourself. Really think about these things before you get going, asserting how you feel. If you want help you can’t go on pushing people away and in an unapproachable way make a fire with your problems, that’s just bundling things up into a package that says stay away from me I have problems and you should avoid me, why do that to yourself. In fact studies have show that “self-criticism” is associated to less motivation, more procrastination, and worse self-control. [4] Think about in what way does what I have to say say something about myself.

How to get help when you’re feeling down and out? [5] Don’t be shy, this is your life, and if you want change you have to go out into the world and seek the change you want for yourself, no one is going to hand you a good day, or good advice, or the solution to your problems, part of being human involves figuring out whats working for you why or why not, and what makes you happy, we won’t always know what to do in life, so try your options. Be active, exercise, get worldly, listen to music, watch a movie, read a good self-help book, call a friend, text your companion, there are plenty of ways to simply let other people know that youre not at your best without worrying them, chances are the people that know you will be rooting for you and able to reinforce who you are and the person you were before your life became a mess. That’s the beauty of life, sometimes people know you better than you know yourself, so trust the process of getting help and being helped, it wont all be roses looking through your own lens, sometimes pain, hurt, or depression can convince us that life is worse than it is, so don’t be afraid to ask for help. Be proactive. Ive notice the most changes to my self-esteem and confidence, when Im doing something each day, to help myself and also help others, which studies have shown does help to improve self-esteem, but the work doesn’t start there. As you take on more responsibilities in life, make sure you master first self-care and being kind to yourself, it makes it that much easier to be more accepting of others and less bothered or threatened by anyones issues in life, you feel invincible, is a great feeling.

It’s not an easy job being you, trust me, I know that sometimes just being you seems like a lot of work, this is what you are alive for, to put yourself together and to love yourself again, and ultimately feel good about yourself, and attract things, people, and opportunities into your life that make you proud to be who you are. Whats a life if we don’t have a life to talk about, isn’t that what makes life exciting when we can stop talking about our problems, and we can start doing things like work, participate, and help others, its through a better lens then that others see you, without inquiry or concern for your health. Those are good places to be in life, and it will be worth the journey, so don’t prolong the process and get going the minute you feel inspired to improve, that means you are ready for the type of change in your life that you know is going to make you feel like a better you one day, look forward to the future, don’t harp on the past, and don’t be too hard on yourself in between phases in life, we all have to accept the day no matter how it is delivered to us, so feel apart of the fact that sometimes we all get stuck and that’s okay and sometimes we all are forced to think about things that we are not ready to process, that’s what makes life a fulfilling supportive environment, to see how everyone else is coping, apart of. “Have a sense of belief in yourself and your ability to succeed.” [6]

Reference:

[1] https://www.smartagents.com/blog/six-ways-to-start-over-after-setback-or-failure

[2] https://www.smartagents.com/blog/six-ways-to-start-over-after-setback-or-failure

[3] https://hbr.org/2021/05/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself

[4] https://hbr.org/2021/05/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself

[5] https://www.webmd.com/balance/ss/slideshow-feel-better

[6] https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-feel-better-about-yourself