As you get older you will reflect on the types of relationships that you have had throughout your dating career, and hopefully it is not too late to love again, like again, make a new friend, companion, or feel comfortable with another in a mutually beneficial romantic or physical interaction. We tend to shy away from chances and opportunities when you feel hurt by the past, this can discourage you from moving forward and trying again, trust me I’ve been there as someone who abstained from sex beginning 2014, it was really hard for me to get back out there and start loving again, it’s not a requirement, and if youre like most people who have been through a lot, you are told to wait, just how long is too long, and at what point are you ready to meet others romantically, like, or love again, at what point does it become too painful to try, or too late to invest energy in the opportunity for love, when is your time up?

Health comes first, as someone with mental health issues, who has longed for love through the majority of my late twenties and thirties, it was difficult to be alone, I was used to always being in a relationship, comfortable and loved and having a best friend in life, and sometimes the cards turnover for you in life, and you get exposed to lesser relationship types, such as casual sex, hooking up, and online dating. It’s not too late to turn around, if you’re ever headed on the path to devaluement, you don’t have to do that to yourself, if youre not feeling good about yourself or in general, that could mean that you either need more, or need more alone time, to figure out how to be mature in a romantic relationship, patient.

What you crave and what you need, is often something that you can provide to yourself in the form of stability, no one tells you that once you start dating, but if there is ever something missing, it’s your stability, your certainty of the day and future planning ability, know that you will not always get that feeling with who you have a romantic interest in. Not all people are aligned to stay together forever, and if you are getting older, or suffer from setback, it could be even that much harder to even expect for a commitment to be made to you to stay with you in a loving way, and that’s a hard fact to accept about life, not being the total package, ready to keep, ready to care for, ready to invest quality time with, for those with so much going on for them besides you, it just doesn’t make sense for people to spend downtime with others.

So if youre looking for more time with who you love, don’t be hurt by how short their time is with you. You’ll learn later in life, that life gets harder, you have less energy, and to enjoy the time that you do get to spend with others, you won’t need to certainty of things working out, when things are working out for you. It will be harder when the tables have turned, and then you have trouble setting your heart to people long term, out of fear of being hurt. It’s when you don’t have the energy to invest in coddling and seeking love from someone that it doesn’t happen for you, it’s something you have to be willing to do, in order to be in any relationship, you can’t expect someone to do that for you.

Often times the person who is sought for love becomes responsible for providing love, and some need minimal encouragement support and attention to be loved and to feel good, and that makes for the most independently successful couples, who are comfortable with eachother, confident in one anothers abilities, and as things work out for one another separately, it creates a non-pressured mutual space to reconvene and share that’s memorable and motivational, and inspiring, be with someone who you admire. Don’t be with anyone who ignores you, and is sparring with their time, these are easy ways you can become accustomed to taking things the wrong way, and suit yourself for less fulfilling relationships. It’s not that we deserve more, the the better you feel, the less you think that you deserve to be hurt by anyone, who wants to show up a million bucks, and be made to feel like they’re just one of the rest, replaceable.

Be with someone who appreciates what makes you unique, who notices your talents or background is impressed by you, who you have something in common with, mutual interest in one anothers career advancements, or lifestyle, you will feel best by those who’s spaces you feel at home in, be with someone who makes you feel safe, who makes you feel reassured, and is easy to socialize with, that makes for the best intimate relationships, not worried what you look like or think like, and treated as though you’ve arrived brand new, nothing disappointing about you, and happy to see you, that’s value.

As I’ve improved and slowly tip toed back into the dating scene here are the types of relationships that became available to me in life, and the types of relationships I had the option to pick from.

• Your Relationship with Yourself: Exploring life alone can be lonely and sad, and take you to very dark places sexually, and it’s nothing that anyone is truly proud about, it’s something that people think is funny or immature or an uncomfortable subject for those who eventually learn how to self sooth their romantic traumas away, what is there to learn about self soothing, or self love in a sexual way. I feel like its been advertised as the new thing, but there are so many downhill battles you can face along your journey, not to mention addictions, or confusions, or just plain not feeling good about yourself in the end. My best advice would be to explore sexuality alone, at your own risk, be aware of the mental health issues that can arise, be aware of the taboo surrounding the appropriateness of the activity, don’t be surprised if it become something about you that you feel shamed about, and don’t feel wounded by anyone inflicting commentary or negative judgment toward you for not have sex, or to stop having sex and dating, that doesn’t mean that you are the type of person who is generally made fun of, who no one wants to do, or who is unattractive, or repels the interest of others, there will always be people that you will not match with, and what self-love taught me most was what it feels like to be the kind of person who people make fun of or call P. It caused me schizophrenia and voices, bullying, and it wasn’t a good experience to share with anyone, it’s something that makes you feel good, but to talk about with others, turns out to be the most painful types of relationships and the most recently and volatile. It’s as though each ones ability to feel good, not feeling good by the others, becomes the resentment and the heartache individually felt. I think a solo activity is hard to share with another person, it depends on what you think people should have in common to understand one another’s needs, so for some it’s apart of life nothing to be shamed by and often times encouraged by people who love you, however on the outside looking at you, the auditory delusion of hearing voices making things about them, becomes tiresome and inflicts wounds deeper than you know and realize. It’s painful for people to subject you to insult over what you are or are not doing in life, what does or does not make you feel good, it can be a painful process of being sized up in life, on the basis of who you love or don’t love or match with. Sometimes people will not find you attractive until they know who you find attractive, and I guess that’s how some people judge whether you are, based on what you attract, who you match with, to know how to treat you see you, or know youre value. People don’t know how good you feel looking at you, and people may assume that if youre not having sex or have mental health issues that you don’t feel good, not to mention your weight, sexuality is one of the most misunderstood subjects in life, and one of the bases for people complaining, suing, and rejecting people on the basis of what they feel like, and what other people feel like around them, not everyone can be someone in a room who others feel good by, not everyone is a match physically, and this you learn later in life, what is the value of your space, who are you willing to share it with.

• Companionship: Companionship can be platonic, in fact most relationships start out based on the conversations you are able to have with people, nothing that starts out heavy is easy to repair, it creates a hesitant space, you have to earn the comfort in order to be in the comfort, so don’t be too hard on yourself, starting off with serious subjects about health, etc. It’s your life you get to choose what you want to highlight and talk about and sometimes there is nothing you can do to change that about yourself. So practice socializing first, writing, blogging, sharing on social media, get used to what is okay by others, before you decide to dive in and talk to someone who is measuring your attractiveness by what you say, yes each word counts, and that’s the make or break it with people, at what point are things too much not gonna happen. At what point are any red flags being saluted, that makes working on anything a chore and not worth it, what makes a match is a mutual ease of conversation and a lightness in the air, and after COVID, career breaks, and lost wages, well it’s not the best time to date, so don’t be shocked when everyone is feeling heavy or needs some cheering up and enthusiasm or dedication. Don’t expect that people working will be able to provide that to you, their energy is for work, socializing, and whats important, you will not be important to think about if you don’t also have important things of your own to worry about, busy people make the best companions, it’s like youre in a team with someone, who is around or there for you, when you have the mental energy and break from what you are doing to check in and have simple conversations about life, and also a good safety in the event that you go downhill with stress and need someone to talk to you, who is in good spirits about you or toward you, people who thought the world of you at first, make for the best reminders of who you are and should be to others, don’t take your health or any auditory delusion of what is to heart its not real until you make it real or talk about it and convince other people that its real or true that’s the problem with paranoia, delusion, auditory delusion, or bullying, its gest calculated added up tested and injected into your day, as though that’s a proper assessment of what you are and what you feel like or what youre life has been like, how you end up with a worse life than the life you lived, what people think matters, so don’t expect people to accept the people who become companions to you in life, in the end you represent yourself, you can’t get hurt or bullied based on who meets you talks to you or knows you in life, there are worse lives to imagine and think about, its not yours.

• Relationship for Marriage: This is the type of conversation in which youre shared dreams match who you are talking to the conversation wont happen if youre not someone who anyone feels like having that type of conversation with, people who share mutual dreams in life means someone is open to sharing what they want their future to look like, and right there that should make you feel good. Minus the pressure of getting there with anyone, always savor the peace and serenity of the moment, just to be present with someone, able to share texts and schedule a time to meet, and get to be in eachothers lives, that’s actually the most difficult and complicated aspect of meeting people, having the ability to respond and keep things going, a good relationship will not take work, you will not wonder, and they will reach out and text you first. When someone thinks of you, and reaches out to you, that means something, especially since so much time has past between when you two were together, sometimes the people who we go through a lot with, when things get better, are the easiest decisions on whether to stay, or to try something new, you simply wont find the same comfort elsewhere, you think, but low and behold as things get better, you become capable of creating a mutually beneficial space with anyone who decide to spend your time with. It’s all about who you want to spend your time with, and don’t be shocked if you get lucky with attention for a period, then for a period don’t talk to anyone, they all seem to come around at the same time, people can tell when you are doing well, that’s why people check on you and reach out to you, they want you to be well. Be with someone who sees you as smart, wants you to work, believes in you, and isn’t too worried about your mental health issues, be with someone who you are not afraid to be with, who you don’t feel bullied with anyone, be with someone who you can talk to, and feel good being yourself around, the world is full of rejections and judgements, don’t make your romantic life about what other people think. People who don’t know you romantically or intimately will never be able to imagine what youre love feels like or looks like and that’s not anyones business to reject you on the basis of what they think youre about or what they think youre value is looking at you, physical appearances matter, even worse is to be rejected on the basis of whether people are interested in you sexually or not, you will wonder about the necessity for appearances later in life, like when it comes to jobs, maintaining jobs, just be put together don’t worry about sex.

• Relationships for Comfort: Dating an Ex is a very comforting experience, while you may be different and life may be hard, never forget who you were when you were well, in law school part-time and working part-time and not on any meds, those were your strong years and your best years, so don’t be sad that you struggled or faced difficulty as single, we don’t all get the freedom of friends and relationships to protect us in life and our images, and people who are independent and live alone, should not struggle anymore than a person who has friends, co-workers, and companions or hook ups in life, sometimes you will be alone, sometimes you will have someone in your life, who looks forward to seeing you who you can share love with. Many people who have been through a lot, will choose people they know to be loving with, that’s just a fact of life, if starting new is a lot of work, that just means that the standards are so high, that people are not being viewed for who they are, but being viewed by what they have, what their life looks like, who knows them, and what people will think with this person standing next to them. It’s like the people who youre not romantically connected with think you are embarrassing to stand next to, when its about appearances you get rejected based upon what you look like in a picture standing with someone, if youre image has been so derailed that you don’t like what you look like, and you feel awkward or don’t impress and make the person next to you look better, then that’s a hard way to learn that there is something wrong with your image, when you cannot be seen in unison next to someone, or if anyone feel embarrassed or devalued by your life, success, luck, potential, or political standing, so that’s the lesson on people looking good together, there is a mutual respect for people when they look good together, so that’s what people are interested in when they come to look at you, who do you look good with, and on what basis should people judge what you look like, as does not look good with, what are the reasons that people are kept away, rejected, or refused help in life, and in what way does having a life, and having an image created on your own, benefit the ease of which you can be accepted later on in life, when it comes to relationships, what makes others feel more at ease by you.