Sometimes when facing turmoil, we forget to turn everything off, we forget to back out, back down, let go, and leave room for amends, it’s like a non-stop train to indifference toward you, the more you express or try to fight that difference, the more you end up with less in the long run in terms of getting along with others, and being approachable. I don’t think Im the first to push love away, to separate myself, to withdraw, to isolate, to abstain, to be to myself, to be shy, to regress, to lose momentum, to shell up, to be defensive, to throw a pitty party, or to complain, I think when your defenses are down and anything let it doesn’t function well at your speed in life, you can feel pushed for no reason that you find relevant, what is control? Usually we think of control as in a Boss Employee relationship, someone with oversight directing you what to do, and upon completion of each requirement a job is done, however in real life it’s about your ability to manage and Boss yourself until your job is done, not the other way around, by news or commentary, in the end how things feel will be based on what work you put into the moment, into your blog, or into life, is the impression that another gets from you, based on where you are or where your headed, it’s hard to see from your shoes, not unless you describe whats going on. So that’s being known, if you are successful your opinion becomes of value in the event that anyone else is placed in your shoes in life, made to care, or wanting to help others, would like to know from the experience of someone who blogs, what it is like to share, and how much sharing is required to desescalate circumstances, to which others feel at peace by or pride regained in the event that a solution is found that works for everyone and gets them going again in life. It’s true that guilt, depression, mistakes, failures, off speaking, bad pictures, attitude, relationships, conversations, tone, talking points, what you do or do not have in life, all of these things about you make you more or less reliable to others, it doesn’t matter if youre a writer or a model in this day and age the standards are very high for respect or to be famous or reach a celebrity status, you have to be someone who cares and the distance from where you started to where you are now is considered a success on all levels, it wouldn’t feel good if that distance were being challenged by people who ever viewed you as being sick, that’s a hard distance to travel, when everytime you are well, you are punished or told to go to the hospital, everytime you recover and start writing more, treated as manic or verbose, and anytime you are sad, treated as bipolar or addict losing energy to an energy provided or thought spent unwisely. Writing is a good use of energy and my years in life, I couldn’t have imagined living life any other way except through writing, so there really was no other option or job that would have suited my interests and talents other than writing, writing is what law school is about, its what books are about, its what sociology is about, its what keeping a diary my whole life is about, its what I have done my whole life, so now is not different. Blogging teaches you how to free write, which isn’t journaling or therapy or psychotherapy (which talks about how you feel when and what makes you feel bad or what is hard for you), it’s public speaking, its speaking absent whats gone wrong for you, and it offers hope to others in the form that you have recovered. I think its rare that someone who attends AA is also a blogger, that doesn’t mean that we are affiliated or write and speak by the same standards religion or books, I think blogging is a much bigger specimen that simple recovery and alcoholism, its more conditional based on whats going on outside in the world, and that usually dictates the quality of writing that needs to be provided in place of harm.

Published 04-07-23