04-22-23 — Life is good so no one expects you to be going through a hard time for any reason, and most people don’t want to be bothered by anything that youre faced with in life as a person, that’s life, you may exist, but if you don’t make money youre not important, and if you date your disrespected, and that’s love it last for so long as you put the effort into, and is ruined upon fighting or not getting along with others, and you cant replace people or replace lives, with stories and feelings that people had to justify why they let go or connect on the basis of you, maybe they are saved and feel good, but at your expense, and maybe that’s the lesson, people know you and then think that putting your health in jeopardy is their right or their safety this is what happens when you wrongfully accuse someone of harassment, and this is what happens if anyone comes to know you in the negative, so that’s the joke of putting information through you again and again, on the basis of what information your disclose and those are people who are not on your side in life, and just wanted a connection that you don’t have in life, the privilege to talk to Todd Spitzer and be recognized as a human being, put another freeway driver in jail and in court for two drinks and punish them, that’s what you all do anyways, drink and go to dinner and drive home, how am I any different in life, its not me under the influence its whats within the joke that is carrying the medical humor is mistreatment of others, its not my head that’s big Im educated, its your comprehension of history and the OJ story overall that makes you disrespectful and not know a thing about my life and what I went through as a law student, you try going through life everyone giving you a hard time or treating like your privileged or rich and feel sorry for others and put you down in life, what system is this anyways, who are you strong by or for what reasons.

I found a book on Amazon that talks about the importance of writing from the heart:

“With warm, lively, often humorous anecdotes, advice, and lessons, this unique approach to creative writing as a path to healing the self shows how to reverse the damaging effects done to writers.”[1]

Similarly while in recovery from schizophrenia voices, beginning with a bipolar diagnosis on the medication Abilify, it will take adjusting, I know my first experience with voices, I was shouted at and it resulted in self-harm and tantrums, smashing furniture in my house, two night stands, and two droid phones, I couldn’t figure out where the voices were coming from, or how, I was sober, and wasn’t watching TV at the time, run everyday at night, sleep in the daytime rest, write from my phone. I was learning how to blog and use social media and how to make websites, then eventually I made my own content, I had already lost 40 lbs at the time, so I was not studying others to be something I am not, I remember what I used to look like, and that’s who you become, who you were before you got sick, gained weight, broke up, stopped working, etc etc, and then you heal and recover, it’s a process.

Voices can cause damage to your brain and to your body it can make you scared it can cause psychosis it can cause brain trauma, throwing up, self-harm, it does the reverse of loving yourself, it causes you to feel like people don’t like you or someone is attacking you, is what voices feel like, a voice that is not coming from you, and being able to hear others and not know where they are coming from, and blogging used to help through writing prevent attack by voices, but eventually upon mention problems are not solved and that’s how a problem gets worse, its like a subject is not laid to rest, one or the other feeling offended, therefore the issue is why I am not at peace and why others are at peace without me, and in what way is my peace expected to serve them, if my peace is being affected by what they say to me. So that’s not me turning things around and fighting others, its about why do I get mistreated and get put on medications or recover, it doesn’t make sense what state anyone expects me to be in, I don’t know what I look like and with disability it’s a constant assessment of what you look like appear like sound like how you respond, what you talk about, what you write online, what work you do, what letters you write, when you go out of your way, when do you make choices or do things, no one tells you what to do in life, what makes your life a life is about what you choose to do and hopefully think about to do, with voices, that occupies the space in your brain, so that you cannot think, and writing comes from you, so when people break your heart, its to take from you who you were, and try to inject something left over to you, there is nothing left over in me dark angry or upset, when a person hurts you, you cant talk to them even if theyre nice to you, because it caused me voices schizophrenia self-harm that’s when a person is fighting you who you don’t have a problem with and wont stop attacking you and you don’t feel like being loving toward them, when you feel insulted, then you cannot be who you were, this is how sharing photos is a problem, people see who you are, then without a lens attack you by technology, and then try to change you, so you appear different, whos on your face is who you are, your blood, heart.

Reference:

[1] https://www.amazon.com/Writing-Heart-Tapping-Power-Inner/dp/0786882875