Going to the Courthouse tomorrow, to check on my case, and get a follow-up on what has been decided and see when my next court date is and what is being asked of me and needs to be provided in order to not be treated as though my love is harming anyone, or any voices have the ability to ruin a relationship, whether that was interpreted to occur at any point male or female in tone, is not my issue, but an issue tested to see whether I am triggered by women or men and over what issues or by what losses. Its safe to safe that the loss of Todd Spitzer from my life, is an irreparable damage to me, as a person who improved for others, was honest, respectful and protective, it is clear on what basis do I get voices and on that basis he is being protected from me, as though a connection to me will cause him to hear voices, or be treated similarly thought an existing condition in reality not existing yet or before at anytime.

What Ive learned from this experience is that you can love someone and it is possible you will never meet them, get to talk to them, or be helped by them, and the basis could be a prior judgment of you, thinking you are guilty of some wrong by drinking, car accident, or complaint, its clear that when people assume that you are wrong, its to tell you that based on who you are how you look and what you are doing with your life, others are offended by you and its to communicate to all that this person is hurtful and that’s why people get sued or put in jail, its so people know who is hurtful who has a bad life and which life will not help anothers life, and which lives have been lived wrong, that’s what jail is for, its to communicate to everyone that you have done something wrong, there is something wrong with you that no opne can help you with, and its to make you realize that you don’t belong and that there is something wrong with you, this is why I don’t drink, this is why I don’t drive, this is why I stay home, this is why I was forced to move home, this is why I graduated from law school and got a job, and blogged and helped on the basis of there being something wrong with everyone, and me having experience being home bound treated sa though there is something wrong with me or guilty about me, knowing the feeling of not knowing what is happening or why, and feeling disempowered, was not a state of mind that anyone should be convinced of or left in, so being positive was a good thing, knowing why youre being positive is something that you wont understand until that quality about you is lost, or ruined.

So what I learned is to not admire or to love anyone who cant talk to me or help me, is the lesson in looking stupid and on the basis of looking stupid that all my photos of me obese were considered weird and offensive and because of who I am thought that I was wealthy or someone who is smart or mean, so I was bullied or criticized as though Im smart in a condescending way when I was being nice, which is why in the reverse when Im not being warm and loving writing quotes and have discontinued talking to everyone, on what basis is sought to be known, how I talk to others or everyone, compared to how I talk in private and what about the content private is different in public, none of it is different it is all the same, based on real time, what I recognize to be the solution for making the feeling f now better, and also with awareness to not make things worse, and continue to filter what is necessary not assume that anything is known wrong or was taken or understood the wrong way, that I should or seem like Im not accepting of or highlighting, which is the key issue in others being helped and you not being helped specifically and treated as delusional or “no relationship” whatsoever, on the basis of who is in the life of a person, if you are not approved of or thought highly of, then on that basis a man cannot know you, should not be loved by you, and on that basis you are separated from who you love, if you are not viewed to be of value or with an innocence loving another, which is the basis for separation on what basis do I meet minds with others, and on what basis does everyone seek to meet minds with me online, to determine whether I loved Todd Spitzer, for a mental reason, a guilty reason, or a physical reason, to determine what kinds of situations or chemistry’s in life mentally cause or create for love or closeness, to determine whether me speaking online for a specific amount of time is with the intent for creating a feeling of love that occurred once between be and someone I ;picked to talk to online in private, therefore it will not be the incident that causes the connection, but it will be who I decide to talk to and whether I continue to talk to someone will be the basis for whether I open up and when I open up whether a feeling of love is experienced between me and another person, otherwise it should not happen, will not happen online, and should not be expected to happen, or have a recipe for happening perfect, or think that at any point Ive ever refused to open up, or should know what Im supposed to talk about based on who I am talking to, whether that boundary is breached or whether any person is more capable of understanding me in life, other than who loves me, or who knows me, probably not, and on the basis of involving guilts or the mentality of who is against me in life, that person cannot help me or love me on the philosophical basis of what things are about, addictions, disorders, violence, and if Im not viewed as an element of peace to which things were assembled properly, then it is not in my best interests to be viewed as a piece in life that’s disruptive or chaotic or ruins any relationships, the basis for any relationship ruined will not be a connection to me to another which another rejects or doesn’t like and if that’s the cause with connections, then I don’t have connect with anyone who is liked by others who is capable of being rejected by others on the basis of liking me, means not to be close to anyone on any level to which they are respected and Im not, or Im accused of not respecting them while other people feel better by someone, and Im no allowed to feel good by him, means Im being discriminated.

Published 04-18-23