I just attended my 20 year high school reunion. So much has changed, and yet so much to be reminded of during the times in life when you were social and apart of. I think that much about life changes, in any moment you struggle whether its mental health, addiction, alcoholism, law school, any moment you are separated from the life that you had in pursuit of your goals in life to be successful or attend law school, date and get married, those are decisions you make in life hopefully to better yourself, which is time apart that most people would understand. It’s the times when you are brought back together with people who knew you and know you, that is a blessing in life. It’s good to outgrow old personal setbacks and dilemmas in life, you’ll come to know and understand yourself better in the years you have been independent of others, and also be reminded of all the social experiences that you didn’t get to experience in life, as a result of mental health issues, sobriety, and law school. Most people are not social, and happy just being that way, for some like me, who was used to being social, time alone, only gets to you, when you become less busy in life, you recognize how little you have. Why it’s important to keep growing, and keep being positive, so when the time comes to be social, you can really appreciate everyones growth including youre own, and that makes for a great reunion, and supportive environment. Don’t worry about the years you lost in life when you struggled, be more concerned with what life you have left to assemble and continue to build a better and brighter future for yourself, in spite of anything you have gone through personally. It makes more sense, to cherish the moments when you get to be in people’s lives, and be thankful that you are not living a lesser life, in which you are not proud of yourself, or don’t belong, or feel out of place, be thankful that you have a life and get to talk about that life with others, even if you are just a blogger or attended law school, ultimately be proud of yourself, and those things matter less than you thought they would matter, its about who you are.

The goal if you ever have a mental health issue, or struggle in life is to not let it affect others, especially those you care about, this is why to improve, work, be out in the world and try again. Most people believe in you and think you are capable, maybe just not the hospital, or psychiatry. I remember in therapy 2018 my therapist thought that I could take the bar one day, and I thought to myself that can’t happen, Im going through so much, there’s no way I would be able to relearn and memorize everything all over again, and then by 2022 I was working in law as a paralegal doing legal writing, and graduated with a Masters in Law from Thomas Jefferson School of Law. So you never know what room there is for you in recovery to get strong again, so try not worry if you are ever stuck in any phase in life when you don’t see yourself as capable of having things in life, like your intelligent self you were when you were in law school, or the social self you were when in college, or the loving self you were when you were a girlfriend, or the chatty bee you were on messenger fan mailing, you know that person who puts themselves out there and makes the effort is still in you, its all about you feeling good about yourself, and not expecting people to know what you are going through, not everyone is in the same boat, and that’s what I was grateful for in attending my reunion, that no matter how serious and complicated life gets for me, everyone else is doing just fine, and Im thankful that no complications to my life, have affected those that I know, or made any of their lives more complicated in knowing me. You’ll know whether your problems are affecting those who know you, when you are not comfortable being around people, that’s your insecurity and uncertainty in life, and that’s what usually keeps you away from people in life, until you overcome those personal hurdles in life, will you feel okay to be around others, your peers, talk about life, and get to know what other people are up to in life, that’s ultimately what socialization is for. -I think being away from people who know you who you were friends with in life, can be difficult for anyone, and has been difficult for especially me, but Im lucky that I have been able to blog, and learn how to adapt to strangers knowing who you are and supporting you and reading your work. It’s a much more conservative environment to socialize in, and very high pressure, and anxiety riddled experience to write, be strong, set boundaries, and share, but I have been able to get used to it.

Recently in making the transition to go to coding school, I keep rethinking whether to continue to apply for jobs in law, since that was my first goal, and not sure about giving up on all the work towards being able to work in law, so not sure if its worth giving up on one dream to pursue another but thinking about it. Blogging I think is something I can participate in so long as I don’t get burnt out in the all the details and voices that can occur as a repercussion of sharing your mind with others, it’s a different experience in life when made to deal with the unhappiness of others, this is why to be a positive person. I think too often mental health issues are judged as something defective about how you think and talk about life, and I don’t think that’s true, since we have had all these conversations online and people continue to read, and it just picked up in traffic without blogpros and distribution. Therefore, since my hard work is paying off, this would not be a good time to quit blogging since it has taken this long to establish a blog online. If Im ever doubtful of continuing to write, it’s probably because of voices bullying, so that’s nothing I can explain to anyone, or determine the causes for it, and no category of any issue belonging to any group can explain for what causes schizophrenia to a woman or any man in life, so I wouldn’t be too consumed by the diagnosis, I think it has subjected me to more harm than good, to use a diagnosis to relate me to violent people and criminals, which is really insulting. What I can do about it, is continue to separate myself from who is stereotyped to be that way, and continue to improve and stay young, and be successful, and speak well, and continue to differentiate myself from a disease or disorder, and not allow myself and my life to be defined by such insulting terminology and reduce bullying and jokes.