The worst decisions of my life have been made screamed at wrongfully accused punching my head threatened or concerned about connection or love closeness in the end what matters are your reactions, and the lesson is whatever you have experienced is remembered by you and remembered by who reads, so whats reflected in what others say to you, is similar later recalled by stories you’ve shared significant to you, and your recovery not occurring based on being misunderstood by type of friends, isn’t the issue, the issue is negative judgment and constant examination of what causes mental illness, you wont know in what way you cant connect or suffering being alone in life until that potential is destroyed, however justified, is reinforcing a system without forgiveness and using me as an example of what punishment should do to a person or entitle others to or attendance in AA. What cant be figured out now is where I belong, or when or how I get sick, or whats not recognized as normal …. In the end for everything that you remember and share and concerned of the reverse becomes true that your experiences in life are made to represent truths in life support and togetherness that you I should be made to feel sick by or consider “schizophrenia” a lost opportunity to be cool. Whats been clear this year past two years the only two years functioning back to society (2022-2023) is how short that period in time was to be around others, and although that made me feel reassured in life, whats not forgotten is how Im treated and why should that matter, in the end I have to accept dislike and respect boundaries, and recognize that sometimes the best way to accept being shown the way out or made to recall reinforced, is not how I should be hurt, it should be why was I well made an effort, and in what way does being sick now lessen chances for socialization or work. When you cant get over satisfaction of states of mental illness you forget the 10 years I worked hard and stayed out of trouble and not causing problems or being at risk of harm doing my best, I never said life after lawsuit was easy, not being served, not losing my car, not self harm and voices, not hitting my head, that’s not the joke, so however an incident less desytructive appeared a worse version is recorded the saved photo representing (me hurting myself and accuse me of it being my fault or shown to anyone privately pen pal or tech wise treat me as doing anything improper that makes me look like a weirdo, so what wasn’t respected were voices, and since the focus was on the wall, home searched, Instagram, served, seeing Aaron the night before, told “someone who cares” its not me weaponizing myself living a life reported …. Its blaming me for getting voices mental illness as a reflection of “hell” or “demons” or spirits or connections joke or “cocaine joke” or make fun of rehab documents joke in the end its not who I was or how I struggled that’s the joke or any town I don’t belong in the joke (or a college counselor issue) when nothings cute about you, that I can accept, when positive experiences aren’t viewed as opportunities accuse me of trying for things among vulnerable populations successful and surviving by their own attitudes outlooks in life, its not me friended as a guilty concept I should be haunted by or blamed for, when you don’t view my memories are significant, its in what ways am I not beautiful or not respectful and supportive protective therefore it doesn’t matter who is supported when or come to mean “I don’t know my place or disrespect wealth like being poor is a joke” overall since everyone thinks saying hurtful things is not supposed to hurt then the repeated issues is (whether Im a joke with a pen pal who didn’t like me respect my family accuse me telling him information making me or my family vulnerable to someone capable of punishing or hurting my family watching or in my life destroying me. Whats focused on are the issues of who hurt me and pride in his positivity toward me, what was focused on were his emails, who has told me not to email is the constant mistreatment of me as harassment accuse me causing his distress, when its my suffering and hitting my head telling him to stop and the person not caring, so exposing a truth about me self harm, doesn’t solve the problem or make me viewed as anyone beautiful or smart, it’s a permanent destruction of my hard work and 38 years of life causing permanent damage out of disrespect for what my story means, and highlighting that I did not comfort support another accuse me bringing out insecurities or not being loving toward and use who hurt me as a basis for destroying everything future and not being able to comprehend in what way does unblocking him or able to talk matter or deletion its not that his recorded states are lost or kind words its disruptive photos of me fat and on meds is the constant shame humiliation underserved mistreatment of me, his insecurity was intelligence, so I never treated him as stupid, he became disinterested in me, so Im not a move on message all sex joke or by celebrity joke, and him being nice isn’t whats dangerous its being judged as being stupid robbed and punished for who I didn’t recognize as problematic well spoken, and instead of innocent chatting, its become about whos into politics who supports who whos been robbed whats the story whos in politics whos hurt who, Ive never been anyone important for ego or to feel good, later in life you learn that caring or leadership makes you look like a weirdo or man woman once you are forgotten as anyone of leadership caliber. So the constant fascination is about bad photos never seeing me when I was well, and the constant recreation of obesity or friend loss, Im sure if the issue is revisited its not already painful and Im sure making me look bad results in disrespect to family. So what I cant explain is wellness and mental illness or suicide, clearly my story of surivial and hospitalizations was a joke, and the more the focus is on why Im not successful or accuse me bad writing, the more you are blaming my positivity and enthusiasm for cheering others up, as improper humor you are accusing me of inflicting in life (accuse me of on imdb because of Laguna Woods) and the blame me “imovies not influential” or accuse me saying something stupid shown off or called out and continue to use the issues of shooters as making my own. Its clear that prevention wasn’t viewed as occurring by the right amount of work and support over 10 years and Im sorry that any of that progress was made to not be believed, or expect in writing a solution (as though happiness now is about forgetting losses significant then, all losses are painful reminders of who is loved and theres no excuse for early death, so maybe that’s not a subject viewed as responding to, and discussion makes me no less vulnerable to be hurt based on what is said and how, with the constant effort toward to “inappropriate” “harassment” and “me too” the expectation is hurt passed, hurt coming, and justification of me being the joke in common then not allow me to rationalize being known, and continue to blame me then, and now as more known, still have not found a solution. I think more losses is bringing up the issue of love support with, the joke, sensitive to, making light of, recidivism, making fun being a guest at Neverland, and misinterpreting dating then and being 38 as still not deserving of love, it will never be time then, if theres constant dissatisfaction overall and explanation wanted for why or who is doing this to our Country, so its hurts me as much as anyone unknown is hurt or a song relevant to a loss, so that’s not whats making anyone strong or insensitive, its in what way does favoring others and rejecting me teach me anything about life or where I belong as reminder of what Ive done wrong, whats wrong is that I made effort to get to know and later grew to love someone, and made fun of being on bumble and obese and still not getting over what pictures are bad causing what hate, and making fun of me given a hard time going to the ER, if is was a win then bullying and my life improved doesn’t means that ER means time to bully or communicate Im known convinced Im schizophrenic, to cover for shooters and act like hard truth is they know me accuse me made fun of and not view improvement or the past 10 years as lived with awareness strong, instead Im being punished to address and continue to suffer making the joke in what way is anything my fault and the more concrete that’s made like illustrating the word P over and over again hurting me, the more you are empathizing with violence or making the joke famous everyone knows me pretends Im not known, and that being the joke or informed and hurt the same joke, like getting me where it hurts is teaching me as lesson, like whoever is helping me next is next or on guard checking for misread, I can tell you this much if things aren’t happening and Im sick things wont happen, and if I set my mind to things do everything right and improve then well deserved, and can assure you reinforcing and justifying blaming me, isn’t solving what to do with me when I get sick, ultimately the jokes is reading my work and whats my fault, or a teaching turned on mom child joke accuse me not being close to my parents. So whats not the reality is respect admiration the happy moments the moments back or reunions it’s the issue injured sick cant travel cant work, cants date, accuse me as being on a hurt club joke, accuse me of protected cared for hurt, and that’s not the solution, so whats in common is bullying hospital before website developed, job, my Father dying a week after getting the job, making fun of my Father dying and sending him good news, and then constantly mistreat me as not a politician diplomatic attorney quality or professional with preference for blame injury confirmation my fault, and so the continuation of making fun of me, means to accept everyone knows me, and now everyones moved on, and Im kept away from everyone, its important to comprehend the issues “love” “friendship” motivations disability meds, wellness, and sickness, so not respecting my health, means continue to not talk to anyone accept my condition as damgerous punching my head and please don’t accuse me of leaving things unfinished or a say things information missing a hit or miss could’ve prevented caused joke, the lesson is since it’s a joke no one knows me, and harassment is a reinforce everyone or any complaint reject me, its not about who I am or who Im not, its my support systems end, when publicize my wellness, and blame me for anothers sickness, and then accuse me of responding not in a protective way accuse me of addressing a loss while sued, and now stating that bumble or cheating is not the issue when lions represented my hurt, so what is focused on is hurting me, lawsuit why things improved, and for the concern to be convinced Im hurtful and letting that be the reason people treat me like they know me, then accuse me of expecting a treatment as famous, make fun of me like embarrassment is deserved or replacing is the joke, or make relevant any work Ive done, accuse me of not respecting the privacy of others happy, in the end I am not me, I didn’t get to move on, not socialization was seen as special, and the constant comfort with normalizing terms hurtful to me is not understanding why Im hurt and recognizing to improve about how I feel instead, I was treated as turning on going against when Ive not, and that being the recalled memory as though Im some place worse than others, and Im rejected, as a bumble joke, or accuse me dishonoring a man being something worse than Im not, or told something shocking guilty, that is something that I should know not be told, is treating me guilty going to jail and continuing to make that justified and happen like a dream realized or team against accuse me drug addict paranoid like Im to describe what arrest feels like or “closing in on joke” in the end its me not special and the constant humor is the century city job and my humor comprehension of issues isn’t recognized, so living the next ten years writing and helping everyone is the solution to not recognizing remembering my last 10 years.