So far so good sorry it’s taking me longer than usual to get through explaining the problems associated to getting voices and the potential causes for those grievances “voices” (heard by me only) towards me in life.

Never by any loss have I ever made anyone’s life difficult to accept me or been a hard person to know so that’s not my theory in life that any loss should bring upon a sadness over anyone to say that losses privilege people to be protected as though people go easier on those who are suffering so I would never intentionally suffer to make anyone feel sorry for me worry for me or empathize with me that’s not what being a self help writer is about or studying life coaching.

I think I went about it in the right way by education and who I am as a person willing to help others without being paid for anything able to help others not at my own expense worry about who’s improved or not. So that much is misunderstood about me.

In a perfect world we would all be recognized all feel special all be important and all be loved and sometimes these diagnosis bring out the worst in us let alone cause others to think the worst of us.

In order to make my life better I’m going to stop complaining about diagnosis or lawsuit and just get better as the Judge wants.

I can’t explain anything to anyone because Im not Todd Spitzer so that’s for him to explain to anyone what was wrong with me considered my fault (with re: to “schizophrenia”) Im just happy to not be suffering anymore so that’s what’s probably causing negative voices as to me.

Sometimes when people don’t know you don’t respect you or recognize your value they’re hard on you criticize you and reject you and that’s not Todd Spitzer (on my end of things I’ve always loved him improved got better just talking to him makes me feel better) therefore any basis however created is none of my business.

If my life was hard I wouldn’t be a blogger (or in communication with anyone because my life improved I’m able to apply attend reunions be social participate on Facebook and Instagram). If I had anything to be ashamed or embarrassed (I wouldn’t be online so maybe this is a new experience mental illness as a result of being known or without proof of success and value).

That’s the uncertainty about me (not to mention recent debates forced to engage in about body image sexuality and who you love or who loves you and why). Caused by what’s declared auditory delusion of schizophenia when you hear criticism or negativity directed toward you (*only you can hear) is how you get treated as mentally ill the cure therefore is for no one to hold negative judgment of you (and that means being honest and distancing yourself is the solution until if not everyone loves you recognizes your contributions then no one wants to know why you did well online or who that helped if your influence is unwanted so this is the dilemma).

I’ve always been an open book (just recently need more privacy and deleted messages written by me it’s for no one else to read or review my past 3 years other than who I’ve chosen to talk to privately) and I’ve never complained about privacy or hacking and have the same concerns as anyone else in life that’s not paranoia in the sense it’s mental illness.

Sometimes what’s logical to you is considered illness to another (like loving someone you can’t be with in real life and being called delusional for having a crush on Todd Spitzer) in addition to hear (negative commentary directed towards me as a person who stopped having sex because of carcinoma cancer means my sexuality is misunderstood).

When people are on your side they can see what you’re saying (people who don’t view you as harmful to others suffering alone in your own life and by diagnosis). When people are not on your side (they don’t care if you’re suffering and think suffering is your fault and don’t recognize disability as something you overcame and improved to everyone’s benefit to witness how you improved and by what was said). When people are not on your side they don’t see what you’re saying (and consider your hurt their hurt so that’s how “hurt” is addressed what’s causing you to hurt and if you are hurt is that how someone else can feel hurt so this is the inaccurate scientific analysis of mental health issues and who’s affected and why and how -arises specifically when you blame people -the issue is diagnosing where any hurt is coming from not wrongfully accuse anyone of a disability that causes anyone to be hurt or create a difficult concept about reality.

This is how qualifying factors about you serve as less of an indication of what to leave you alone for or about and that’s how personal stories or anecdotes or advice is viewed as advice in the face of controversy or dilemma viewed as countering a negative opinion of you is when you shining and being successful doesn’t make others feel good and why me not being successful if suffering makes others feel better like they don’t have to care, a happy medium must be found based on what people think so that’s what I’m presently struggling with as a human being. Not be hard to comprehend or hurtful, that’s not what schizophenia means that you were this and now you’re this and it’s something wrong with you to say for the rest of you’re life people will think this and this is who you are or what you sound like, I don’t agree.

There are simple rules of life to recognize (keep your problems to yourself and be successful and not bother others or need help for any reason). Maybe that’s how mental health issues are viewed as though it’s a drag to others or an alternate reality untrue that anyone is exposed or awaken to I think we are all subject to difficult days and good days fun days and hard days and it’s really not for any system on creation to tell anyone that that’s not normal can’t be overcome or not their fault.

I think by my success online everyone wants an equal opportunity to learn or be given directions in life about how to make money and be successful themselves and I’m not anyone keeping any secrets or have any secret data or formula for success that’s not handwritten online for everyone to judge what I’m exactly accepted by it’s not a fight it was peaceful I wrote beautifully and the mental illness diagnosis is what creates a fight when you are devalued as a human being that’s what I’m having difficulty with.

I’m currently working on a job interview and plan to go back to work after taking a year off work to build a website to help everyone and to also help others battle mental illness associated with not having open ended discussions online about health and what there is to think about in life and manage. -More good is possible not left alone to handle any big problems in life. Life is about helping one another not isolating or suffering for any reason alone in life. -It’s okay to be helped in life.

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Dear Todd Spitzer and OCDA, I’m sorry for you recent loss and trauma and will do my best as a public figure to represent myself well and others so that the wrong ideas about life are not spread and we get more right minded people minus the darkness created when crime occurs is not how anyone wants to feel scared including me.

And stay sober so that I don’t lose my battle with voices, look bad or sound bad or be criticized for what I sound like mentally ill or stupid.

Dear #scotus: Thankfully I notified Black Lives Matter after sitting outside 5 times to let them know I was working toward calming down the issues over voices bullying self harm suicide and mental illness by getting well myself and working towards changing my writing to be more positive helpful and not about myself I should not be struggling for any reason if I’m able to achieve success attend law school. It’s my job to overcome difficulty and help others too also.