Treatment was for being told to go to the ER August 2022 was interviewed with a job and was kept in a room and sent home by the hospitals psychiatrist, for being sued January 2023, for going to the ER Spring 2023, for relapsing on alcohol and cocaine June 2023, for going out a few times beginning while dating an Ex, I went out once, and drinking at home September 2023, my sober date was 04/02/17, and have not been out since alone, and that was how I made myself look bad because that’s viewed as low class, I gained weight because of drinking after losing weight after my trip to NY in June went down a size in jeans, and because of fighting at home concerning not being home and not to spend money out alone, that began after the paramedics came to my room to talk and take me to the ER, once there was no bed told to sign an AMA (against medical advice) and got to go home, once I left the ER bed and didn’t wait, once social workers came to my home to take me, and finally taken to the ER and stayed and put on a hold 10/02/23. Because of drinking which was not approved eventually anywhere out alone, or at home, this resulted in punching my head and shouting, following an incident home outside smoking in front of my building an officer drove by to talk to me who I spoke to and another officer pulled up and told me I could not go home, as a result of this conversation, at some point I was shouting on my balcony I don’t remember what I said, and a complaint was emailed a letter sent to me the same day, and then I was kicked out of my home and told I cant live here anymore because of shouting and violated the lease agreement, is why I ended up in the ER, and after the ER was sent to more treatment residential because my building threatened me, and the only reason I am allowed home, is if I continue to go to treatment, so that I can live here and not have any mental health issues, including shouting and definitely not drink or use, which resulted in dating casually an ex, ended, and because I was insecure about being social, I was made to feel unstable and look bad because I talked to other people, strangers, when Im of value successful online. So that’s how that relationship ended, not being able to text, not in a good place, not recovered from ER on my own, not sober resulted in being taken to the ER, and things are better now because I am sober and not out alone, and every crime, loss occurring while at work on Robertson was responded to by me on my own by my own doing and effort to involve myself, and launching a new website is for the sole purpose of helping others, otherwise I could have stayed at my paralegal job, but in order to get well and stay well writing has proven to be more effective in helping others, and keeping a written record of every decision and effort to speak to police or courts, to ensure that less crime occurs, specifically related to any crime that causes anyone to identify characteristics I either do or don’t represent isn’t why or why not I should help or speak to it, to prevent would mean I’m not targeted, no one is targeted, and my blogs are not the reason anyone is targeted, or misrepresented including myself in political matters or by news story highlights. I think its dangerous to watch the news and for crime to happen or mass shootings, and not say anything about anything, surely something can help, and although my something may not always be structured as an article or on commercialized trending subjects, I’m sure that writing online has helped, whether I should or should not be directly affected, I think whats helping is me staying well, and continuing to ask questions and do what I need to do to feel okay and be helpful, everything else mental health wise, I don’t have the time and energy to keep up with what should hurt my feelings and how should I feel insulted, or at what point a definition is true o accurate or who its helping, I just think in the end, the risk is in not speaking, the solution is in staying well and writing professionally, and I’m sorry that “mental illness” doesn’t also have a textbook written by me to explain what writing makes sense or doesn’t, or what types of writing are unhelpful to me or anyone. If the justification for insult or diagnosis is address a type of writing and should writing occur that illustrates a word I don’t identify with then that’s me losing to a previous concern about not identifying with a term, so that’s losing to my concern, which means making a definition true doesn’t hurt and is correct and then applies, is supposed to tell me what is clear for whom, who believes a diagnosis to be true or words intended to insult me true.

On a positive note, I spent my first day off adderrall and sat awake for 6 hrs in group therapy and drove, on no meds, spent one day back on meds, and got in trouble shouted at, and adderrall was discontinued, and lasted less than a week texting a new friend, before staying up or getting sick, and for the first time did cardio for 5 hours on a treadmill have not moved for 15 miles since I trained for the Malibu half marathon. As a result of staying up and taking 60 mg of adderrall and running 15 miles, I missed 1 day of PHP couldn’t drive there, and had to see my Doctor, and my Mom is not mad at me anymore, everything is okay, but if I don’t go to PHP, then everyone screams at me, tells everyone that if I don’t attend PHP, I wont be allowed to get better or stay well be recognized for functioning off no adderrall or being on a psychiatric hold and attending groups for the first time awake in the hospital and outside even off adderrall means that I am stronger now than when hospitalized in the past and although I don’t know now what caused me sickness then, I would hope that the meds and my life has improved because I haven’t given up and Im sure that Im a success story for anyone with mental health, because I graduated from law school even after hospitalization and able to get a paid job, and able to be taken off adderrall and function and be awake, and for voices to stop, is the “self-improvement” and “personal development” qualification of my title online, whether I get sick or any diagnosis made, its up to me to get well and stay well, and be able to live here, get a job, finish my PHP, make friends with permission, and I would consider my success everyones success and Brady included, even if I have to literally visit the victims of a mass shooting and introduce myself, I would never be anywhere I could not help, and I wouldn’t show up, without the ability to not allow my health or anyones health to worsen reading, or let anything happen, in treatment or not, just know whether Im writing everyday or taking a break, in the end it matters less if the work Im doing is real appreciated viewed as intelligent, diagnosis says its not, therefore prevention is in words by me that work, so long as I don’t offend anyone, don’t offend a shooter, don’t provoke a shooter, don’t speak to traumas, write to courts and things get better maybe even if I get sick and Im not better, and life isn’t perfect, life goes on without me, but Im sure that what is missed in my absence can be written within the days I return and Im sure there is nothing waiting on me to perform in order for any better reality to be created for everyone with prevention in mind.

Reference (photo):

https://images.app.goo.gl/iW3MLUG9yQYEsrS96