Each year will be different, and I’m sure it’s not just me asking myself this. With mental health there are good years and bad years, and mostly you are just learning about yourself in the process. I would say that any moment that illness is prolonged is simply about not having a system down that’s working for you, and also not going against a system that is made for you to get well, such as sobriety and taking meds as directed, there are certain “compliance” issues and changes that occur sometimes getting more strict, depending on your diagnosis. Just as much as others don’t want you to get sick again, you being you also can’t afford to get sick again and end up in the hospital. I’ve never stayed sick long, because I get treated and when not feeling well go to the hospital, or get help and talk about it. Recently Ive found myself talking about mental health in a way that I end up not feeling good, it’s not that it’s a long story to tell and don’t have the patience, it’s just working on saying what I need to say to explain things well enough that I’m not blamed for anything, and not get suicidal in the process of what it feels like to get voices, who think you are guilty or think that there is something wrong with you to justify why anyone should not like you or give you are hard time. I don’t think it’s my job to be anyone in life not liked, I would really consider what being alive is for if anyone has a problem with you. I think I got through the tough periods with everyone on the blog, only recently faced with the disappointment that drinking or dating has placed on my reputation or what others think of my health, and for those things to not have worked out for me, mental health wise. There really is not excuse for going out or being out and around people other than to be well, I don’t think anyone goes out fragile or to get hurt or get sick, if I were not doing well then I would not have gone out to be around people or dated, and it was because I was doing well that I was able to be around people, but now its back to working on myself. I was known to have attended IOP and been complimented on my recovery, and maybe that was then and expected now, but I think Ive seen some improvements and also having to endure some changes financially and housing wise, learn how to take care of myself and what that will look like for me one day, get started. I don’t think that Im suicidal or giving up or selfish, I hate that self harm has become something about me humiliating and embarrassing, especially when I was known for being even tempered and chill growing up, I’m not someone who has anger issues or frustrations, I got to live my dream and attend law school date and almost get married, and created a beautiful blogging career unpaid that makes me feel successful and is something that Im proud of. I just want to get well and stay well, right now I’m struggling with being prescribed meds that Im not judged for as hurting me, or causing me schizophrenia, and to not not be prescribed meds based on a belief that I have some condition of “voices” and disorganization that makes me offensive or inapprorpriate, and I don’t think that being off day meds, is going to help with keeping up with life and all the expectations of me, I think underperforming, and doing less in life, would be more disappointing, including not working. I think I made a solid effort to again, experiment with changes, and I no longer think its appropriate to punish myself, and use medications as a “sobriety” thing or call day meds “using” or “addiction,” I think it’s a learning disability and it’s a necessity to take meds to help me function in life.
Reference:
“Work on Yourself” (article suggestion): https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-work-on-yourself
lesliefischman.com 
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