TO:                  US SUPREME COURT

FROM:            LESLIE A. FISCHMAN

DATE:             November 14, 2022

SUBJECT:       Blog/Website Update and Online Identity

Dear #scotus:

I am writing you from a better place in life, I know it’s been a few years since you last saw me, and many months since I last called, but I am finally in a place in life where I am living life again. I just wanted to share with you the progress that I have been able to make this year in life, and what I have planned for myself in the future, what types of goals I’m setting and jobs I’m applying for.

I learned a lot over the past 4 years, mostly when it comes to privacy and writing, and am still learning the significance of talking to people in private whether that be on messenger or Instagram, and aware of how that has gotten me in trouble in the past. I think the more public you become the more vulnerable you become, and that is just one fact of life to keep in mind. I am also now aware that overtime if you talk to someone in private, upon getting closer to someone as a human being feelings can occur, and a different kind of attraction can develop between you as the speaker to whom you are confiding in. These are things I don’t already know about myself, but will eventually learn to maintain a healthy distance from people I do not plan on engaging with in an uncomfortable or intimate way. I am learning through photography, vlogging, and writing how to open myself up to people in a way that is approachable, in a comfortable way, allow others to be intimate with me, study me, look at me, question me, read me, and get to know me as a human being, that takes guts.

Recently I have been diagnosed with “schizophrenia” this is the first time I have been diagnosed with the disorder, and was not sure for what reason. I think it is because I get voices, hear people trying to talk to me, which I’m sure is because of the blogging and talking to thousands of people at a time reading my writing and hearing feedback sometimes. Or could be from the pressure of speaking to a lot of people, anticipating with nervousness, what is expected of me, and then feeling like Im responding to that nervous energy, then come across as sounding too strong or defensive. Because I disclosed what the voices were saying, which was usually just hearing a group of people talking to each other about me, like I was a research subject that they were investigating going through my computer and my phone, trying to guess what Im going to say, or read into what Im saying and questioning what I am talking about and why, and thinking its for a specific reason, or a specific piece of information, that they have found in my computer or phone, related to that. 

I understand that schizophrenia, is talking to myself, so I’m glad that I became a writer. I realize that schizophrenia is announcing who my best friend in life was and mentioning her Dad OJ. I realize that schizophrenia is calling the police or courts to talk about life, and to get permissions to do things in life, or to run ideas past them to see what they have to say or to hear what they think. I realize schizophrenia is to analyze the timeline of the fires in relationship to what I am doing in my life, what I look like, what voices I am hearing, what is controlling, me or voices and whether if voices are controlling me, if considered “command hallucinations” was told by the police that that would be something to report to them, if I hear any voices bossing me around, which because I disclosed what the police said to me, that voices then felt entitled to treating me that way as delusional. I recognize that schizophrenia is hitting my head or self-harming in the event that I get voices and telling them to “shut up” or “leave me alone” if that’s not working that hitting my head is not the solution to get voices to stop bothering me and harassing me, heckling me, or putting me down. I recognize that voices can be people from your life who you no longer talk to who feel entitled to go through your things and treat you poorly because they think that you speak poor of others and don’t. It is when people don’t want to take responsibility for hurting you in life or teaming up on you in life, is what causes me to hear voices, as though they are people siding with them. I recognize that schizophrenia is being told you are something that you are not so that you feel like you are something bad, so that you feel bad and don’t feel good about yourself. I see schizophrenia as a diagnoses you give to people to tell them or treat them like they carry negative thoughts or have negative views on life, so that they are not heard or listened to and ignored. I see schizophrenia as an excuse to tell me to go to the hospital whenever someone is unhappy with me or worried about me, and is assuming the worst, then to make themselves feel better attack me, or what Im thinking or doing in life as having problems that affect them, punish me house me in a hospital so that I am away from society or people, so that people nervous by me feel better. I get that to be told you are schizophrenic you are viewed as the problem, someone who does not make sense, and told you have a blood disorder or disease that cannot be cured to explain why your mind hurts or doesn’t work, to convince you that you are disabled and cannot work or think right. I recognize schizophrenia is a disease they tell you you have so that people are combative toward you, try to correct you or change you, so that people don’t believe you, and so that people stay away from you. I see schizophrenia is a disease they tell you you have, so if you disclose, people feel better about themselves, and that’s to make you feel less than, so that you become dependent on others.

I think that “schizophrenia” is an excuse to blame me if things are not going right and prevents me from having the opportunity to make things better. I think when I’m blogging and when I put the effort into speaking to everyone, things get better, more stable, and less of a headache to most people to simply hear from me and what I have to say. I think “schizophrenia” is a political theory that is being practiced on me, to condemn me, as though I am not myself, to say that my direct influences in life are unimportant or just for story, when they were significant interactions that changed me and motivated me to want to help others and build a blog and platform to speak. I think “schizophrenia” is an excuse to make fun of me as though the MLK Memorial or Barack Obama Foundation does not support people like me who grew up on Rockingham to speak or to hold political positions in life as a 37 year old online and writer on a website made by me. I think that schizophrenia is to not view me as a human being and to insult the way I speak by telling me that Im stupid and that Im not smart because I did not go to a fancy University, treat me as though I am someone who messed up in life, has a low IQ, and can’t figure out what’s wrong with me, so by telling me there is something wrong with me, that’s because they think Im combative or think that there is something wrong with other people, who I don’t judge and don’t look at or stare or study. 

I think the lawsuit, the defamation website, and the new diagnosis of schizophrenia seeks to reinforce the idea that people are allowed to be angry at me, by telling me there is a disease in my blood stream that’s genetic to explain for people lashing out on me, as though to accept that a person who they perceive is well that its okay for them to be angry at me and to tell me that there is something genetically wrong with me, to get people to stay away from me, and wrongfully accuse me in advance of passing a disease or disorder of the mind to another human being upon being a writer, and pretend like they don’t know who “Brady Campaign” is and don’t see that as a valid reason to feel sick if things are not working out for them, or if ideas for prevention are not working towards making people feel better and not under attack in life, for those who do support Brady Campaign. 

I recognize that liking Todd Spitzer was inappropriate and to like and fall in love with someone my own age, and to not have sex with a 59 year old even if it feels good, and not to talk to older men online, that is not who is going to help me in life, only make me feel bad about myself, and make me look bad, and make me look cheap, and make people think that I’m trash for talking to someone random online who I do not know in real life, and who does not respect me because I don’t have a fancy job, or fancy friends and pictures, or fancy looking family who is all photogenic like famous people light up in pictures, and to not respect my humanity, but see’s himself as a stronger human. I recognize that Todd cannot help me, he cannot represent me, and in real life he does not want me to contact him, I am assuming he sees me as “faulty” “unreal” “criminal” “loses lawsuits” or “connected to OJ” and therefore does not see me as “intelligent” “pretty” or an “advocate” and because he is married thinks that being nice to me is not deserved so he is mean to me in real life, and because I don’t have very many female friends sees me as “gay” or “jealous” and because obese and my face structure was changed by Invega injections monthly saw me as “fraud” not a real person with a high self-esteem and attractive in real life instead was viewed as a “threat” someone who is not stable who has anger or “false claims” and views me as infringing upon his peace because he does not see my life as peaceful, and does not respect my blog as supportive, sees me as “not real” or interested in him as a politician “not someone who is advising him” and he does not see me as “good luck” because of the defamation he suffered is blaming me for like that’s a pattern to people who I admire, to be viewed as bad, well I am not the bad in common and I can sue those people. 

I love the people in my life, I do not have a problem with anyone. I am entitled to sharing how I was hurt and what went through my mind, and how I was changed and made to not feel good about myself. I will share as I please that I am not gay, and that doing oneself is not gay, it’s to prevent the spread of disease to my head and to my body, not get played as “just for sex” in real life, and that I am not a human body to boost the confidence of men to feel good about themselves, but that I also deserve to feel good about myself, and would rather people boost themselves off my blog in real life. 

So I hope that everyone is doing well, it’s been shocking to receive this diagnosis, I am off Invega for now, was told Abilify is a substitute, and am taking Geodone, so I take a substitute for Abilify injections for now, I would need to find a new doctor to manage the injections, and have not had the funds to accomplish that yet, and the last Psychiatrist was very expensive, who then dropped me as a patient because I missed an appointment with a job, while working was busy, and my phone did not alert me, it was marked in my phone, but was too busy to check my own personal calendar. I am compliant with the meds, I am doing my best to stay well and to continue to make progress and apply for jobs and be apart of. I don’t wish to live a life abused and at home terrorized and threatened by emails as though I have done something wrong or am doing anything wrong I think I am nice to everyone, if I am not allowed to talk to someone, they have to just respect that I am not allowed to talk to them. If someone is not in a position to help me publicly, then that I have to respect that Todd Spitzer cannot fix my reputation, but I can fix his, and no one can help me. That is why I am writing you all letters from here forward, so that it is clear what is real, or not real.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, I appreciate your time and attention to this discussion, and hope to continue to improve how I speak and carry myself online, in front of others. 

Sincerely,

Leslie A. Fischman