Sometimes we see the big picture too late. Right now is one of those times when it’s better for me to figure out life on my own and focus on my blog content and go back to work than it is to pretend as a blogger I’m always loved (for not being contacted no mean comments) or be confused as someone helpful online who is pretending or performing to be a personality devoid of pain intolerance confusion sickness adversity or threat. I’m sure we all consider our own freedoms and comfort as a time like this. So this is how life works out well when the topic gets more serious the more alone I need to be to work hard and figure out what is the solution and the less others need to be equipped to address trauma or dangerous subjects certainly not after a fight or a misunderstood form of communication of acceptances for someone be misunderstood as using OJ or the press media and creation of content in a way that subjects my identity to being ruined or given a record or lawsuits to continue in a pattern of creating adverse reactions to me highlighting instances of reaction to create a belief of there being something wrong with me.
As far as I’m concerned what’s difficult and hard to accept about me why I choose to be alone and not date is because of what this person did to me online, the new diagnosis, reporting what voices are like, should and will soon be a subject that no one needs to read up on when the goal of lawsuit or bullying is create a team anyone seeks to reject me from (#teamUSA) is not what socialization or coupling is for to be used against me or create characters that then can be used to deflate my importance or intelligence confuse me for what’s gone wrong for me compared to what’s gone wrong over the last 10 years, beginning 2012 (Aurora).
It seems the more I improve and recover the more issues come up for me in what way have I ever suffered or been sick recognized or helped anyone of power and in what ways has being known become a tool for making fun of me or pretending my audience has any firmer grasp on what’s to come what to believe or how to interpret life and others.
Sometimes I feel like being alone is best to prevent voices in case it’s unclear who supports me or what team I’m on means to do more writing alone and create more formal submissions to States and Organizations without interference from connecting with anyone with the capability to turn on me as though my disability weighs on them or some guilt or secret weighs on anyone or my audience for hurting me disliking me or voices I think I’m strong enough to prevent schizophrenia and maybe just have to accept what happened to me turns out to be subjects ignored that no one talks to me about or brushes off as not being a big deal and for continued experimentation with my story health or by use of anyone from my life or any post or audience be confused as to whether if I’m hurt who else hurts or if I suffer who else does and suddenly confuse my condition as something known affecting others.
It’s my belief not based on any religion that what happens for me happens for who is reading just like reading and writing either makes sense (innocent or guilty) it’s what’s the purpose for disgust or dislike I think lawsuit and bullying terms are ways to hurt me (takes away from my blog and is a waste of time to discuss things that make me sound sick not smart) including obesity or being off meds to compare me or waste years in treatment accuse me of being jealous and forgetting what ways I’ve paved for others.
I think the more interested people are in what differentiates me or what is teamwork I don’t think voices can be solved if you think I’m being watched stopped or harassed by the government or US Supreme Court or think that website altered is by the Government or hackers more skilled at reading interpretation law and blogging than me. I don’t think anyone working with a finished product is doing any work mentally to believe me or not trust me turn on me reject me.
I think I’m alive and going to live long (see a doctor do my best to catch things on time like everyone else managing their own lives and bodies) and not losing in life it’s a sad subject of the senses how people can tell your worth or looks or what your capable of not seeing you or hearing from you or not knowing you and there’s a 2% chance I’m known as Sydney Simpson’s best friend and for that to not be enough to recognize me as famous or witness the world working better with me in it risk putting me to sleep to watch life happen without me writing online and it shouldn’t take a blogging break or upsetting discussion while struggling with symptoms to win or lose respect on the basis of what’s being wrongfully alleged and wrongfully diagnosed as.
I think so long as you see someone as guilty you don’t think they deserve to love you consider their suicide as though I’m unaccepting of everyone being rich and better than me not recognize obesity as extremely upsetting (after losing 50 lbs twice) and causes a heart condition.
It’s not the solution in my mind to lose in life and let everyone win while excluding me then call suicide selfish or any death a recipe for prosecuting who’s known or loved or determine what’s at odds.
If the experimentation you focus on is causes for death then thinking that looking at me can affect where I end up or how I feel (it can).
If the focus is on negative terms then I won’t get to be happy be loved be myself and refuse to end up changed to make bad terms feel good is not the solution.
Therefore it’s my goal to stay healthy happy and alive and do my best to continue writing based on what I think is helpful without sacrificing the belief in talent celebrity wellness beauty and life is definitely not because of me or a reflection of who you think is guilty.
As far as I’m concerned blog success and 17 million means reached people in a way knowing me helped them attracted attention. Meaning I keep people alive. If you call me guilty or harassment you’re accusing me of being hurtful or sick an unwanted person to know or piece of others lives (maybe the stories of how I’ve suffered or been hurt are unwanted clearly that’s not how to attract an audience to not be recovered in positive spirits) and that’s the current debate and do not believe I need voices and refuse to discuss self harm voices schizophrenia or suicide here forward (or write a book in private and publish it professionally) as a result of being punished for my openness and shamed as fit and skinny. I’m living long! Whether you fuck me over or not! Suicide is not the correct response I get the big picture now. Making fun of my medical history and calling me something worse. I refuse to talk to anyone until all my complaints are written and fed ex to US Supreme Court they deserve more than descriptions of voices or punishing my head. And adding CIA phone number to my phone now and call every time I get voices. #stopbullying
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