I don’t have to defend offenders or political figures like Trump or Kanye, or any other figure accused of racism, on the basis that those are not my issues, nor does a kilt have anything to do with my speech or my feelings or how I was made to feel or for what reasons. I don’t deserve to be hurt, and I don’t deserve to be lied to or made fun of in public, I don’t shame anyone, I don’t ridicule or insult people, and I don’t make people feel bad about themselves. People in my life feel important, feel loved, and feel valued, I don’t devalue people I’m not an offender. I don’t drink I don’t do drugs, I don’t need rehab, and I don’t need to be put on the hospital in that this is the most recovered Ive been in my whole life functioning, that it’s not necessary to test or discredit a diagnosis of schizophrenia on the basis of my performance as a writer, or my physical health, either accept the diagnosis or ignore the positive result of being better, there is no recipe for mental illness, it was my fault for talking about life, that whatever happens to me happens to me based on what people think about my story and that’s my continued suffering and those are experiences in life in which I will suffer in the event that it occurs and that’s my experience my feelings and my education and my life. Whats not a joke are what things to be light hearted about what to admire about history and to think twice about, refrain from commentary, or pursue on your own basis of feelings reasons for attacking the credibility of a person. It’s not what he thinks, its my life, its my body, its my mind, and its my education. I was not afforded the opportunity to gain valuable work experience due to alcohol and being hospitalized, that’s not my fault, the basis for which Im disrespected in life, is not my fault by what connections I am devalued or anyone becomes angered by me, its my life, and my body and my brain, does not deserve to be hurt by the mind body or energy or any other person in life for any basis. No matter how I have talked about what occurred to me, that’s not the joke, the joke is that I should not continue to suffer because of who has harmed me that’s again not my fault. How can you expect for a life to be picture perfect and going well, when you do not pay me, when I cannot afford life, when you are making fun of my diagnosis, and when I am not allowed to work and be apart of, that’s a problem, and its not my fault if I get voices and voices don’t have the right to keep me home, disabled me or expect for me to live a life online writing, unpaid, and be at risk of harm, and not be protected not be defended and not be attacked, a certificate at MIT is appropriate, although I have never blamed tech for any way in which I have suffered in life, its not consequential of anything that I do in my computers or a consequence of any photos I have taken my life has never been an upset or followed to the extent that things have not worked out for me or others, I never had schizophrenia and I never had voices. I have not lived life yet free of harm and harassment and voices since 2017 and I don’t deserve that treatment, not by a line of cocaine or three beers, that’s not the cause of my suffering, it will be how the suffering is caused and for what reasons, will be my pain and suffering, and it should also not be because of who I love, or what I have said about who I have loved, if there weren’t in my life and people I have loved, then it wouldn’t exist that anyone would want to know what caused those losses in relationships, when things are not going well for you in life, relationships do not continue, and there is not strategy for having things going well for you in life to be able to date and be social and have a life, there is not solution, not even having a job, it’s a willingness to want to have a life that life continues for you and for others who so choose to be in you life and get to talk to you. I don’t have the energy to acquire any more labels than is necessary to stay alive and be human, that’s not a joke, its not a joke to lose love that’s painful, its not a joke to be replaced that’s not funny, and its not a joke to be made fun of for who you are or what you are about, and love is also not a joke, love is intended to be shared between people who respect and admire eachother and don’t get sick by eahcother and also don’t have a problem with one another, love does not get angry, love does not fight, love is not possessive, and love is not bothered by people, and in order for love to occur as I have described is when you are at peace with another, that is my memory of what love is like, so if that’s an experience that you share when you are able to share love with others, that should be a reminder of what there is to love people for and to love again, and if you have disability those opportunities do not later exist for you, it will be hard to try, to date, to photo, and to hook up, and if you have disability it is not a journey that is taught to you how it occurs, you have to be in the right place in life to be available for love and to give love, and with mental health issues its hard to be in a monogamous relationship when you don’t have a job and are not independent, and no one understands the value of your blog and how special and professional you are, not even voices. Voices is not a “hell” that anyone has the right to create overhead over a person who matches with older men, that’s not hell, nor is schizophrenia, “hell” is a condition that is caused to a person, to treat them as though they have done something wrong, and that’s not my fault, nor can a condition of “hell” occur in an exchange by sex, friendship, or hospital, ultimately how you recover from “bullying, voices, torture” is to apply to the actual CIA and apply for a partnership that’s the next best solution, for hacking. The problem with sharing your beliefs is that if you have disability they cause disability to you over and over again and think that they know you, and its when you get sick, and are not believed, they think you belong in a hospital, and I don’t need to relive the condition, and keep getting sick, having love taken away from me, my life ruined, given a hard time, or made to fail so that I cannot work or go to tech school, and no future achievement is intended to make anyone feel bad or look wrong, therefore I should not be made to feel bad or look wrong in the event that I recover, that should something people should support.

Shouting is on the basis that Im made to suffer and be threatened and told I cannot talk to 1 person, if that’s the only person I talk to in life, I don’t deserve to be cut off from all resources in life to be helped or to talk to others, that’s undeserved, and I don’t deserve to be excommunicated on any basis based on anyojne else, from any case, or anything that anyone has said is not code for solution or what is happening, no one outside of me can tell me what is happening or what is reality, Im not schizophrenic in the sense that I attack others, Im schiziophrenic in the sense that Im intimidated shouted at and told no and told not to do things and that is on the basis of who I am race, religion, location, face, and body, and what people think when people think you’ve done wrong they attack you and cause you pain and suffering so that you get sick end up in a hospital and that’s how that treatment of you continue they keep saying things and keep ignoring you and causing you sickness, I on the other hand speak, I don’t help and ignore and reject and claim victim on the basis of my sexuality is no ones business its not Todd’s business, its not the public’s business, and its no woman or man’s business what my sexuality is or what my sexuality is based on is not, kids, is not power, is not money, and is not politics, it will be based on when I am well who wants to be around me and who I am loved by, voices is a permanent condition or torturing a person on the basis of what they look like a disfigurement occurring by the medication Invega, so while I may not matter fat ands ugly, I know how Im supposed to look, and if the condition of how I appear is intolerable and I am bullied get voices, that’s not deserved, whats scary is how much people get away with hurting you and think that makes you stronger, youre lucky Im alive, and was hospitalized and figured myself out in life, most people don’t, most people die and suffer alone, therefore what happened to me should not happen to any other human being, life is not easy you don’t need to see my struggle, I don’t have to write speeches or tell my story and I don’t need anyone to believe me read me or be influenced by me to respect myself and respect others, and the last thing I need is to be insulted and told things untrue and for people who have hurt me to be defended, and excused like that will bring them happiness, no one controls everyone, not me, not anyone, not #scotus.

05-12-23