Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own thoughts, that even I am guilty of losing touch with reality. According to gillian-sarah.com, when wrapped up in our own thoughts, “it might be a really good idea to look into ways of breaking the cycle of rumination — whether that means taking up a calm meditation practice or going for a run.” [1]

As a person in recovery, I’ve been spending time reading the book “Understanding Addiction: Know Science, No Stigma” by Dr. Chuck Smith & Dr. Jason Hunt, and in one chapter they discuss the pitfalls of returning back to life after treatment, and I suppose I’m in that phase of the recovery process. He describes the mind of an addict or alcoholic as having a “damaged dopamine reward system,” and that it’s not that simple to just walk out of a facility and feel “cured.”  We need everything we can all the “water and nutrients” to thrive again healthy and vibrant like a plant. Stating that although treatment is a great short-term solution, we may still be in need of some longer-term solutions for coping, especially when thrust back into such “harsh environments,” as being detailed in the daily and local news, that can’t not be triggering for most people to see and witness ongoing, some of us with jobs, some not even watching the news, you know they don’t even recommend watching the news if you are in treatment for a mental health issue, we actually aren’t allowed to. Most days are spent watching Ted Talks, and listening to meditation tapes.

I just read an article on medium.com about tangled thoughts, in which a blogger explains one solution for dealing with being so wrapped up in our own thoughts is to “figure that the best way to deal with these mental knots, was to never allow them to get tied in the first place.” [2]

I know that recovery is not easy, and wish that I still had those 7 months sober, or those 2 years sober to sit with you here today to tell you that its going to be okay, but starting over, maybe one day I will be able to have the experience of being a sponsor, beside being a blogger or studying life coaching, and be able to take people through the steps in life. First I have to take myself through the steps. Part of step one is admitting that we have a problem, so the admission of relapse, followed by the shame or embarrassment of starting over will go away with AA meeting attendance, then there is composing a writing that explains everything that has happened as of recently that has brought me to that point of relapse and everything that went wrong during that time that I did not stay sober and relapse. And no matter how difficult it is to grapple with the fact that we are not always truly at our best with substances in moderation, I am obviously guilty of relapsing and for all the problems that it has caused for me in terms of my mental health as of recently, ending up in the ER etc, it’s even led me to self-harm a few times, and you know I don’t want to go back down that road when Im not in control of my emotions or thinking. As a writer I pride myself in being able to communicate and not sure if you have noticed sudden changes in my temperament, but Im sure its equally as shocking to see my writing change from normal to caps lock, and Im sorry for drinking, and for sounding that way, and hope to do my best here forward to be stable and remain sober.

Reference:

[1] https://gillian-sarah.com/why-being-overly-wrapped-up-in-your-thoughts-might-ruin-your-day/

[2] https://medium.com/illumination/when-our-thoughts-are-tangled-8367ba9a46d7