Fighting toxicity, is more about your own reactions and remembering to focus on yourself no matter how toxic another person acts toward you. Recently have been doing my best to submit statements and be open about what I’m going through personally, or in private, and how I am able to move forward and speak in a way to which all sides are represented. When after all that hard work and effort, should I be faced with more toxicity in addition to the already challenge of overcome symptoms or incurred illness in the face of toxicity. I wonder why today should I wind up being threatened again, and think hard about how I should deal with it. Not be changed, not be affected, and not get sick. You can’t help but wonder for how long should this last, and think what have I ever done in life or said to be deserving of such poor treatment or commentary directed toward me. When someone offends you its an incredibly toxic experience, it makes you feel sick, you get a headache, you feel nauseous, and it affects your thinking not to mention your peace. When someone offends you it changes it your entire day from being about something else, to wind up being about them. And to me I think this is what people who are toxic toward you want, they want you to feel sick, they don’t want you to feel good, because they think they are entitled to making you feel sick, or be scared in the face of them, nothing is owed to someone who insults you and behaves and speaks offensive toward you, you don’t owe them anything. When someone tries to blame you for their ill feelings toward you, that’s not your fault, and you are not responsible for taking care of that person or making that person feel better, they are not your responsibility.

Personal Update: I’m still being attacked by that ex-pen pal, who I’ve told several times I need to focus on my health, or if dating someone that I have a boyfriend, or focused on working a paid job, or in the event I am not feeling well speak to police or go to the hospital. In all the ways I have accommodated this person or accepted their apologies, enough is enough, at some point I don’t have the energy and stamina, to keep up with this person, respond to all his texts. Ive told him I need to be alone, Im working on myself, Ive told this person Im not interested in modeling and refuse to, and Ive told this person I dont want a relationship and he simply doesnt listen. And as much as this person only wants to remember the positive, or the moments his is supportive its simply not worth all these moments, undeserved for being busy and not having the time to talk to him every morning and every night, I just dont think he understands what space is for or what that means for my health or his health, if he would just listen he would spare himself a lot of time and energy invested in bothering me in private and just respect that Im a writer and a blogger, and to enjoy hearing from me like everyone else in public, and that I dont have the stamina for one-on-one conversation right now, or fighting.