I once suggested writing a post to explain where voices are coming from. Voices neglect to hear the truth in overcoming something traumatizing humiliated online and still getting a job and being there for my Father while he was dying, and also handling Investigators coming to my home giving me a hard time for meeting Todd Spitzer after I was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

So Im okay with being alone for however long it takes to not establish a pattern of me being hurt or of someone hurting me to say that Im wrong or to teach me that Im wrong.

I think if you are a good woman and attractive and someone sees you and values you that’s great, but never anything I didn’t have to work hard for and earn and work out and lose weight and take good care of my health and my face. I was lucky to not have aged fast, because I was sober, beginning in college, with only a few years of drinking, but for the most part never a drinker, so of course now is not a good time to start if Im going through something, or some limit has been reached, or some prompt of upset following voices.

You know if its something I have to live with for the rest of my life, my wish was to not have voices anymore why Im working so hard online to prevent voices, and also to accept what voices mean to me and others, they don’t think that I deserve peace, are offending me accusing me of being offensive, using a diagnosis likes or dislikes to devalue me or make up some worse life or future they consider me not having experienced the effects of punishment, or where that takes you in life, to not be able to live life and recover and do things, and to have to push yourself and talk sense into yourself to believe in yourself again.

There are bottoms you are placed in life, such as lawsuit, or bottoms due to drinking or drug use, and now bottoms by words you choose to express, and I think if you keep bottoming out like me, that’s to determine from where do you rise and by what means however it is earned, and I think sometimes you are pushed way below bottoms in life, or the use of medical records or ideas about how suicide happen get experimented on me, by blaming me, humiliating me, outing me based on sexuality, exposing me, not care about a heart condition, create conditions for heart attack, say things that aren’t true, say things hurtful to me or to others, and for voices to represent this constant interpretation of me being something other than the way I look or am, and to not suffer by changes to my face or body to illustrate how I was offended by whom compare my face to an old man who has offended me losing his face, what can explain for that differentiation in health, or determine who is protected or not protected from harm in life, and whats considered by sex, your face, of course not, who you are is represented by who you are on the inside comes out.

So its wrong to use auditory delusion to put something negative in me to accuse me of being raped of having component parts of anything or anyone bad inside me, that you seek to say come out of me and are visualized on my face, is a wrongful use of my body to determine whether I am human or not.

There is not stopping point, once (1) negative judgment of you will always want you to stop (2) if Im not feeling well I cannot stop until I say enough so that I am not harmed and the emergency is (3) who is worried or not helped in the process of me getting voices or being blamed or treated as guilty. Know that when you treat me as (4) guilty, you will not be happy when Im well you will not be happy if I work you will not be happy if I date and you will not be happy if I lose weight or look pretty or become successful or be paid, by because you are standing in the shoes of him (5) accusing me of being masturbated to or hurtful or having poor social or sexual graces accuse me of being inexperienced or experienced or hurtful or call me schizophrenic and label me offensive so that I cannot work date, or live life and that’s texting suicide, who am I when covered in labels, and figure out why am I dying or why am I sick, and that’s for me to decide how far down Im put in life until I die, or how many voices does it take to hurt my feelings before I die, and under what conditions in the news should determine when I should die, and what needs to be about me dying or committing suicide that is supposed to communicate others stopping limits, or knowledge or reinforce fears, I think the more you put someone down like me you will not understand me and you will be convinced like the judge is doing to accuse me of being hurtful or not deserving of love, and I think the more you victimize me and accuse me of being less than the more a Judge reinforces the value of a man the more if I don’t work or earn a wage they consider characterizing me as gross or fat and ugly or suicidal accuse me of being guilty, and accuse me of having offended or hurt someone who masturbated to me, and continue to use as example, someones anger toward me as communicating between men how to treat me and how to treat me in the future listening to one another while making me look, bad and that’s how a woman gets played when the men agree who side with lawsuits, then accuse me of not having comprehension of what I did wrong or what went wrong then talking to that person, and as far as I can say, its never been a good time for me to go to therapy, its never been a good time for me to date, and if Im not feeling well, that shouldn’t bother anyone, it just means Im being put down in life, to see if I live or die to determine my value or my guilt, and for no one to care if I commit suicide to think that means something is my fault. Its all a game once I don’t feel good, it just means you don’t believe my words, and your focused on them. When your focused on them and you don’t believe me, then you wont care if I commit suicide and you will not think that that is your fault, because voices don’t exist, and it’s a continued way of making me look bad and get misdiagnosed and is how I am harmed in a way not deserved.