Maybe its my mistake to submit forms or complain past not doing well in life, doesn’t really show why I should complain if I improved and have photos and proof of that recovered wellness. Im sorry I don’t take before photos, and hesitantly took photos when I noticed changes to my face, is unclear if because of meds, or self-harm, what’s in part my fault, Im assuming both case scenarios to explain disfigured neck or face. Let’s be clear on one thing first, I am someone who maybe was hospitalized a lot, or took too long to graduate, or reconnect with friends, and loved ones, but not someone who is not appreciative of finding medical care, I have had experiences rejected by doctors refusing to prescribe me and asking for all my medical records, diagnosis or not. I was told by an addiction specialist who I paid close to $500 double for an initial evaluation to be prescribed meds Ive taken for years, who doesn’t know me, who told me “its because you did mountains of cocaine” in college to explain whats wrong with my brain or why he did not believe that stimulants could help given my dual diagnosed bipolar or later schizophrenia which treatment and care for conflicts with prescribing learning disability meds, which have been taken away, I have run out before managing my own meds, but my Mom has been managing my day meds since 2017 or 2018 when I had my old psychiatrist who prescribed me every two weeks, this was to make sure 1 I didn’t take extra, 2 if I ran out would not be prescribed a med privileged to take, and never reluctant to face the issue of addiction or sobriety, is something I have experienced and was treated for, and recovered from was able to attend law school twice, and test well, so to me that was a miracle a sign that I was still able and able to accomplish things like good grades that I worked hard for, studied hard, and wasn’t sure how I well I did or even thought to compare myself to others. I was listed as 3^rd in my class on my transcript after taking my first course, I got a B. Handwritten exam.

If I haven’t said it enough a clear solution for these managed difficulties, is not to be forgetful of what others said, or now suddenly reconsider others as hurtful as offensive, as a person who is successful and communicates with the government, its for me to protect them, its not for me to blame who helps me, in the event I struggle again, what Im learning is that I can figure out why Im struggling by focusing on myself, and that’s helpful, because it prevents being viewed as someone who is helped or complains, it’s a privilege, not unlike right now, especially during the adderrall shortage, many are without medications, so I consider my hardwork finding a pharmacy and being trusted to take meds as prescribed should put my mind to good use, help others, not continue to face the criticism of addiction, I think love is an openness you never expect to get hurt, and rare moments when you can be yourself. The solution is to improve and for everyone to be happy with you, and not have to mention phases or disfigurement, Im someone who just improves and tries to fix the problem, if its weight, or my body, or my smarts, or my reputation, or employability, voices, or bullying, or self-harm, self-care isn’t about looking good its about having a system that works for you, and in addition to meds, prove is key to you staying well being able to take care of yourself. I think its too late to discuss before photos, just pray for improvement, I think the key takaway is that I underwent treatment for schizophrenia, and improved, and no one knows why Im complaining, and to not be too particular about changes in care, or what I was like and what I worked on “voices.” It hurts me to think that you can turn into someone that no one can help and for people to give up on you, I think I kept going, and it was hard to not listen or do everything asked of me, just to break even in terms of whats resting on my conscious versus whats suggested to me, based on knowing me. Life challenging, but let’s focus on the social and medical difficulties as learning lessons, yes there was probably something wrong with me, my public presence, story, or character as priority or not, and maybe its in how we handle rejections, or poor evaluations of us, that teach us about what its like to live with something wrong with you you cant fix, and let that be the lesson looking stupid. I don’t think it’s a doctors job to tell me whats wrong with me, or my medical records to conclude on what is exactly wrong with me then compared to now, I don’t see improvement as scott free of difficulty or ever not state that my wellness is temporary so I try to get as much done as possible on a good day knowing that I don’t stay well, turned into getting well, not staying well, and for me to be sick, and everyone else is over it, and did their best, isn’t responsible for me, has done their part, and whatever it communicates it communicates, but this was a lesson on someone calling me something that I studied online as offensive and hurtful, however instead the focus is on ways to accept the term schizophrenia, forget my difficulty and openness about it, isn’t how Im explaining whats wrong with me now, or accusing who diagnosed me as mean spirited or not top flight, top notch, and experienced medical professionals, who I improved with under their care. Maybe the lesson in getting hurt or sick again, is about who helps you didn’t hurt you, and to make sure when apart I don’t make the mistake of interpreting others as being mean to me, and to continue to continue to stay well, and listen, I think you lose your wellness, if you improve and undergo challenging meds and treatments, conditions, and disability, was shocked when able again. Maybe the lesson in me making the mistake to interpret someone I interacted with as harming me, is being used as an example of accusing me of making a false claim, I don’t think I can survive trying to prove if anyone has hurt me, or sacrifice years of my life at peace working hard, to only focus on what Im doing wrong, or get sick to know something is wrong with me, for there to be no concern about talking to police or going to the ER. When theres no stopping point toward me I wonder. So the solution is to continue to do well, not think too much about a diagnosis as hurtful, however the definition has changed, and removed the hurtful websites, is whatever changed maybe not even because of me, so maybe the lesson is about writing online content that no one is going to read or assume is about them, or be insulted, and Im sure my focus on myself is whats working, and do my best to discontinue to refrain from story or mentions, the solution is everyone is nice to you, no one thinks badly of you, no one nice is convinced to be mad at you, no condition your in convinces anyone that youre not strong or the problem, and do my best to improve. I have made steady improvements compared to criticism of complaints and an ER visit, such as talking to people, attending meetings, allowing others to be in charge of me, being patient, accept that whats wrong with me is difficult for family, to accept whats wrong with me, isn’t about meds or mean something is my fault, and believe I should be proud if I can connect or get a text message, however small those milestones are in life, make sure that Im not complaining, and to accept being ignored, or rejected, or discontinued care, or people giving up on me, or whatever anyone says, not make it about me, and I think once you don’t make things about you, you let people be themselves, and that’s how you should be remembered, not as a woman who is worse compared to who’s cherished, or be made fun of as someone who is overweight or not pretty or not proud of themselves, I think in so many ways you can paint issues of me being separated from everyone in life, and wonder what for, or what jobs taken, or where I lived, all that matters is doing well now.