Let’s think beyond the obvious discomfort following insult. Let’s take into consideration everyone’s feelings at this moment, and be specific about what it takes to be a blogger or potential public figure, if you’re not counting my cloudflare or analytics as sufficient. I think there is question as to the guarantee of wellness coming from me, in anticipation of overwhelming issues, such as being left with work, delegation of tasks, assuming responsibilities, fear of witnessing a crime as it is occurring, curious to know what systems are in place by me for reporting or emailing, and a question of confidence in a system of things being made right again, once things go wrong. I’m sure that we don’t need to blame the news for our fears, although pressing and relevant, we should want to know on a good day, the difference between feeling like things will work out or why things are better such as now, after having continued to blog through difficulty and opinion.

I don’t think I have to defend myself, or fight with voices, or write on X arguments, if the issue is about why to defend myself it will come across as for myself, without stating in more clear terms the risk which would be to not be someone who is fought for (Ive hired an attorney for that), so let’s discuss this theory of being fought for. If I am assumed to be criminal or a bad person, then it will not matter any amount of bullying or setback, as that’s saving you the good person from the risk of viewing me as promised or with potential, so a public viewer doesn’t feel bad for me. If I don’t fight hard for myself to be free and innocent, then I assume the risk of a negative interpretation or terms taking hold on just the way my face appears to you, devalued or not or stupid looking because of something that someone else has said, and what should be evaluated is what type of anger or disturbance should be created if not within me, also assume the risk of it being created in someone else, a bystander, or a non-beneficiary holder or public opinion who maybe did have faith in me or respected me or thought I was smart, how should their importance be calculated, should there be a loss of respect, disclosure, outing, exposure by someone else portraying me as something different than I have portrayed myself willingly.

Let’s first assess whether anger is coming from me. Its been my experience upon being hurt, or exposed, this disables me, and causes me to be sedated or put on meds, functioning less, and having difficulty helping myself or being smart. I think smart is the absence of problems. Like now, versus being in a problem, or stage of mental health issue, that presents as fight that differs from the present reality of someone who is not fighting, or cannot relate, or expected more of me, who’s disappointment matters. I think no matter who you are as a viewer disappointment can occur, if I stay sick, don’t improve, cannot get well, am punished, am bullied, symptomatic, or present in a disorganized way are all the ways that are hard to connect with me, help me, advise me, or figure out what’s wrong with me. So this makes not just the expecting more of me, feel hurt, or a lost battle feared stimulating a crime to occur, is about not interpreting my ups and downs, as purposefully contributing to the onset of violence or a crime, address why anyone would think anyone is fighting for me, they’re not, and that’s been made clear by the predicament I am in.

Most people don’t know what to say, don’t know what’s real, or unlikely to admit how many people heard those terms or are reading my blog, who have decided to not respect me, or think they’re better than me, or be disappointed, or to think my disability, endangers their state of being. I think once anyone is in harms way, that means EVERYONE is in harms way. If you think of the whole spectrum of how long I’ve been a writer, how lucky I was to correspond, and get into politics, I can’t connect with politicians or the government, if I’m not feeling well, or if I’m stuck battling something or words they cannot help me with.

What’s preventable is not placing labels on people labeling them poor citizens, when I always did my best, and have not disappointed anyone, I’ve not let anyone down, my health has not caused anyone to fight for me, I don’t believe that anyone is fighting for me, exactly how many people know me is still unclear. So think about ALL THE PRESIDENT’S AND ALL THE NEWS, when considering what I go through, is no longer a watch party of reactions watching me and watching them, I think that’s how a system of trust made things the most vulnerable, and that’s what happens when you get stuck in a place you cant get out of, or dealing with defending yourself against claims or terms that are untrue about me, so those are the people, who are convinced I’m something shocking not stated, and also all the people who are affected with not having to know me, or be inspired by me, or work alongside me, capable of being hurt, should I get hurt, or not live up to expectation, that’s who gets the most disappointed and hurt.

So focus on the helplessness that one would feel if they were me, and also from the top focus on the helplessness that celebrities and successful people feel who cannot contact me or say they know me, or work with me, or meet me in real life, is how important it is for me to stay well. If I don’t stay well, I can’t blog. I think the solution is for me to prove that I’m independent, not abusing or using anyone at my own discretion, to continue to not date not love, and keep to myself, and focus on my work, continue my education, and prove who I am again, instead of sounding like this person who is abused told things that are untrue or offensive to hurt my head and hurt my health.

No one can help me once I allow myself to experience being injured by commentary, doesn’t demonstrate how me being online, is also aware and cognizant of mentions and how people feel in general about wanting to feel smart, apart of, given solutions, or be a hero. Maybe I can’t make everyone feel better, or help people on an individual basis, but I can guarantee and promise that I will never hurt anyone, I will never use anyone, I will never befriend anyone, I will never take advantage of anyone, I will never waste good work or money, I will not gamble with my success, I will defend my freedoms accordingly, I will accept when people think poorly of me, I can accept the consequences of disappointment, relapse or alcohol and how that turns people against me, and do my best not to be someone who is given trust or respect, and have it be taken away by symptoms or terms. Do my best to earn the privilege of being a writer, and speaking my mind, without provoking or calling attention to myself, let alone words again, and be hurt by same impossibilities of things getting worse and not better. Not allow my symptoms, or medical records to dictate to others as a timeline, of whats going to work out or not work out, and do my job to stay well and not get hurt and if I get hurt take responsibility for why Im hurt, or whats causing that hurt, and be alone, until its fixed.