Chapter:

I wouldn’t have written this book had I not underwent treatment for these disorders or have been previously diagnosed by such terms however insulting or harsh judgment to accept of myself being called something I did not believe I was or have exhibited those kinds of traits in life or inappropriate thinking I was a law student a great logical thinking and sociology major with a passion for research and writing. I will always wonder why for what reasons and what did I say to any medical professional or person that made them think that way of me.

In order to do anything amazing with your life you have to stay grounded. Sometimes our ideals dreams and outlook gets challenged by words mischaracterizing our own dreams and aspirations as delusion, when I hear delusion I hear isn’t going to happen thinks is going to happen for them but is not happening will never happen for them is a thought that’s untrue based on an assessment of a persons abilities fathomable and that hurts to not be able to set goals like law school if publishing a book and not be believed or told you can’t do things in life as though it’s not possible for you to do things in life you thought you could do. And maybe that’s how meds challenge you in life taking away from you ability to have energy focus or be driven goal oriented it can be a depressing adjustment I don’t think many are equipped to take initially that is supposed to change your life for the better but in adversity may create for more underlying challenges ahead the more opinions of you take their toll on how you see yourself can be incredibly demoralizing and unempoweting to not get to be yourself in all your colors or be free to speak and be however you want to be who’s to say you’re not allowed to have a full range of expression why are only some people allowed to be emotional but some people are not and not forgiven for having expressed grievances in life. It’s as though the more difficulties you face provide some justified excuse to determine you have something severely wrong in life or have not got the big picture of missing an issue you can’t figure out on your own or need help with meds for. Sometimes I feel like meds to people who don’t take meds think it’s about self control choice feelings and thoughts as though we don’t have personal control over ourselves physically and mentally and that’s an incredibly depressing assessment of mental health issues however relevant a lack of control over one’s self I suppose is related to some other pronounced sense of control over things overall and how you fit in nothing the big picture based on what types of attentions you can or cannot handle in life mentally to fathom that kind of unimportance or disrespect related to appearance and how things look to others.

Chapter: Always Be Grateful for the Care Received ….

If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my time in treatment it would be to just listen and trust the care that you’re under for the time being, you should never be in a rush to get well it isn’t instant, be patient with yourself. If you do the work, follow doctors orders, are compliant, show up to all your appointments, and are consistent then there is no reason why you should face any delays in making progress. We all take side steps in life depending on how we are feeling and it’s a huge jump going from not working to working don’t expect instant stability the job in treatment continues to be your job even if you get a job and are allowed to finally work again if you’re lucky.

One of the hardest things about changes in care if to manage a difficulty on your own without complaining that just sets you back in life. You’ll notice that the more you improve and the more positive you are following treatment the more reassuring it is to those from your life who’ve helped you, should not be the ones to blame in the event you do fall of center or need help again. I call that losing wellness when you’ve had good experiences with doctors in your life and for some reason your condition caused you or others to view you in negative judgment I think at that point the goal is to stay well and prove your well. Not lose wellness over disclosing or violate HIPAA discuss what you’ve learned in treatment or conversations you’ve had that can only make you more vulnerable to criticism and subject you to future torment using relationships and interactions past as weapons to judge you in the negative that would be mistaking the past or allowing changes to your mental health spark debate as to your diagnoses or true ailments then compared to now. No one will ever believe how bad things were not unless they see it and watch you go through it again and that’s the risk with HIPAA not being able to heal recover and move on in life it becomes something about you in life that makes others unsure of you. Remind yourself it’s not that you are unpredictable or need to be figured out it’s about not losing your wellness to someone trying to figure you out after you’ve been treated deny you the privilege of being respected or recognized as well. Sometimes the more focus on what’s wrong with you takes away from being able to be a normal person, you always wonder why some people can but you can’t don’t question others, just learn to accept your places in life not everyone gets by accepted on all terms some people have to work harder to prove themselves me included.

Chapter: Stay on board even if no one’s on board ….

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through blogging and meeting others is to stay on your path in life no matter how long it takes for you to get to a place in which you feel at ease, proud of yourself, able to recover, be there for others, and make a positive difference. It starts with fixing your own life first! Small steps are progress, follow your heart, and don’t forget to review your progress, you notice things differently when you have the time to review your work it’s always in the moment it’s harder to stop or make time to gather work product to be in a place where you can compose or complete larger projects in life. So one thing at a time, it’s okay to focus on one thing at a time, no one said you had do everything at once in order to be successful sometimes being successful is about how many times you made the right decisions in life that brought you to where you are today all in call credit to whomever also you happened to cross paths with in life, after becoming special most people want to be apart of what’s credited for things working out overall it’s only your responsibility to not shut people out from making progress based on their assessment of how you make them feel. As you become more known in the process of improving each interaction becomes a job you are responsible for protecting others, reinforcing others, reassuring others, not cause problems for others, and wish the same good fortune and opportunity to those who have also witnessed in your own recovery important strides you’ve taken in life to be proud of yourself and be a happy person most people want that for themselves too even if you can’t personally provide that for them in the form of love or friendship. If you can’t meet the demand you know you’re not right for the part quite yet and that’s relationships why you’re told to wait recover and heal before attempting for intimacies in life, it’s impossible to do everything at once.

Chapter: Don’t Get Caught Up in Your Frustrations in Life …..

If there is one thing that I have learned about battling mental illness, is to not get caught up in illness, whether it’s a symptom or series of voices heckling you, the origins of all symptoms are somewhat related to your own upkeep so consider yourself a product of the environment you are thrust into in life, including all the symptoms however occurring, it’s up to you to decipher what’s in your control, what can you do to change, what can you do to improve, and simply take meds, and for all purposes of keeping the faith in God, pray that you will recover, even when you feel like what you are going through is permanent, or won’t change, something will and can eventually change for you, I you are patient with yourself, undergo the treatments or hospitalization, eventually you or someone who is taking care of you, will figure out what needs work, in order for you to improve. Don’t lose track of setting goals, having dreams, believe in your potential to resume a normal life, no matter what types of pains you endure in life, remind yourself that not everything is your fault, and often times we can do our best to live positive and productive lives, but not everyone in the world will be kind, people will not like you for whatever reasons, and if you don’t know them and they don’t know you, you technically are not responsible for why or what brought a person to react or respond to you in that way, doesn’t mean its your fault. Everyone wants to be in a better place in life.

When I hear the term “don’t get caught up” I reflect not only on the frustrating periods of battling voices and symptoms on my own, without self-harming, or getting suicidal, but I also inherently reflect on the consequences of punishment, and how demoralizing and defeating it feels to almost get in trouble, or be stopped or questioned, doesn’t feel good to ever be in a position in life, where based on your appearance stand out, you would never think in the best shape of my life and sober, that that could ever happen to a girl like me, but it did. Sometimes I wonder if punishment is intended to demoralize you and humiliate you, to entitle everyone to have dibs on making fun of you and pretend you don’t exist, almost like its permission to declare a person as stupid or not with it, and that’s a sad life to lead if so, if everyone felt entitled to make fun of you, that’s not love, that’s not achieving goals and having dreams in life, that’s punishment with the intent for you to live a different life, based on how others feel, and sometimes I think punishment is used to make other people feel better about themselves, and have something to gossip about, to pity your life or not recognize your accomplishments in life, and it wouldn’t be worth living life, if that’s how it ends. That’s not my idea of providing solution, to lower a person, to make others feel better about themselves, and enable people to get away with hurting you, that’s not solving crime, or figuring out whos hurting who, allowing a person to be hurt, and to also mislabel a person by negative terms. If there was ever a time to be known and loved, that time has passed, and I can accept that about lie, people move on, people don’t know you, and you can never officially be someone of importance to anyone in life, if its about everyone liking you or knowing you, isn’t the solution often times, once there is mental illness, or a battle of some sort with illness directed toward you, no you are not responsible for anyone fighting you in life, it is your job to not fight back, and look bad, that’s exactly what people want, and excuse to let go, or not love, or ignore, and that’s the problem with everyone knowing you, and why no solution is found in everyone close to you, or not close to you, that’s where the team spirited know how, of seeing things working together seamlessly fall apart, when there is uncertainty as to whether a person is a contributor of good, blame, or for making fun of.