I may be the best example of someone who tries really hard, improves, takes meds, has been in psychiatry for years, explored writing famously and now building successful websites, with a world wide audience, and a growing following in the US, and an official Instagram with followers now. But life isn’t perfect, I would only hope that by sharing my experiences, would make people hurt a little less, be a little kinder, more forgiving, move on prouder, and to not allow anyone to bring you down in life, or any story period, no matter who gets to know you, or what they decide to hold you to in life, there are many ways you can be exploited as a person, speaking in private or in public, and that’s not how to live your life, and that’s not how Im choosing to live my life in fear of what others think, or be scared about my own life or story as potentially something used to hurt me with, is not something that anyone wants, maybe why some don’t blog, and don’t share stories from their life, or have public instagrams, who wants enemies, when you have friends. Ive been lucky enough to reconnect with old friends, including Sydney, and doing my best to live life separate from being used as being apart of a story, I represented with shining colors, met scotus and do not deserve to be mistreated as something else, I don’t care what happens online, or how Im made to change, the point is Ive been honest and consistent working hard and getting paid jobs, and at no point in my story telling career, does it make it okay for anyone to pretend to know me closely, or put myself in a position were people feel like they know me or don’t respect me and Im assuming that’s the test for imagined ridicule, what does it mean to me to be bullied. To be bullied means that someone thinks they are cooler than you, knows more about the world and how it works, and thinks that their comprehension of how the world works is greater than my own, and in so proving, would test how I feel about myself, bring my personal history and life into question, and see how I would feel if a short story was made about me, minimizing my experiences in life, or see how I would feel to be insulted. As you can see, based on being aggravated and exposed, has changed my writing to a rushed process of unformatted posts, argumentative and too late to reverse what could be true had it be mentioned enough times, to change anyone to consider me something to not respect, or question, and Im not online to defend myself, represent myself, or use court as a weapon to hurt me with, and turn this experience into something other, than me needing help and getting through that process of getting help and being well again. Which Im sure a fan site is not helping and is trying to make me sick again and put me in a hospital, which I don’t prefer to happen to me right now in life, and think Ive come to far, to be treated as someone with mental health issues, that bother anyone, Im a writer and have been well writing every single day that Ive written, it’s sad to be fought on such a level and exposed, that I should lose my head, and tone and not sound like myself, its really trashy and tacky way to try to justify devaluing me in the face of my peers, or the public. I think in every way I loved myself and was loved, turned into a nightmare, as a result of being misunderstood, and those years cant be taken back in life, over medicated or stuck in bed, I would prefer to remember my life, as studying, doing well in school, focusing on fitness and finally losing weight, sharing my story and writing two books, and overcoming mental health issues, and staying sober, would be how my story should be valued in short, to anyone new or trying to keep track of my story or my life or my value so to speak, no matter how many times voices are discussed. I think a better way of getting rid of voices, would be to emphasize, that I do not plan on being used, given my condition and amount of meds Im taking, and heart condition, be pushed to extremes in life, bullied for no reason, or to make up reasons to disrespect me, over a research for hate website, I think if there is racism, or white supremacy, or anti-semitism, then I am willing to accept voices as representing those feelings in life, and dealing with that kind of attitude toward me existing in the form of voices, and also not be considered a woman, who is mistreated as though I deserve to be attacked, wrongfully accuse me of being provocative or insulting to sense, I don’t think I bother anyone in life, to pay attention to me or look at me and life, and have refrained by sharing selfies or making videos, as a way to keep a certain professional distance from everyone. I think Im naturally a shy person, who works hard, who has been through a lot, and Im sorry that there is no heartwarming way to bully me, is not my personality or how Ive lived life, put down or treated as small, and don’t consider my sexuality offensive or anyones business, nor am I someone encouraging a type of sexuality use an example of me being bullied to tell me Im living wrong or doing things wrong in life. I love myself, and unfortunately I got stuck with voices who don’t love me, don’t care for me, are trying to bring up subjects to make people think that of me, or hear a word and associate a word to me in a hurtful way is not okay to make that a reality, or create that impression in the minds of others, coming to think of me or how to judge or devalue my experience with photography and capturing my face in a selfie, or question whether I am someone who improved fair and square just like the rest of them, mixed up, present, and not sheltered. Sometimes I think my strength and discipline gets misunderstood as though Im constantly feeling good, I have depression Im on Wellbutrin and anti-psychotics, I generally don’t feel good everyday and have to push myself to feel good about myself, and work toward getting stronger so that I don’t self harm, that’s in preparation for any moment with voices, whether its something Im talking about in therapy or online, experiencing, or having problems with, or something that goes away while in treatment, Im the one blogging, Im the one writing to my audience, I should not be someone that gives other people voices, or makes anyone hear something that hurts their feelings, or causes a aggravated state of things not being right, that’s not the kind of writer I am, interjecting or controlling, or telling anyone how it is, or have some unstructured system of beliefs or prayer. I think as a woman who is now 39, I have the responsibility to fix my life, and not get hurt, not allow someone to cause people to fight me or give me voices, not be talked about in the negative, allowed to resume anormal life, or work in a paid position, move forward in life, there is no alternate life, as a blogger there is no way for me to earn and income blogging, I would have to write and publish books, which Im working on right now and have clearly taken a break from book writing, since voices got out of control, I don’t remember which week that was, or what blog posts were up, but Im sure its my own discomfort, I don’t feel like its okay to be studied or for anyone to feel close to me in a way that they would think making fun of me is okay, that’s not okay Im not a guy, Im a woman, with feelings and a heart condition capable of being hurt, sensitive, and also sensitive to the needs of others, not someone who is insensitive or schizophrenic. I think Im very organized, I get the issues, I demonstrate with care that I get the issues, Im accomplishing the task of overcoming voices, by using my blog to negotiate for a preference in not being injured or hurt mentally in a way, that’s damaging to me or my heart condition and do my best to stay strong, here forward. I don’t think that life is so smart that Im being stupid or missing a beat in life, unrelateable when I work very hard and write everyday and everyone can see where Im at mentally, Im never not writing, or not working hard, so it would be a shame to suddenly call out issues on me, misidentify who I am, think its okay to use or abuse me, and not be considerate if Im being threatened or how so, is really no ones business or my responsibility to show how Im being hurt or where that’s hurtful to me, and that doesn’t make a secret club or movement that’s cool or empowering if it caused me suicide, then why encourage the existence of something damaging, and keep forcing me to check and deal with something that cant be taken down, it will take years to get that website down, Ive been through this before, so please don’t accuse me of not trying hard or doing anything wrong to get hurt so bad in that way. I don’t deserve to be hit, Im a respectable human being, I lived a great life, I am of value, Im nice to everyone, and I don’t deserve to be convinced Im something that Im not and derail my progress as a writer by changing my tone, or forcing me to write under threats, Im not the director or the word inserter project or experiment, and don’t wish to be treated that way either, change my eyes, or my disposition, or my face for that matter, or my weight, is really no ones business what I look like or where my head is at or keep bringing up someone hurting me, and then judging me as someone who deserves to be hurt or call me stupid, or make fun of any case period, is for no one to judge my story or struggle in life, or not allow me to do better, move on, and get a job. Ive done my very best to write online, not be famous, no articles written about me, and write unpaid, but I think when it comes to a group identity I would not wish for everyone to see me embarrass me or think its okay to be shocking and offensive toward me or my family is uncalled for and not right minded.