bipolar, blog, blogging, business, career, education, journal entry, mental health, recovery, self-help

I Used to Think …

If you don’t know what you’re doing you can always ask for help, and sometimes there is no one to help you. That’s when you have to rely on your own instincts in life to get back on track, the speed at which others live life may not always compliment the speed to which you are able to live life, sometimes we just feel up to challenge, and sometimes we have to push ourselves and continue to try even if we can’t see the light of day. I’m not talking about what I’ve been through personally as that’s not a public matter to be picked apart for what reasons have led to my “downfalls” in life as popularly studied about more successful figures in life wealthy individuals with millions of dollars and lives, social lives, and jobs, I’m not to be compared to their professional downfalls and moral failures in life when it comes to their business endeavors, their personal endeavors, and what they did or did not do to fulfill their professionals duties in life to provide for others, care for others, or make trouble for the lives of those they’ve harmed without regret or remorse for the discomforts they have caused and flaygrant disturbances of the peace to those they’ve harmed. You can’t get over psychological disturbances in life and sometimes you live with the actions of others and the mistreatments of you thinking you are stronger than you are, tougher than you are, more able than you are, more confident than you are, and some of us never arrive to success based upon who we decide to care for, and who decides to care for us, and nowadays affected by what people think of us whether we know it or not, as looked over read watched or judged personally as a waste of space time and energy to invest in caring for, those people just leave alone there is no convincing to them otherwise for acceptances in life, and if you’ve been harmed, never explain why you felt harmed as the other side will always be justified in harming you, and any reaction that makes you look bad or unstable is used to judge you in the negative while automatically feeling sorry for anyone who was in your life and no longer in your life, as though they were or are now victim disempowered to your strength your recovery your progress your achievements like I’m working hard to make anyone look bad of course not. I have issues with self harm I don’t feel good anyways let alone feel capable now of making anyone else feel good I work hard because I have to work hard to stay stable and wasting time thinking about what has transpired and where they feel I measured up in the broad spectrum of blames lie, makes me not want to work for anyone, talk to anyone, speak to anyone, date anyone, or write and publish a book now, that’s the price of looking bad as compared to others. There will always be people who think they are better than you however it’s when you insult anyone or allude to misrepresentations of how people are now to you compared to what things were like then is what they want to hear to know whether you thought negative before gun violence, shootings, and crimes being punished like I’m related to anything anyone else does in their life. I live my life for me for my family for my friends for my fans, not to be bigger or better than and certainly don’t waste my time concerned about how I look in comparison to others ever feel threatened or taken aback as though I’ve ever felt entitled to be the same as anyone else’s happiness success achievement career employment rate or mental health status. You cannot choose who likes you in life that is a choice of their own making not your choice to figure out who likes who who likes you or ever wonder who is liked and why you are not liked and they are liked as though assumed I think instead of me, or more than me, or compared to me, or not proud of me, like I have male issues, I’m always loved by men and make friends easily with women, so God forgive me for alone time to finish law school and focus on career so I have positive things to talk about to be social again.

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