abuse, addiction, beauty

When Its Been Awhile …

The time between studying and making it in life will feel like an eternity, they talk about this all the time FOMO “fear of missing out,” and that could very well be the case, the difference between fitting in, socializing, working, meeting people, and if youre like me that will never happen for you in life, and miss all opportunities for being social or dating, that’s not what work is for experiencing life, and that’s not what sex is for, experiencing people, it’s a really immature way of getting to know the world, having anyone hold your heart, just to see your face change to know whether youre a good person not not, not all bring out the best in us, and if something is not working out that will be the factor causing you to feel tired, like anything overwhelming in life, which is not limited to reading, writing, and learning everything takes time to get good at. What is the basis for unhappiness? First never compare yourself to others, it will be in a comparison that you will be made to not feel good about yourself, or made to view yourself as less than, the power always going to the who you confide in about, and that’s how you wind up appearing as the lesser of the two, don’t complain about people in life, that’s how you lose your power in life. Recently I have become sensitive to what I sound like and what I look like, at 35, that’s far too immature for what you need to prepare yourself for what the rest of life needs you to be like, understanding of others and compassionate, I think what we know now is more than what anyone knew in the past, and that’s the growing curve in life, learning how not to hurt people you don’t understand or on the basis of what they look like compare the value of a human body to another human body. And this is where it gets tricky? Who is a princess and who is not? What is the origins of your name and title and who and what concerns do you represent in life, and who does that empower. I think anything made with unhappiness, or an emotion, or setting that is not comprehending the value of time, will be something that hurts the head, like a comment, or a “world peace” joke, someone shouting through your head to make a point, like that’s supposed to mean something, knowing who you are but knowing who they are, there is a time and a place for collecting all the missing objects on earth, and that time is not through my head and my body, to complain about my condition, as though the conditions of earth are to suddenly be determined by one person health. What catches on? Something that feels good will be something that catches on, someone who is in a leadership position who is looking out for others, will be something said that feels good, like a mom to a child, or a friend to a friend, or a lover to a girlfriend, but this does not happen online or in real life. Recently all my interactions public have been going well I went shopping for this (November 2019), just to be out in public out of respect for anyone comparing me to who I am online to who I am in real life. It seems the energy face dysmorphia occurs by sharing photos taken privately then shared in public then I lose face, and my body goes into dysmorphia and weight gain, that’s sharing yourself with the world, that’s not a compass for the outcomes of all events looking at you, the basis for luck, or bad luck, mental health issues, love, admiration, or question, the answers to your troubles lies within you, I think there is an overfacination with reading people and trying to predict their behavior, sabotage, or cause voices to their mind to treat a human being like a converter system, of likes and dislikes to be read like a seismologist to my writing, you don’t always pick up the energy from a persons body or face, simply by reading their writing, that’s not what causes the change a transference from my writing to the brain of another, or a loss of identity, it will be something more than that, someone who knows you, who says something to you, to witness a change and that will be the cause for something in writing, that either reflects that person in the negative, most of life you cannot tell by what your focusing on and that’s the beauty in life, all prayers aside, for what reasons, or what realizations, not everyone wants to be made fun of for what symbols at matched upon location recognized, that you learn later how everything is connected and that doesn’t mean that’s the purpose for being anywhere in life, special. Theres no such thing as competition in friendship, and well if you don’t think Im pretty and don’t beat off to me, that should not affect my health, if Im not someone you admire or idolize, and think to symbolize the life and being of another person who want to appear on your face. Im also not the source of defect or dissimilarity, to my body face to another human body or face reading my writing, its upon recognizing something as well that youre made to feel well, and well if you don’t identify with me, then don’t type cast me as only liking one thing at a time, African American Men, White Men, Brunette Men, or Latino Men. Maybe I don’t have a type, maybe by the influences in childhood, you were made to be more accepting of all people, so what is there not beautiful about a Man who has light eyes, is that an issue that means anything, and what does it mean to have a trait that others see beauty in such as your face, which was my only asset, and if my face gets messed up then what am I left with my body, so then I’ll have to make my body my asset now. That really doesn’t have anything to do with anyone. When there is a strong distaste for you, that means that someone thinks that they are better than you, and then thinks you are looking at them, because you think that you are better than them, theres is an immediate transfer of assumption, from someone who photos well to someone who does not photo well, and anyone who looks stupid, that’s not a type of face, that’s someone who is not loved, who is not dating, who does not have a job, therefore will not look like anyone, and that’s what made me stand out as obese and ugly looking, that means that my identity, was not known in the positive, therefore having a website is not for more to identify with me, but for my identification on the inside of my body to be known in writing, and if that doesn’t help you to improve I don’t know what else to tell you, whether its my energy or the energy of someone not in acceptance of me, that is supposed to change my face and my body, I don’t drink I don’t plan on going out for the rest of my life, have not gone out since 2013, have not dated since 2014, and just graduated from law school and have a whole new set of problems in life to deal with all “head shrinking” jokes aside, no matter what films are made, that is not my identity that is not my doing, and that is not my choice, to have a small head and an obese body. And that’s not my fault.

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