There are Pluses and Minuses …

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women in outerwear chatting on city embankment on windy day

With bipolar if youre not on meds yet ready to commit to a slower pace life, work through the period of tiredness adjusting to a new med, it can take years before the sleepiness of a med becomes something youre willing to push through either through running, walking, or keeping busy, eventually if you are diligent in your efforts to be complaint, you can adjust I have. At first I did not recognize the need for it, it later became my safety manual in life, whenever faced with a difficult emotion, or panic attack, not knowing whats wrong, to have a med that I could rely on not to help me stop thinking, but to get that worry not to feel worse, it can be a freezing feeling, like guilt, or saying something and doing another, or making fun of yourself, or sounding like you see things in an easy way, or have thought about something for a long enough period of time to sound like you understand what youre talking about, and have a specific example in mind from your life, that helps to you apply what youre thinking now and able to explain what you were thinking then, I don’t think most of what we have to say is already thought out, I think the words come to mind based upon how you are feeling, so if you stop thinking, that could just mean you don’t feel well, its nothing to pick apart in a detailed way as there something being officially wrong with you, the more you can come to accept about yourself, the better off youll sound to others, not sound like someone who convinces themselves of things in the negative including what they look like shamed, and expect someone shamed to feel good embarrassed, I think if you are not at your best, or have worked for 8 years on being able to apply for a job, with no current dilemmas, then going to law school 2008 because you couldn’t find a paralegal job was a good decision to continue your schooling. Whats tough is if you are not happy with how you look that’s not being in the physical state to express oneself to all unnecessarily, if youre not in the mood to be attractive that can create a really lacksidasical version of you that will similar appear as blah, not something to love, that’s why modeling is hard I know that it looks easy, but a lot of it has to do with how you are feeling, I don’t think it is anything that anyone should take personally. I think if you don’t light up or are tired, yeah maybe anyone who is testing to see whether you love them should appear a healthy version, or not be blamed as not having been sharp looking themselves, its okay if everyone looks different at their heathiest, Im always nice to everyone, appearances is not something you comment on when someone is going through a tough time, that’s not a reason to distance yourself from others, it can be anyones way of communicating that they don’t care what you think and are comfortable with themselves enough that they aren’t expecting you to look at them any differently disheveled or put together, I never really recognized that myself, about me, if there were changes I don’t take many pictures its only on social media. Recently I wonder, if you are a blogger and doing well in the event that Im not doing well, its me feeling like I need to defend myself, there are rest days not everyday is hard and that’s when things start getting better, but when there is questioning or any guilt assumed, like youre not doing the work to address every issue, and every potential cause, or reasoning for what is tolerable or not, it will be by how you sound and look to see whether more work needs to be done on my part, and it wont be by disapprovals made to feel better, it will be by who has not yet disapproved of me, made to still be open to hearing what I have to say, you cant leave a situation and expect many years later to speak and have it be relevant, its if you have been talking to a group of people on a professional basis or in down time briefly, if there is ever a need for help that doesn’t make you officially anyone who is complaining then that’s a better way to communicate than having it be about anyone or anything including yourself, that’s how rapport is maintained with people concerned for everyone, and even those who do not think that you deserve to be smart, or successful or get a job, or be a good writer write a book, and that’s okay too, that people cant help you with, so even if you put a lot of work into your writing, and are tired, put it on your resume so they know you have been working, but don’t get burnt out, its not necessary to speak through every feeling, be set in a rush, if its not an emergency, if its just anyone you think is mad at you, then that means that you need not waste the time of anyone during COVID unless your helping, that’s not a good time to go through any heavy emotions, and that’s also not the time to be excused as being hyper or up or stupid, or making careless decisions with your life, or while under the roof of the lives of people important to you, I don’t think its necessary to make me look stupid to try to blame me as the person or identity that has not helped a President past, I don’t think I have ever been unhelpful or have created problems for anyone else seeing life, maybe found difficulty accepting me, if Im not getting good grades, or not an Attorney, that’s about stamina, work ethic, priorities, intelligence, ability, memory, its not about wrongs, but it will be about wrongs, if you have gone through anything personally causing you instability, that’s usually a turn off to not be on point. 

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