Why I Cannot Tolerate “Voices” …

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old city street with paved road

Sometimes people will not allow you to get well, and that’s not something you can change about someone who is not in acceptance of your condition, don’t also expect that someone will be in acceptance of you doing well or struggling either make worse, some people think they are entitled to that much in life, whether or not its deserved, then try to argue that it is in defense of self. Never in a million years did I ever expect for someone to be insulted by me needing to be alone or talk to someone else, why is my attention about them, and that’s a false set of owing someone your undivided attention then being subjected to abuses by what they think that you have done right or wrong in life, so its not about where Im at in life or by what speeches I have written in life, please don’t accuse me of anyone not being on board with me or motivated to commit crimes, on the basis of my well being, or further push for argument by hurting me in public to cause a disrespect of me, then follows the conversation “first amendment” wise, whether its relatable to all, or whether it marginalizes the interests of anyone through a reading of you, made to think about self in the negative, and that’s sometimes how you get hurt, until you don’t sound like yourself, so you are made to think about words or statements for insult, and that’s how someone is empowered to hurt you on the basis of whether or not you are married or have a job, and that’s how I got hurt. So while blogging has been very difficult to put myself out there is not momentum based, there is no up, or energy all writing expends, and all argument subjects, and anything that anyone does not agree with causes you pain, and that’s how difficult it is to be a public speaker, its an earned right, by emailing the US Supreme Court, and also calling LAX Courthouse, The Police, and now talking to The DA on Instagram, and that doesn’t mean that now I need a reply, and its not a case, until someone has a problem with you, so you can try to be understanding of the reservations of others, but please don’t treat me like I cant stop, or am not stopping, or am stopping, based upon my own guilts, if that’s something you don’t understand, a womans growth curve, from stupid to smart, or sexual to not sexual, then you don’t respect me as a woman, as a friend, a human being, an advocate, or a speaker, and that’s unfortunate, if you don’t feel like I represented anyone from my life in the positive, I have never put anyone down in life in public, its me that gets put down rejected in public, and sometimes Im not sure what that means when I get mental illness, all I know is that people are only in your life when you are settled, whether by achievement, or job, and at this point in my life, I cant handle a stunt, so this is not a publicity stunt, and this is not a popular blog because of OJ, this blog is popular because I went to law school, not for fighting, maybe for research, but not of people to be abused, like Im being studied by someone trying to tell me whats wrong with me, the best way I can represent myself and others in a way that does not cause conflict, would be to not fight with anyone, and sometimes that means being alone, and not representing anyone, because that’s how insult and complaint happens, something youre okay with “Brady,” that others are not okay with or see risk inherited through the support of gun violence advocates and other spiritual groups in necessity of being freed from responsibility to go back to freely expressing themselves with support, without being blamed as the cause for an action or set of action in a persons life, upon viewing them, and that’s the risk of being online, you will be too late to someone elses viewpoint, and you may be on time with no support coming from their viewpoint of you, that just means that we all have different intelligence in life, there is not one point of arrival or one means for prevention, or one mode of teaching someone about history, or blame, so if its something that makes sense to you, support it, if someone does not understand what is being tried to be communicated to me, then also don’t feel insulted that you are not being read by someone, who is being forced to hear voices, as a result of how I was made to look, sexual, or not loving, stupid, or not smart, or not achieved, able to get a job, and as a result I am not applying for jobs, cannot get a job, will not date, and will not make friends or attend AA, and that’s how someone causes you alienation, so you hear voices, so you are not comfortable around people, and no one has that right to kill you off the stage, off the batting ground, remove you from your place in life, hurt or injure you as unimportant, or talk $hit about you, like you think you know them or know what theyre about, everyone fights for different reasons, its unfortunate for anyone to come into my life and fight me, like there is something wrong with me, past the point of being able to have sex with anyone, and so it follows insult to injury. Please don’t take it personally if I open up or then need to be alone, my life is serious and I take my job blogging seriously, and it may look fun but its not a game, I can get in trouble just like anyone else, I can get shot just like anyone else, I can get screamed at just like anyone else, I can be made to feel scared just like anyone else, I can be dumped just like anyone else, I can lose jobs just like anyone else, I can be embarrassed just like anyone else, I can get hurt just like anyone else, and I can get sick just like anyone else, so if you feel like I have it better, that’s because I made my life better, that’s because I had nothing, that because I lost my JD, that’s because I got in trouble, that’s because I got dumped, that’s because my relationships didn’t work out, and that’s not because of songs or movies that I was made to self-harm especially if I didn’t see those films, that maybe your understanding to identify a struggle or a pain within a person you think is necessary to be caused to hurt someone or make them cry or not feel good, and maybe its you that has read my statements and are making fun of what I sounded like when I was 19 or 22, and Im sorry that you matured so fast, or were so smart, or see the world so big, or see me as small, or think you see the big picture, and think that my way of life is stupid or mentally ill, I can survive any way I want to survive in life so long as Im not bothering anyone, and that includes my blog, why should what I have to say make anyone look bad, and making me look bad is not how you help a Country out of a recession, after COVID, during a suicide watch period, after gun violence, or in the middle of changing Presidents during an election, hurting me proves no point to demonstrate who cares expect for reaction, we are all independent and important enough that no ones failure is that disappointing, and if its hard to understand its how could I be so “stupid” to talk to a stranger in life and then be treated like I thought it was “the President,” then be attacked like I think Im “Stormy Daniels,” who I never didn’t respond to and called her Attorney, so don’t compare me to a news logo “crazy porn attorney,” the try to get me to make porn then make fun of me like Im not a woman, or treat me like I have a big head, or cause me face damage and make me punch my head when you don’t listen when I tell you Im at my upper limit and don’t feel like it, so don’t hurt me expect me to keep going at Alexa Rank 14,000 after Justice Ginsberg passes away and President Trump gets COVID, I have always supported leadership in my Country, and that’s why Im alive, because I don’t allow for the personal issues that people have whether because of my contact with them, serve as the basis for intolerance of life when things are good, and that’s something you will never understand why I have limited contact with people everyone too busy, or a stay at home student not social, wonder why I hear voices if I don’t know anyone, am not famous yet, and not widely popular politically, understand when people are at their best, and that doesn’t mean that because anyone is sued that you can blame someone blog for gun violence, or treat them as a poor representation of a solid organization: Brady. And if you don’t understand flyers, don’t also treat me like someone throwing paper onto Westwood is tolerable after a Malaysian Airplane was lost, that’s something I responded to and I don’t need anyones help to talk about anything Im not okay with, the goal is: improvement. 

New Diagnosis: Schizophrenia. Then if I give up, then who will set things right? How does that help?

Im sorry it got carried away, and did not respond well, have done my best to be helpful, it has become clear when I get symptoms of bipolar now diagnosed “schizophrenia,” that results in poor speaking, not intelligent.

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