So I wasn’t going to blog today, the half-life on my adderrall has already worn off, and gearing up to go to a new psychiatrist tomorrow. Should probably disclose where all my fears are coming from, probably things Im thinking that I shouldn’t be thinking, why Im talking to DA Spitzer, it seems that the more time is on your hands, the more room for error, its when you are not doing something with your life, not so proud of yourself, going through a lot, we all have issues, and now is no different. Especially in any period of recovery whether that’s changing meds, hearing something in the news, putting things together and going wait what I don’t think so, why, huh, ouch that hurts, sometimes you can put two stories together or two images together and get sick and maybe that’s what the beauty in entertainment is, perfectionism, its not being left with those feelings, and being able to sit upright and move forward with ease, your power still in your hands for interpretation. I think self-help is about showing that you care for yourself and able to live the life that you sound like, and maybe with self-harm it doesn’t seem that way, what are the causes for feeling tired, feeling sick, not feeling like yourself, and sometimes that can be explained and sometimes not. So if there is ever a time when a med cant fix what youre feeling Ive been there, especially now. It wouldn’t make sense to blog if I was just writing and not living life, the whole point was to be able to get a job one day, there are many bloggers who are able to make a profession out of blogging and earn a living, I don’t think I had that in mind I think maybe I wanted to write a book one day, but its clear that my story and upbringing, make that story seem too special than is deserved, especially given my recent track record it feels like I cant make my life go right, and maybe that is just a test of my wit and ability to make others feel safe or better by me. We all learn from one anothers experiences in life and things will not always be as they seem, even by facts or photos, so try to bear with the times if anything and accept all expressions everyone is doing their best, and sometimes we join teams and sometimes we switch teams and sometimes we leave teams and sometimes we earn teams, this you learn later in life maybe by your 30s where you start being more selective of your interactions in life I think before your 30s you don’t really think about how youre feeling or what another person is thinking, I think later in life, when you have social issues, due to isolation, or sex issues, this can make life complicated, not wanting to be around people, or not wanting to be out in the world feeling like people think poorly of you, and then I started blogging and realized that no one thinks those things about me, and no one doesn’t like me, and that so long as you think well of others you will have less to fear in life, especially in talking about your life and in talking about others or by mention, that abrasive feeling of things not being right is that you have recently spoken about someone that you are now interacting with and that should scare you, its scares me on the inside, maybe that means that it is something that you shouldn’t be doing in life, talking about someone, or having conversations in private about yourself or others, that you would not want everyone to hear, so always be yourself, so even if you do get exposed, you don’t have any blaring confessions about yourself, that you become so beside yourself that you cant be yourself in life, life isn’t perfect but I can tell you this much it will be the people that know you who will become the most uncomfortable with you when you are not doing well in life, so don’t be a downer and try to be positive for everyone, and the less you affect others the better, try to live a positive life thereforward.